So, I've been spanked, hard! I have spanked myself hard, I have spanked others even harder! I'm now heading for a different road, one that still includes all the best bits of me, all the naughty bits, all the hot steamy bits, and plenty of spanking still to be had! But this time I'm creating characters to play out my delightful erotic fantasies, I hope you enjoy the new ride as much as the previous one…
In this post, I am looking at Dimash’s presentation and emotional impact on each song and his ability to tell his story.
Dimash always infuses each song he sings with just the right amount of passion and emotion, especially when it’s a love song but when its a song taken from the folk stories of his homeland he taps into a deep well of powerful emotions that is purely about his love for his fellow Kinsman and his beloved Kazakhstan and that is reflected in the the powerful delivery of his story.
The two songs I’ve selected today go much deeper than just a love story, they are stories about hardship, war, hopes for peace, and a soldier’s thoughts. I find his delivery of these folk songs to be exquisitely sad in their story telling of his Kazakh history, and so too the depth of emotion he pulls out of himself.
Too much blood has been spilled in the dark history of each Country around the world. Kazakhstan is no different, in this instance Dimash is not inclined to leave the past behind and has breathed new life into the old folk songs of his culture. and created a new folk song for his time, in War & Peace. Some things should never be forgotten. What better way to remind people of the follies of terrible wars past, than to set those stories of folly to powerful music and have them sung by one of the most angelic voices ever to grace the musical world.
He shares such a strong connection with his homeland of Kazakhstan and is so proud to be his Country’s Ambassador on the musical stage that he literally channels every ounce of that love and pride and pours it out on to the stage during this very special performance on his Digital Show.
War & Peace is Dimash’s own musical composition, the lyrics were written by Yao Qian. He sings of the distance and loss of love in the world through lack of the ability to trust each other. This is such a powerful and moving song for the message it sends out. He doesn’t employ his usual vocal acrobatics during this performance, preferring to keep it gentle and story telling, even while delivering this song to perfection, his soaring high notes and his powerhouse belt are not present very often and he uses that power sparingly. Where he does go into his belting voice, it is perfectly timed to better tell his story of war and loss of peace and the desolation that war leaves us dealing with for many generations afterwards, but still he does not remain there instead bringing us back down to the softer breathier tone he uses to tell his story.
I am totally awestruck by the composition itself, it is such a clever piece of music, it’s power is in the gentle sound of mixed strings, building in intensity to bring in the sound of drums beating out the war cry to the harsher chords struck by the electric guitar, heard in the background later, bringing the inexorable call to march towards yet more war.
He writes music the way he sings, using every note to perfection, every stroke of the bow on a string brings a new layer of intensity to his message. Interestingly, he keeps his voice on a soft breathy chest voice, or his normal singing voice. It is a stark comparison and it works beautifully for its contrast.
For me personally, this is Dimash at his finest when he is performing folk music. His passion for Peace, his hopes for a loving more gentle world for the future, his despair at the hate and mistrust the world is filled with, all portrayed beautifully because of his ability to story tell with such emotional maturity. This song always leaves me spellbound and deeply moved.
The second song I’m featuring today is the hauntingly beautiful Samaltau.
Samaltau is the story of a Kazakh soldier’s thoughts as he is dragged off to war during the 1916 war of Russia.
Video credits: DrawnSpirit.
Watch the first video and feel Dimash’s pure undiluted passion for his story, feel his sadness for his past Kinsman, feel his heartache for the Soldier’s story. Then watch the second video beautifully drawn and produced by DrawnSpirit, to see the story of Samaltau. I was left saddened and speechless. I have no words to describe how I felt after both listening to and watching this song play out its story.
Folk music for me is the base line for every genre of music we know and enjoy today, it is where the story telling came from, it was how we passed down our history to the next generation before we could write or articulate sufficiently that we could portray the hells we had lived through and survived, the joys we had witnessed but could not describe.
Story telling in song is the oldest method of writing. People remember the words of songs as soon as they hear the music, the lyrics come unaided into our memories. We are hardwired to do this. It is how we catalogued historical events for hundreds of years.
I will never forget Samaltau or it’s story. It is forever engraved on my soul. It is all our histories wrapped up in one heart wrenching song, sung by one of the finest storytellers of our time.
‘So, what’s happening with the apartment hunt?’ Thorn asked as he smoothed cold cream into her skin, her sore bottom aching unbearably where he had spanked and caned her earlier, she wriggled and mewled a little as his hands started building a different kind of heat in her, his fingers traced the beautiful run of cane welts across her cheeks and the tops of her thighs. He smiled to himself as he worked his way along the deep red imprints massaging the cold cream into them. She sucked a breath in at the sting but then sighed, delighting in the sensations his fingers were creating.
He tapped her bottom sharply once. ‘You haven’t answered me.’
She sighed, she didn’t want to speak, she just wanted to stay in the moment.
‘I’m still looking, I can’t afford to stay at the hotel indefinitely, I had enough money put by that I could afford to pay for a month but that’s up at the end of the week and I’m still no closer to finding anywhere that is even remotely affordable.’ Most of Laura’s comment was mumbled into the pillow her face was burrowing into as she sank even deeper into the feelings his touch was creating inside her.
He let his fingers drift down between her thighs, trailing lazily over her slick sex. Her hips lifted, raising her bottom slightly giving him free access. She was hungry for his touch. He spanked her once on each cheek and she yelped.
‘I say when, not you.’ He chuckled, as she gave him huge sad eyes and pouty lips over her shoulder.
He ignored her blatant attempt to sway him and continued speaking, ‘You know you can take this apartment over. All you have to do is say yes and it’s yours.’ He kept his tone neutral, careful not to tread on her pride.
She shook her head, ‘I still want to try and do this on my own, you know I appreciate the offer but I have to try. I’ve got a week to turn something up. Although based on this week I’m not sure I’m going to have much success anyway. Everything I’ve looked at so far has either been a complete dive or so many people were fighting for it I didn’t stand a chance. I’m something like 100th on the list for one tiny flat that’s little more than a bedsit, and its so expensive!’ She mumbled, defeated by the weight of her problem.
Thorn’s jaw tensed but he refrained from bulldozing her into agreeing with him. He leaned back against the headboard and turning her over, pulled her up onto his chest, locking her against him. ‘Listen to me,’ he said gently, ‘if you are out of options by the end of the week, we shall move you in here and you can continue to look while you live here. At least I will know you’re in a safe place and it gives me easy access to you whenever I finish work.’ He continued to stroke her softly along her sex, sending delicious shivers through her at his featherlight touch.
Greed was nipping at her, she wanted more and she allowed her legs to fall open exposing herself to the possibility. She turned her face against his chest and captured his nipple between her teeth, suckling on it, nipping it, feeling it harden at the attention. His chuckle rumbled through his chest and jostled her a little, dislodging her from her prize, she returned to it sucking it back in between her lips anchoring her teeth gently around it. His fingers responded to the pinch of his nipple by smacking her pussy lips once, hard.
‘ Be careful Elle, you’re asking for trouble baby.’ He murmured. She released his nipple and pouted at him. Distracting him from his darker urges she continued their conversation.
‘It’s not that I don’t want to live here you know, I’ve already said as much, but we haven’t been together very long, I need to take things more slowly, not rush headlong into everything so wilfully. Besides, I’m not willing to move in here while you won’t charge me rent. I want to pay my own way.’ She was adamant about this aspect of his offer. It was a top class apartment situated over his club and she knew he could easily charge a top flight rent for it.
He sighed, ‘If it means that much to you I’ll charge you a peppercorn rent, give you a contract, make it an official let between us. It’s not completely altruistic on my part either. I gain a lot from having you move in here. ‘ His deep voice rumbled through her and she felt an answering vibration deep inside her as he continued, ‘I want to spend more time with you but with the hours I keep, its making it difficult. If you’re here above the club, we both get what we want.’ His fingers stroked her pussy lips, dipping his finger and swirling it against her clit only to withdraw when she reacted to it.
She nodded, thinking, and as she thought she latched on to his nipple again, nipping it between her teeth, revelling in the sharp intake of breath from him as the hard nub swelled against her lips.
She mumbled around it, ‘give me a week and then I will agree if I haven’t found somewhere.’ She nipped him again and suckled to sooth the bite. Too late.
‘I warned you…’ He growled.
Yelping at the sudden sharp pain between her thighs where he was now spanking her hard with his finger tips, she let go of his nipple. She glared up at him in frustration, only to swallow her reprimand when she saw his face. His eyes had darkened, he was her Sir now not Thorn her lover.
‘You want some attention for pussy? Is that what all this is about?’ He snarled in a dangerously low tone.
She nodded mutely. She didn’t trust her mouth to keep her out of trouble. He had been like this with her more and more recently and while she loved the switches in his moods, this one always caused her to suddenly become compliant, even while she struggled to call him Sir.
His smile was darkly intense. ‘ Ask me, properly. Tell me what it is you think you want for pussy and why you should have it.’
Laura’s mind froze. He knew she struggled to articulate what she wanted sexually from him. He knew it embarrassed her to verbalise her desires.
‘I’m waiting Elle.’ he murmured, using his pet name for her. She loved it when he shortened her name to just the sound of her initial. It made her sound like someone else. Someone beautiful, someone confident in her sexual allure for him. Someone special. She smiled against his chest loving the feeling of his fingers pressing against her clit, rolling it gently then pinching it, much the same as she had done to his nipple until she was sucking in a sharp breath, releasing it on a moan as the heat rose swiftly inside her.
‘I want to feel you inside me Thorn, I want you to fuck me hard and make me scream your name when I cum… I mean… um… when you tell me I can cum, … when you let…’ She stammered over the words and he chuckled.
‘Try again baby, that was almost clear…’ his fingers continued their onslaught of her clit and her hips rolled to absorb the sharp sensations more fully.
‘I want your cock buried inside me, all of it, until it hurts! I want you to fuck me long and slow until I beg you to let me cum, until I scream your name and beg for my release.’ Laura stopped short of shouting the words at him. Her clit had thrummed painfully to life and was sending hot messages to her brain, she struggled to focus on anything other than those messages, her juices flowed over his fingers as he played at the edge of her soaked pussy, teasing her, taunting her drawing long low moans from her as if she was an instrument to be played. Her frustration ramped up and his fingers slowed down.
‘Say it again Elle, this time remember to look at me and address me correctly.’ He spanked her pussy lips sharply twice and she cried out at the immediate throbbing heat that bloomed there.
She locked eyes with him, ‘I want your cock buried inside me, all of it, until it hurts! I want you to fuck me until I beg you to let me cum, until I scream your name and beg for my release…SIR!!’ She sobbed out the last word breaking away from his intense gaze. He removed his hand from her sex and cupped her chin between thumb and finger, forcing her to look up at him.
‘See that wasn’t so difficult was it baby?’ He smiled a dark little smile at her as he swiftly lifted her off his lap and forcing her face down on the bed, he positioned her on her knees, legs spread wide revealing her dripping sex to him. He kept his hand between her shoulder blades to keep her from raising up. Without pause he thrust his engorged cock deep inside her until there was no space between their two bodies, his other hand snaking around her hip and between her thighs, his fingers finding and pinching her clit again. she cried out in pain as he stretched her wide beyond her natural limits, moving slowly, withdrawing almost to the tip before plunging fully inside her once more, the pain ripping through her pussy walls spinning her mind around, causing her to release a feral scream in answer to his probing fingers and the rigid pounding of his cock.
Her pussy flooded juices over him and coated him with all the lubrication he needed. She sobbed into the pillow he had pushed her face into, and pushed her hips back on to him for more. Hungry for him, hungry for the intense pain that she had learned he could turn into even more intense pleasure. She bucked wildly and howled when his fingers left her clit and entered her ass as he filled her pussy with his cock and he plunged inside both holes, faster and harder now, his pace pushing her deeper into submission to him. She sobbed incoherently with the pressure that was building inside her, she wanted to cum, desperately needed to cum, right now! He knew the instant she was on the edge, he felt her pussy walls contracting heavily around his cock, she couldn’t stop his thrust, he was too big for her, she could only massage his throbbing member, using the ridges of it to stimulate her already over sensitised walls. She was tumbling over, her body began to tremble. He stopped thrusting, spanking her bottom hard on each cheek, ‘don’t you dare cum Elle, push it back. Control it.’ He began to thrust slowly again, his fingers once again working inside her ass applying pressure to the nerve endings there sending her spinning with need.
‘Please Thorn, please let me cum! Please…. ‘ she begged on a sob, as she once again pushed back against him and forced down the need to sink into her desire and let go of the painful tightness deep inside her pussy walls.
‘Who am I Elle?’ He demanded as he thrust harder and faster, leaning over her back removing his hand from between her shoulders to slip around her neck, holding her loosely by the throat, lifting her face up off the pillow, forcing her backwards, creating a beautiful concave arc in her posture, she gasped as he seemed to sink deeper into her. ‘Oh fuck… please Sir, please let me cum… I can’t hold it back… please Sir…’ She begged, tears streaming down her face as she tried to push herself up against him.
He grinned a sadistic satisfied smile as he whispered, ‘Now you can cum for me Elle.’
It was all she needed, she relaxed her tensed body and let her orgasm rip through her on a tidal wave of sensations. He joined her, thrusting faster, gripping her hips tightly, pulling her onto his pulsing heavy cock until he growled deep and low and released his seed in a hot rush deep inside her. His heat seared her and she shuddered and sank into a second heavier orgasm fuelled by his release. Her body trembling against him as he relaxed his hold on her and rolled them both on to their sides, pulling her into him he soothed her, brushing her tangled hair from her face, placing kisses along her neck and jaw line. tasting the saltiness of her tears given to him freely in her submission to him. His dark eyes glinted with even darker lust as he claimed his prize. They were his.
Still he remained inside her, semi hard and in no rush to relinquish her warmth yet. His primal urge to own her, claim her, control her to full submission was still driving him and he continued to thrust slowly. She felt her pussy contract against his thrusts and she massaged him inside her. The pace picked up slowly, moving towards another battle of submission, a relinquishing of her power to him given willingly. He growled and she answered with her body.
It was a long time later before they slept, exhausted, wrapped up in each other, breathing as one body. Completely satiated…for now at least.
Hello my lovely WP friends, peeps, readers and voyeuristic visitors from Twitter land! (Don’t worry, I love that you give ghostly visits, the only clue being the visit counter went up!)
So, niceties out of the way, there is something I have to talk about, truly, I need to empty my head all over the page on this one because I have been left ‘speechlessed’ as my darling online adopted lil Sis would say!
I am speechlessed!
I had the unfortunate need to do actual physical shopping today, in a real life shop, in real time and everything. I was already suffering from mild trauma just at the thought of it!
Regardless, I am a brave warrior woman and I knew I could do this, it was not a great challenge I told myself. It was a simple mundane task, hundreds, nay, thousands of people do it every single day. I had no room to complain about my lot.
All I needed was a chicken, some veggies and a few herbs. That’s it, no great shakes, no need to rush around grabbing items from shelves for a full shop. I can do that online. So much safer!
I entered the supermarket, cleaned down my trolley handles with the sprays provided at the door. The clerk was surprised to see me do that. She thanked me for my vigilance, she said I was the first person to do that all day.
Yeah, cos we aren’t really still in the midst of the worst pandemic in 100 years are we?! I digress, this is not a covid post.
The veggie stands were free of human interference and I hurried to them. I gathered my veggies, head down, mask firmly in place, sunglasses still on, (prescription sunglasses are the best, I forget I have them on,) they complete my tiny ninja warrior woman look along with the black mask I have taken to wearing. First part of Operation Shopping Trip considered a success. On to part two.
I approached the fresh meat counter with caution, there were a few people around, milling, chatting, aisle blocking with empty trollies (why do they do that? Why?) I was forced to speak, ‘Excuse me,’ I said politely even while knowingly cutting across the woman’s conversation. She stopped speaking and glared at me, ‘What?’ she demanded in a voice that sounded like nails down glass. Uh oh… my irritation marker began to send warning signals to my brain.
‘I need to pass?’ I answered in a less polite tone than my ‘excuse me’ had been delivered.
She tutted and rolled her eyes, one exaggerated sigh later she moved her trolley just enough that I could squeeze through with mine. I do mean barely enough room, my irritation levels shot through the roof, please remember, I have already traumatised myself at the idea of going shopping in the first place!
I snarled under my mask and pushed my sunglasses to the top of my head and glared at the source of my irritation. And that’s when my naughty Gem took over. It was one of those fuck it moments, I angled my trolley, just enough to cause a collision that would have her chasing after her trolley. I pushed through the two connecting trollies, I think the other woman was actually asleep with her eyes open, she offered no help by way of moving her trolley either. I rammed the trollies with mine, they skittered out of the way and the woman with the attitude shrieked! ‘Are you blind or just stupid?’ she shouted as she ran after her empty trolley.
I glared once at her and then laughed as I said, ‘you should make sure you leave the store before I do, my driving can be somewhat erratic when I’ve been pissed off by a moron.’
Now I’m just going to qualify that statement, my driving is perfectly fine, but I do like to mess with peoples heads on occasion and it’s always a worrying thought for them that I might actually be telling the truth.
I approached the meat counter now, the chickens were just coming into my line of sight. I could grab one and be gone in no time! I cruised in, parked my trolley tightly into the side and leaned into the display counter to pick my chicken,
Then it happened.
A young girl/orange person/black caterpillar browed, spider eyed, fluffy slippers and pyjama wearing female who was already rummaging through the chickens came and stood directly behind me and began shouting loudly to her friend ‘EWWWW! Its got green shit on it! I’m not eatin’ that shit!’ and then proceeded to throw a pre-prepped (with herbs and stuffing) sealed bag wrapped chicken along the shelf so that it collided with mine.
I sighed. My fighter brain was trying to kick in, I ignored it, pushed my irritation down, picked up my chicken and had just turned to walk away when she pointed at my chicken.
‘That’s mine! I want that one! It’s got no green shit on it! Give it me, I was here first!’ She screeched at me. No mask, no attention to distance. I’m a stickler for these things. I have no wish to die. I removed myself from her proximity and placed the chicken in my trolley. I refused to answer her, I walked away. I was proud of myself. She hadn’t died at my hand. Nor did I deliver a death stare.
It wasn’t over.
She shouted after me, ‘hey bitch you stole my chicken, give it back right now.’ Even her friend was trying to get her to leave it alone. She wouldn’t listen, she couldn’t, hers was a diatribe out, no input being received’ model of moron. I shook my head and continued down the aisle, there are some fights just not worth picking. I had already had my quota for the day with trolley woman.
I walked slowly to the herbs and spices racks to get the last item on my very short list.
It’s at the end of the meat aisle.
This is the conversation that went on behind me.
The friend had pulled her away from running after me. ‘Just get the chicken that’s in the bag Georgia! You can’t tell that woman she’s got your chicken for fucks sake! Stop causing a scene!’
‘I don’t want one with green shit on it! She’s got the one without green shit, I was here first, it should be mine!’ Georgia was not to be dissuaded.
‘For fucks sake its not shit, its herbs or sommat!’ The friend replied exasperated.
‘Yeah well why is it all over the top of the chicken then?’ Georgia was still on the fence.
‘Because they prepared the chicken for you…duh!’ Patience was disappearing fast now, I could hear it in the friend’s tone.
‘Oh… Well why don’t it say that on the bag then? An’ what’s that thing stickin’ out of that big hole?’ Although slightly less aggressive, there was still that adversarial tone from Georgia that said she thought she was being conned and she was on to it.
The friend sighed, I was rooted to the spot, I had to stay until the end, I couldn’t walk away. I would risk mental scarring for this. It would be worth it to hear how this all played out.
‘That’s the neck end of the chicken and they have put a prepared stick of stuffing in it so all you have to do is put the whole thing, bag and all in the oven and cook it. Just follow the instructions on the bag and you’ll be fine!’ The friend was almost home dry. Even I had to admit she had shown much more patience than I could have or would have mustered in this situation.
And then the goal posts moved.
‘What the fuck you on about? What neck end??’ Georgia shrieked!
I had turned around now and was watching avidly, I couldn’t help myself. It was like carcrash tv!
‘The fuckin’ chicken’s neck end you dimwit! Y’know where the chicken’s head and neck used to be, they cut it off don’t they! For fuck sake, why don’t you know this shit??’ The friend had officially lost the plot with Georgia!
I was thinking the exact same thing. I was shaking my head in amazement not only at the level of ignorance but the absolute patience exhibited by the friend, she had fought well until the very end! She was indeed a warrior woman in her own right. Good god she must love Georgia unreservedly to put up with that level of stupid!
The chicken in the bag was hurled back onto the shelf, Georgia looked utterly horrified.
The green shit is herbs…
‘Are you tellin’ me that’s a real fuckin’ chicken, with a head an’ eggs an’ feathers an’ shit?? NO WAY AM I EATIN A REAL FUCKIN’ CHICKEN! I’M A VEGETARIAN!’ Georgia won. Plain and simple, it’s just not possible to follow that statement. Where would you start?? Where could it go?? Her head had no brain in it! Her friend proved me wrong, I must be out of practice!
‘No way are you that fuckin’ stupid Georgia May, you’re supposed to be the smart one who can do any style of makeup n hair n shit but you didn’t know that was a real chicken?? Fuck off you daft bint you’re winding’ me up now!’ Annnnnd…. it was at this point the friend lost some ground with me. I couldn’t work out the connection between hair and makeup skills and identifying a chicken as being a real bird. I’m sure in some world there will be a perfectly reasonable explanation for the comparison, but it failed to ping in my brain.
Georgia delivered a mouthful of expletives, (the only reason I’m not writing them here is I can’t remember them all there were so many.) and stomped off in a huge hissy fit. Her friend stood gawping at her as she trounced out of the shop.
I was so glad I was wearing my mask, my mouth had dropped open, my eyes were like saucers, her friend’s face wore the same expression as mine, only hers could be seen due to the lack of a mask.
I turned away laughing to myself, I felt slightly sorry for the friend, she would undoubtedly have to catch up with Georgia at some point and that mental pain would continue unabated until she could stand it no longer.
I on the other hand could pay for my items, make a sharp exit left and escape back to my lovely, peaceful home and the sanctuary of online shopping!
Poor Georgia… she’s a vegetarian you know. I wonder what she thought she was eating? We shall never know…
This is why I don’t go out in public very often. They come out of the woodwork at me, the stupid people, they find me, they mess with my head and they get me in trouble.
I regaled T with the events of the shopping trip and while he laughed uproariously at the Georgia incident, he also insisted a spanking was due for my earlier fuck it moment with the trollies! I am now the owner of a very red bottom and a very bad attitude because I truly don’t think I deserved that spanking!
I am never going shopping in the real world again. It’s painful, in more ways than one!
So here we are again with a new Dimash offering, I was just wandering around on YouTube looking for music and stumbled upon this little beauty. It’s the first time I’ve seen it anywhere, so I jumped over to Dimash’s channel and there it was!
From the film ‘Eternal Memories.’
‘We cannot for the sake of capturing a monster, create another one.’ What a statement! A lot of people could learn from that one sentence.
The song ‘Battle of Memories’
It is dark and mournful, brooding and intense. Sung in Chinese and very dramatic for the unfolding story behind it depicted on the screen. There are English subs on this video but if you just listen to him rather than read the song, he will take you on the journey you are supposed to be on. His soaring notes, his quiet breathiness, as usual Dimash does not disappoint. I don’t think he could actually, ever.
Big orchestral sounds attached to a film can sometimes make you feel like you just cannot escape from James Bond no matter how hard you try. The instrumental sections in this song are no different, very much a JB theme style unfortunately. My only criticism and nothing at all to do with Dimash’s performance! Oh for an original movie theme tune!
Well, what a surprise, here is one Dimash prepared earlier!
‘Creators – The Past’ film theme tune to the rescue! Across Endless Dimensions song writer would not entertain the idea of anyone else singing the theme song once he had heard Dimash singing. He wanted Dimash and wrote the song specifically for his voice. No one else was ever stepping up to take that on then were they!
I just love that jacket btw… just sayin…
The mastery of this young man’s voice never ceases to amaze and thrill me, full on belting voice to the breathiest vocal, back to his belting voice, raising us up to whistle tone and not even a slight struggle along the way. Sheesh, others just wish they could sing like that … I know it’s recorded and not live, we all prefer him live but the imagery of this film coupled with Dimash’s voice made me want to go see the film immediately!
Anyway, that’s it for this Dimash post. Hope you enjoyed seeing this different side to his endless talents. So many genres to choose from, so little time ….
Next time I am taking us on a journey of Dimash’s traditional Kazakh folk music, brought up to date with his own compositions and concepts. It’s an interesting journey. I promise.
He rolled her over onto her back and slid his hands under her, finding and cupping her buttocks, gently squeezing the gorgeous round globes of warm flesh as he pulled her down the length of the bed and onto the tip of his hard, throbbing cock. He heard her breath catch at the contact on her overheated skin, the belt he had licked her beautiful bottom with still laying along side her, a small moan and whimper escaped her lips. His mind blanked as he pushed against her soft wet opening, no thoughts, just raw feelings, heat, need, desire, red hot and insistent drove him to take her hard and fast, but he was desperate to make this last, she was not making it easy for him, his primal urges were swamping him as he listened to her whispered pleas to take her, fill her, ride her. He paused to regain control and then began thrusting slowly, watching her face as he filled her tight slick pussy inch by inch, her mouth forming a perfect O of surprise and then pain shot across her expression and he slowed his movements, allowing her the time to adjust. She mewled, tiny little sounds that twisted the desire in his gut, making him thrust forward again, his need obliterating his attempts to go slowly for her, he couldn’t help himself he just wanted to sink in to her and fuck her senseless. She raised her hips to drive him deeper, he groaned and thrust harder.
Quite suddenly he was yanked back into reality as his phone rang incessantly on the bedside table. ‘Fuck it!’ He swore loudly as he rolled over and snatched it up, glaring at the screen before he pressed answer.
‘This better be good Lee.’ He muttered by way of answering.
‘Um… you told me to ring you with the balances first thing?’ His Club Manager sounded confused and just a little startled at his boss’s grumpy mood.
Thorn rubbed his hand over his face and spared a glance at the other side of his bed, it was empty, of course it was! His gut twisted, another bloody dream. Jesus! He swore under his breath as the rigidity of his cock belied his lone state.
‘Shoot.’ He grumbled ungraciously.
An hour later and Thorn was heading out the door and down to his waiting car. His heavy mood growing darker by the minute.
‘Good Morning Mr Thorn.’ His driver greeted him cheerfully as he opened the back door of the car for him.
‘Morning John, station please, and could we do it in silence?’ Thorn sank into the depths of the luxurious interior of his town car and allowed his mind to rewind back to the source of his latest dream.
Laura! He couldn’t shake her from his mind, not even for a second. He had been aware of her attraction to him from day one, it was entirely mutual. The natural chemistry between them had spiralled into the heated sexual tension they now played with daily. He made sure of it. They had been playing word games for three long months now, mind sex, he loved the sensuality and eroticism of it. He knew the instant she became turned on, her eyes gave her away, heavy lidded, her mouth slightly open as she absorbed the images he fed her mind, he knew the moment she became so wet she could no longer ignore it, she would wriggle on her seat and readjust her position to ease the dull throbbing ache. He was achingly aware when she was so close to orgasm all he would have to do was reach across and touch her and she would welcome that touch in an instant for the relief she would gain from it.
But he hadn’t, he would back off and give her a small smile, she knew he had seen her, she knew he could if he wanted to, her cheeks would flush with embarrassment and need, she would turn her face away in shame at her blatantly wanton reactions to his words, but still she played along with him, coming back for more and more of the same.
Yesterday evening he had finally taken that last step and now he felt like the biggest jerk ever. It should not have happened, he should have controlled his greedy need to feel her on him, any part of her, but he had given in to his own hunger and now he flogged his mind incessantly for his weakness. He’d had no right to ask her to go down on her knees for him. But ask her he had and she had gone willingly, without even so much as a pause.
His mind had been blown as she’d allowed him to guide her to her knees before him, her eyes locking with his as her mouth closed around the head of his achingly hard cock. His fingers had snaked through her hair gripping the back of her head, he couldn’t let her pull away, they had come too far to stop, it had been the most erotically loaded moment of his life and he’d had more than his fair share of those to date. He ramped up the sexual tension with words, pouring hot images into her mind as she took him with her mouth, sinking him so deeply down her throat she had barely been able to breath. He had revelled in her submission to him in that moment. She had taken them to the brink of exposure before she had drawn his hot seed from him in a heated rush of twists and sucks and strokes that had his mind spinning off into his own abyss, and his hips thrusting hard and fast into her mouth. He had growled long and low at his release and she had been glorious in her worship, swallowing, licking, savouring his taste.
He had repeatedly relived every second of those minutes every single minute since. Even in sleep his mind had continued with the onslaught of her mouth on his cock. His dreams had taken him further still, but were so much crueller to him. His dreams took him to the brink of ecstasy before waking him at breaking point and dumping him unceremoniously back in the real world. He would not get involved with a married woman, no matter how tempting she was.
Reality would kick at his sub conscious. He was hard wired to avoid this kind of messy entanglement. She was married, albeit to the biggest asshole on the planet, but still married nonetheless! The real world shattered his dream, forcing him to look where Laura lived with her nameless, faceless, useless husband and Thorn hated that fact with a passion he could not explain nor did he wish to. His gut twisted tightly again and he clenched his jaw against the myriad of images he was trying to push away. He looked out the window and sighed heavily. He had to snap out of this obsession and he had to snap out of it fast. Not only that, he knew he owed her a sincere apology for yesterday. That in mind he had ordered a huge bouquet of flowers to be delivered to their carriage this morning ready for her arrival. All that aside, he acknowledged he could not give up their daily train visits, he was nowhere near ready for that altruistic state of mind.
John pulled in to the drop off point at the station and quickly climbed from the car and opened the back door. ‘Pick you up at Euston sir?’ He asked politely. Thorn alighted from the car and nodded distractedly as he walked briskly through the station doors. His train came in a few minutes later and he boarded the first class carriage.
The flowers were there, an enormous display of every kind of white bloom, threaded with the thinnest golden strands of ribbon through them and set against a background of deep green foliage, the purity of the white calling to him, it was how he saw her, he flinched at how much he wanted to be the one that added her layers of colour to her life, to her sexual exploration of who she was. He wanted it to be him she used to try something new, something forbidden, something dark. He wanted to draw her inexorably into his world and never let her leave. But she was married and he swore again. His payment for his greed yesterday was the torture he now felt at having to acknowledge she would never be his.
The train pulled out of the station and he was heading towards Laura who would be waiting at the next station. 10 minutes more and she would be stepping onto the train and he would drink her in, soak her up and live on his thoughts until this evening. He was in deep, deep trouble here and he knew it. He had no clue how to climb out of the pit of desire he had thrown himself into and he wondered if it would drive him to an untenable madness in the end. He didn’t care. He watched the countryside flash by as he counted down the minutes.
10 minutes later Laura appeared at the door to their carriage. They had developed a ritual whereby she would wait to be invited to join him. He smiled at her and issued the invite. ‘Joining me?’ he asked with a small smile and a raised eyebrow. Laura nodded and stepped in, closing the door quietly behind her. She avoided looking directly at him, instead she focused her gaze on the beautiful flowers. ‘Lucky person.’ She remarked as she removed her jacket and sat facing him. He felt her nerves jumping under the surface of her gentle smile and he worked to put her at ease.
‘They’re for you. Thorn said softly. ‘I owe you an apology for the way I treated you yesterday evening Laura. I was completely out of line. I’m sorry.’ Thorn sat tensely, waiting for her reaction, his face telling her everything she needed to know. His sincerity was written all over it. She smiled.
‘No apology necessary Thorn, I went willingly, remember?’ She gave him a naughty smile as she slid over to the table to look at the flowers. ‘Does this mean I won’t be receiving my spanking this morning?’ She remained wholly focused on the flowers, inhaling their mingling scents and gently fingering the soft white petals.
She missed his visceral reaction to her words, his eyes darkened perceptibly, his cock pressing hard against the soft material of his pants. Images flooded his mind of her stretched over his knees, her creamy bare bottom raised and waiting for that first spank to redden the pristine landscape. His palm itched, and he sighed deeply. He was royally fucked.
She reached over to pick the card out of the display, he noticed the change immediately. ‘Where are your wedding rings Laura?’ His heart pounding in his chest, his mind racing, he struggled to keep his voice calm.
Laura smiled, more to herself than to him. ‘On the hall table along with the house key and a goodbye note to Ian.’ She stated baldly. Her attention remained on the little white card, she took in the hand written words of apology from him and she placed the card in her purse and moved back to her seat facing him.
Thorn could not hide his shock at her bald statement. ‘You left him? Tell me what’s going on Laura, Please.’ The intensity in his tone was not lost on her.
She gave him a little smile, ‘Oh don’t worry Thorn, it has nothing to do with what happened between us. I had already moved out yesterday morning. I was only going back last night to tell him to his face. As it turned out, he insisted on creating a scene to earn himself an instant caning from me as soon as I walked through the door, he made me so angry I actually took the cane from him and whipped him with it until he was crying. He expected me to keep count… that was foolish.’ She shook her head at the memory of him squealing that she had gone over their agreed amount of strokes. ‘Anyway, I finished the caning, went upstairs, sobbed my heart out, took a shower, gave him his cage key and told him to go fuck himself, literally with a dildo if that was his bent. I was filing for divorce. I left shortly afterwards. I am staying at the Station Point Hotel for the time being until I can find suitable accommodation closer to work.’
‘You never mentioned any of this yesterday, why didn’t you tell me about it?’ He wasn’t demanding an answer, she knew he wasn’t, he was genuinely confused as to why she hadn’t told him. She had literally told him everything else and left no detail out either. It didn’t make any sense.
She shrugged, ‘I didn’t tell you yesterday morning because I was still processing it myself. I had barely absorbed the impact of my decision. I couldn’t articulate it then, and as you might recall my mouth was rather full for the majority of the journey yesterday evening.’ She looked straight at him then and smiled the naughtiest smile he had ever seen on a woman and his cock rose to full mast.
Relief flooding him he grinned back at her. ‘Ah Laura, your sass is going to be your downfall lady, that spanking is now very much back on the table.’ He leaned across and tugged her hand until she stood up, albeit slightly reluctantly. She really had thought she was getting out of the spanking this morning. He had seemed so angry with himself for his actions. Apparently that didn’t extend to public spankings!
Within moments he had drawn her down across his lap and begun spanking her over her skirt and panties warming her bottom for what was to come. She wriggled and mewled a few little noises of surprise but nothing to write home about. Without warning he stood her up and sliding her skirt up over her hips and pulling her panties down to her knees, he swiftly upended her across his lap once again. She shivered at the coolness of the air against her exposed cheeks and against the dreadful anticipation that caused her to tense her bottom even while it excited her.
‘Relax your bottom Laura, or this will really hurt.’ He sounded almost disinterested and she risked a glance over her shoulder to look at his face. He was lost in the moment, smiling a crooked half smile as he took his time savouring the delightful sight of her upturned bottom over his knee. He stroked her slightly rose coloured cheeks for a moment, enjoying the feel of her soft round globes under his fingers, cupping and squeezing her bottom as he stroked and patted her. She wriggled and he could feel her heart beat pounding against his thigh. Her breathing had shortened and her legs sprang open of their own accord.
‘Feet down on the floor Laura, spread them so you keep your bottom well raised in the centre, it will help you keep your balance. Lean across and grip the arm of the seat.’ He murmured his instructions as he continued to pet and pat, allowing his fingers to smooth their way along her pussy’s moist lips. She groaned and did as he bade, finding herself stretched to her limits with her bottom perfectly positioned over the centre of his knee and raised up beautifully because of her straight legged stance.
Without warning he began spanking her properly, hard sharp spanks that scattered across each cheek, warming it, sending little flurries of stinging sharpness across her bottom. She yelped at the sudden impact and then remembering where they were she bit her lip and moaned quietly. Her mind was spinning, she had never had such an erotic spanking, this was turning her on so damn much she might cum before he even got started properly. In her minds eye she could see the picture she was presenting to the closed door and to Thorn. If the guard was to choose that moment to walk in, he would get an eyeful of her reddened bottom and thighs and her glistening wet pussy spread wide open to his gaze dripping with the shameful evidence of her wanton state. She groaned as another shot of desire tore through her matching the exquisitely painful throbbing sensations blooming underneath the surface of her heated bottom.
Thorn increased the pressure of each spank now, eliciting answering yelps from her, he talked quietly and firmly in that deep sensual smooth voice that ran right through her to her core, about how she really needed to pay attention to timings, had she taken one minute longer yesterday the guard would have been upon them and she would have been forced to continue until she had finished her task but with an audience of one.
He spanked harder, watching as her cheeks began to turn a cherry red, smiling deeply as he paused to feel the heat rising from them, this was exactly what he needed to put his world right this morning. Laura wriggled and moaned as the spanks began to rain down fast and furiously with no let up across both cheeks. Thorn was paying close attention to the tops of her thighs and her sit spot too and the stinging was so painful she yelped and swore profusely. This brought about a volley of very hard spanks as he remonstrated with her about her language. Her bottom jiggled deeply with the force of each hard spank as it landed and she jumped and yelped, biting her lip to stop herself from swearing again, loudly.
These considerations for her surroundings and the safety of her bottom swiftly deserted her when he finger tip spanked her wet pussy lips and the sharp sting he left there had her howling in no time at all. Her pussy disagreed of course, it wanted more and began to throb unbearably. Laura began pleading with him to stop, she struggled against his vice grip across her waist. Desperate to stop the onslaught sending heat spiralling through her pussy, making her completely aware of how close she was to climaxing. ‘Stop Thorn, we’re coming into the station, please, Thorn, people can see, please stop, I promise I will pay closer attention to timing in future. I promise not to swear when you spank me! I PROMISE!!’ She squealed as he spanked even harder and faster.
Thorn grinned at her pleading, she had just confirmed they had a future.
His elation shocked him deeply. He was a confirmed bachelor, he didn’t need female entanglements.
He brushed his thoughts aside as he played with her mind. ‘Its the guard you should be concerned about, he will be arriving in less than 30 seconds. You’ve wriggled and struggled so much you have delayed the end of your spanking by two minutes.’ Laura ramped up her wriggling and kicking out, reaching behind her to try to stop the spanks as they rained down on her very sore bottom. Thorn chuckled at her obvious distress at the thoughts now running through her head as she continued to fight against his hold.
He laughed at her puny attempts to dislodge his grip and caught her hands and held them behind her back. She was utterly panic stricken, she tried desperately to stand but he caught her flailing arms easily and trapped her kicking legs between his own and continued to spank very hard for a few moments more until she was sobbing. ‘Silly girl,’ he whispered, ‘you’re no match for my strength. Submit gracefully and I might let you up.’
Just then the guard knocked on the door of their carriage and Laura promptly lay perfectly still, head down she whispered in a faltering voice, ‘I submit Thorn, truly I do…. please let me up. Please…Please don’t let him see me like this!’ She begged on a sob.
Thorn released her and she almost toppled off his lap in her haste to stand up. She struggled with her skirt, pushing it down quickly, her panties still around her ankles forgotten in her haste to cover her very red and sore bottom from the guard. She hurriedly sat down and then winced as the deep throbbing pounded her tender bottom even harder against the unforgiving firmness of the seat. Thorn leaned across and flicked the catch on the door and the guard entered.
‘Sorry to disturb you Mr Thorn, tickets please Sir, Good morning Miss.’ The guard smiled at Laura as he scanned the tickets with his machine. He allowed his gaze to roam over her, he took in her general disarray and flushed face, and surmised he had interrupted something hot and heavy between the two of them. He quickly dropped his gaze to the floor lest he be caught gawping at her. He saw her panties around her ankle and he grinned and handed the tickets back to Thorn. He couldn’t help himself, he pointed.
‘I think you may have dropped something Miss.’ He said ever so politely.
Laura glanced down at her feet and wanted to curl up and die when she saw her panties pooled around her ankles. Her humiliation was complete!
The guard made a sharp exit left, chuckling to himself as he carefully closed the door behind him.
Laura was instantly furious with Thorn. She quickly bent down and retrieved her panties aiming to push them into her purse. Thorn snatched them from her, grinning, ‘I’ll take those, you won’t be needing them today.’ he said chuckling at her humiliation as he pushed them into his jacket pocket.
‘Huh, whatever!’ she snapped. ‘I’m not speaking to you.’ she huffed, and when he merely chuckled at her hissy fit she unloaded her wrath on him. ‘You did that on purpose. You all but exposed my bottom and and and …’
‘Pussy?’ he filled in for her, laughing,
‘Yes!’ she spluttered, her face now as crimson as her backside. ‘My pussy… and to a complete stranger! How could you do that to me? How dare you do that to me!’ She demanded furiously.
Thorn was completely unmoved by her temper tantrum and cut her off mid rant. ‘I didn’t Laura.’ he said succinctly. ‘That never happened, only almost. If you had taken your spanking like a good girl, which you knew you were going to receive this morning anyway, none of the last few minutes would have happened. You would have had your spanking and had enough time to alter your clothing so nothing was amiss.’ He leaned across and smoothed the loose tendrils of hair from her flushed face. He paused and stroked her skin as he smiled gently at her.
‘Listen to me Sweetheart, I’m not a domineering bullying man like your husband was, but I am a dominant man and I will bring you to submission, any way I see fit. Its my way. I cannot and will not change that. If you see a future with me in it, then you should understand this hard fact too. I will dominate you sexually, I will dominate your mind and body, but I will not try to break you or mould you into someone you are not. You will be free to be yourself and learn about yourself. I can guide you, help you, show you the many different facets of your personality, sexual and otherwise. But ultimately you will submit to me. Can you do that? Can you see yourself bending to my will even when you wish to fight against it?’ He murmured, fascinated with the softness of her skin, lost in the passion filled blue eyes staring back at him, hungry for the taste of her lips under his.
Laura stared at him in awe, she was struggling to process what he was saying, her mind utterly focused on the feel of his fingers against her skin. She didn’t care what she agreed to do with him, this man could tell her to run naked through the streets at lunch time and she would probably do it without question. She nodded her agreement mutely.
His heart was racing, his head was spinning, he had gone from the depths of despair this morning to wanting to shout his happiness from the rooftops at this unexpected but delightful turn of events. Laura was his for the taking, and he confessed, if only to himself, he was hers.
Thorn leaned in and caught her lips with his own. ‘Good girl.’ He breathed the words against her mouth as he pulled her into his lap and deepened the kiss.
There seems to be a rise in the number of posts relating to Narcissism, gas lighting, coercive control and marital abuse, and/or childhood traumas. I wrote this post some time ago, but I’ve updated it, expanded on it and am now reposting. I hope it helps someone, anyone, or at the very least goes some way to explaining to those who have never experienced it, what it feels like to live with a narcissist and be lucky enough to come out the other side.
There are many divides in society, I could make a list but you probably would lose interest pretty quickly and switch off, so I’m just going to talk about one that has been very prominent in my life.
My main concern is that when people read the word Narcissist they automatically switch off, sick of hearing about it. It is after all, front and centre in the news quite frequently. It has become a trotted out theme in soap operas. There are countless blog posts and articles on the subject. Memes about it. All are very necessary, they need to shine a light on this personality, but if it doesn’t affect you personally, you won’t relate and it becomes boring, a chore to listen to, watch, read about.
People switch off when they are faced with over kill.
I have many accounts of people saying to me, ‘oh come on, it couldn’t have all been bad, he always seemed so nice when we saw you together, are you sure it wasn’t 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. You must have done something to make him behave that way.’ Or the other set of comments, ‘why don’t you just get over it? Are you still banging on about that stuff? You’re attention seeking, it all happened so long ago, why are you still going on about it. Do you want him back, is that why you can’t let go?’
So, in order to provide answers to all of those comments and questions, I will tell you what I think about Narcissists.
Narcissist v Empath
Do you know a narcissist? Are you living with one? Were you raised by one? How would you know?
A narcissist will mimic empathy, they will mimic love and altruism, they will shower you with love and affection in order to secure their prize, you, and your adoration of them to the exclusion of all else including yourself.
You may feel utterly adored in the early stages of a narcissistic relationship but once the mask falls away you will think you have arrived in the bowels of hell and have absolutely no idea how or when you got there or where the exit door is.
They systematically strip you of your identity, your self-esteem, confidence, self-worth. They turn you into a powerless victim.
Why?
Because they can. It really is that simple, there is no grand plan, there is no ultimate goal. They do it because they like it, they do it because it makes them feel powerful and in control. They do it because they believe it is their right, they believe they are more important than you and they believe it is your role in life to serve them and keep them happy. They do it because they like to play the victim and illicit sympathy from everyone around them, the attention validates them, makes them feel important.
How do they get you to do this for them?
First and foremost they begin to withhold their ‘love and affection’ from you. They do this in bite sized pieces, they begin slowly, by telling you how disappointed you’ve made them because of your attitude, or something you promised to do but didn’t, or worse than that, something they have imagined you have done and therefore it is now real to them.
You work harder to earn back the adoration you have become accustomed to, they side step and find more fault with the efforts you have made, eventually when you are an emotional wreck, bereft of the loss of their love, they will begin to double down with the mind games. This is where the game for them is all powerful, make no mistake, you are a game to them. Nothing more. They will isolate you from family, friends. They will strip away respect, love financial support, a home. They will threaten to take your children from you if you have them. They will threaten to tell people you are a bad parent and paint you in the worst possible light. They will manipulate you into losing control and screaming at them so that they can say, ‘See? this is what I’m talking about, you are unreasonable, you are mentally unstable, you are unfit to be a parent, wife, partner, etc. I don’t know why I stay with you.’
You’re Not Good Enough
This makes you feel so terribly guilty that you are such a failure, a weight around their necks and yet they stay, they want to give you back the love you remember from the beginning when it was all good between you. Once again you step on the wheel of believing it is up to you to do better, try harder, be kinder, brighter, more entertaining, more compliant, more, more, more.
So you keep on trying and you keep on failing because they are in control and you are never going to succeed in winning back that which you never had. The narcissist system is designed for you to continually fail. It was all smoke and mirrors to trap you in the nightmare they call life. This is what they get off on. Making you grovel, and declare your undying devotion to them on a minute by minute basis. They will cheat on you and then tell you it was because you just aren’t good enough at sex, at loving them, at understanding their complex needs, if you had been a better wife, husband, partner, they would not need to go elsewhere to have their needs shored up by someone else. They will say you brought it on yourself. It’s never ever their fault because of course they are perfect and they are doing you a huge favour by sticking around with someone who is so flawed.
So, rather than the righteous outrage and feelings of betrayal that you should be feeling, you end up seeing their twisted point of view and accept that you just aren’t good enough for them. In turn, this makes you grateful for the fact they are still around at all and willing to put up with you even though you now think you are essentially a crap excuse for a human being. You wish you knew how to be who they fell in love with once more just so you could go back to the glorious love filled days and nights you shared in the early days.
Narcissists thrive on attention and they don’t care how they get it. They will twist and turn every single thing you say and do and say it isn’t good enough. You haven’t worked hard enough to gain even a tiny crumb of affection from them. You will keep working harder to regain that love you once had because they did love you once…right?
Gaslighting
In more extreme cases where gas lighting and physical abuse are present the situation spirals extremely quickly and you learn how to micromanage even the smallest of tasks in order to avoid confrontation. This undermines your ability to fight back. You are already suffering from mental fatigue at this stage, how on earth can you fight them when you think no one would believe you anyway? When you fear losing your children to them, where you fear being made homeless and penniless?
This takes away the avenues that you would normally automatically assume you could go down to gain your freedom. From here it is a downward spiral, you lose all sense of self and second guess every single thought you have, are they right? Is it you? Everyone else believes them to be a wonderful caring human being, this is the face they show to the outside world and woe betide you if they think you are going to tarnish that image.
Liars and Fantasists.
They will habitually lie to you about absolutely everything. You cannot ever, ever believe a single word that comes out of their mouths. They live in their own perfectly designed fantasy world and you are a tool for them to use to facilitate the smooth running of that fantasy. Nothing more. They absolutely believe their own lies and believe them to be the truth because it fits what they require. They are not and never will be swayed by facts and reality. They are never wrong and you’re the liar and the cause of any and all problems they may experience. This then fuels their degrading treatment of you. So you determine to try even harder to prove to them you are worthy of their love and affection. You can change, you can become the person they require, you can fill all their needs if they will just give you the opportunity to put it all right.
Wake up call. It’s never going to happen. When a fisherman baits a hook with a big fat juicy worm to catch that fish, he is not going to keep feeding that fish with more worms once it’s caught, he is going to do one of two things, he will either, throw it back in the water and it may live to catch another worm and mouthful of hook only to be released with yet another scar, or he will kill it and eat it. You are the fish. Once you have been hooked you are in the trap and they will work very quickly to demoralise you and make you entirely dependent on them.
If you are one of the really unlucky ones, they will leave you, flat out, no contact, no reason, they will just walk and you won’t hear from them in a while. Then… they contact you, out of the blue and tell you they miss you, they want to try again but you hurt them with all of your crazy, unreasonable behaviour before. So, if you’re willing to change your ways and see their point of view they will try to get over the hurt you inflicted on them previously and they will come back.
You are so lost at this point that you view this as a lifeline. They really must love you after all! You determine once again to try harder to please them and they come back with all the love they took away from you before. Well, almost.
You are so desperate for their affection at this point you haven’t noticed that the ‘love bombing’ is quite markedly reduced from the first time around. This is simple to explain, you are already hooked so they don’t have to work as hard to break you down and get back in. Not that you would even consider denying them at this point. You are now trauma bonded to the narcissist and they turn up the heat quickly after that. The mask falls away very swiftly now and you are back in the cycle of abuse with nowhere to turn. They left you alone just long enough that the cravings had become unbearable. The stage after that is recovery. You aren’t allowed to get to that stage.
Why do they hurt you?
Because they can. Your pain is the validation they are looking for that they are adored. An overt narcissist will become visibly excited by your tears, pain and hurt to the point of gleefulness. They have caused this. They are in control, they have all the power and they will trip on it for days! A covert narcissist will rejoice privately, they don’t want you to see who they really are. A covert narcissist will twist everything around and make it about them. What you have done to them, how hurt they are, how broken you have made them feel… they love to play the victim. An overt narcissist doesn’t care if you are hurting because of them, they will tell you ‘if you had just done as you were told, none of this would have happened. It’s your fault.’
How do you get out?
You lift your head up and take stock of what is really important to you and what you can easily afford to live without. You seek counsel, you start planning an escape strategy, you start to believe in yourself and you begin the ‘grey rock’ system with them. Grey rocking is a simple strategy whereby you do not react to your narcissist regardless of the provocation. You make yourself as uninteresting to them as is humanly possible. Become a shadow, don’t fight back, they love it when you verbalise your anger and frustration at them, they can twist your words and fire them back at you. They mirror you. When you are angry, you say, ‘you have hurt me’ they will instantly respond with, ‘you’ve hurt me!’ You say, ‘You said horrible things to me, you called me terrible names. You did terrible things to me.’ They will respond with the same statement. In the end, you have to stop because there is nowhere to go with a mirror conflict. You have to stop because you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality. Nothing is what it seems anymore, everything has become this twisted, grotesque version of reality where you are the ‘wrong’ one and they are the victim of your manipulation, lies, and deceit.
The instant you realise you are in this mindset, get out! Leave. Don’t stop, don’t wait, don’t try to fix it. It was never going to be fixed. The relationship never existed, they just wanted your adulation and devotion. They will suck the life out of you and then discard you without a backward glance. A broken, empty shell of the beautiful, empathetic person you were before.
I have barely skimmed the surface of the narcissist in this piece. They are much more varied and deceitful than I have been able to cover in this blog.
How do I know all this?
I am a survivor of narcissism from early childhood and later via marriage. My ex is an incompetent sociopath and covert narcissist. I was married to him for 20 years. If you spoke to him today, over a decade after our divorce and ask him his current wife’s name he would tell you mine. He has since remarried, but he will always say my name, especially in the presence of his new wife. He will say my name, and then laugh and say slip of the tongue, of course it’s Mary. Mary is sitting there hurting now because she is not his first thought when he thinks wife. She is mistaken, she is his only thought, he wants to twist his invisible knife, what better way to do it than give her an imaginary foe to fight to win his love and affection?
I am the one who got away, he left all the others. Because of this, he still to this day believes I will always be his wife, no piece of paper will ever tell him any different. He considers his life without me in it, to be just a long fishing trip. He thinks he can come home any time he likes. He has told me he fully intends to return home when he hits 70 years of age because he will require me to look after him in his old age.
I am prepared for him if he should ever carry out that threat.
I regained my sense of self, strength of purpose, worth and confidence. I am no longer a victim of gaslighting, narcissism and mental abuse. I am a Survivor. I will remain a Survivor.
If you recognise your relationship in this piece then please, do something now before it really is too late. You will never gain any kind of peace or happiness from within. You can only win if you get away and rebuild yourself and go absolutely no contact with them. They will move on to their next victim without a backward glance. I wish you could advise the next victim in advance, warn them, tell them your story, you can’t. The Mary’s of this world think that you failed and are the bitter one. They will have his love and devotion. They will not listen.
Strength and peace to you. Find yourself and be happy. We only have one life, you have the right to own yours. Do it now. Don’t wait, you may not have a tomorrow if you stay.
I have run a number of these posts now, and in each one I become more and more entranced by Dimash’s ability to vocalise the instrumental sections of each song he sings. Vocalisation leaves no room for error, he has to be pitch perfect or it will show up instantly.
I have long since considered his voice less a voice and more an instrument, perhaps a wood wind instrument, an electric guitar or even a violin. His stunning Ave Maria in the previous post stayed with me for days. I keep returning to it again and again.
In this post I want to show you a pure vocalisation of ‘Know’.
‘Know’
Know is one of the most beautiful songs I have heard in a very long time. I thought the lyrical version was stunning but this version, this version I have no words for. Pitch perfect from a very deep vocal fry to the soaring heights Dimash is renowned for, I can only say I have never heard anything quite like it. It should never be analysed only absorbed. After saying that I will add one thing, when we see Dimash sitting down to sing we should always wonder just how he is managing to reach these exceptionally high notes, it is extraordinarily difficult to pull in enough air to expand the chest and release each note so fully while in a seated position. Most singers will tell you that just sitting, they are restricting their ability to fully utilise their frame. Dimash not only sits cross legged, he leans forward further restricting his breathing. I am officially in awe.
Passione!
Passione! This literally blew me away. Full blown Tenor in action here, sublime phrasing, the beautiful tone of his voice enhanced by his dramatic stance. It took me a while to recognise that each movement he makes with his body allows his voice to become fuller and more rounded, allowing for each octave to sound as full as the previous one. When we consider that most vocalists have an octave range of 2 or 3 and you can hear them straining when they reach their limits, then it has to be appreciated just how difficult what he does at 3.44 minutes is! The rise to soprano and then whistle tone, back down to tenor with no effort (it seems) on his part at all.
By the way… the little girl really sounded outright creepy! Gave me goose bumps for all the wrong reasons. Just sayin…
Passione!
This version of Passione is no different to the first version except the ice dancers and the graphics telling the story. It explains the little girl thing a bit better, but she is still rather creepy in my opinion!
The soaring voices of the choir add such drama to this song that it gives me chills each time I hear it, the ice dancers add a new layer of beautiful imagery, their interpretation of the song is breath taking. So much talent on one stage!
Just because I love this particular song and for no other reason than Igor’s face in this pleases me greatly. The absolute joy that shines in his eyes for the pure magic his ears are listening to, is reason enough to put this post here. Of course, Dimash is stunning in his performance, his delivery is flawless and his voice reduces me to tears. Exactly how it should be!
Ulisse is a classic operatic piece that sees Dimash stay focused in a full range Tenor throughout the piece. Aida’s beautiful soprano is the perfect foil for his rich dark voice. I adore Aida Garifullina she has the purest quality of tone, and the ability to bring chills and tears at the same time. Her ability to harmonise flawlessly with Dimash took my breath away. Neither of them fought for the lead with their voices, both complimented and supported each other seamlessly. But if you listen carefully at the very end, the final high note, Dimash sings slightly above Aida. That is so very hard to do! I absolutely adore this entire performance!
Shout out to Igor, he could not keep the joy from showing clearly on his face! He was in heaven! As was the conductor, the orchestra and the choir too. Just take a look at their faces! Shout out to the ice dancers too, beautiful interpretation of the piece. Igor smiles! Sorry… I was watching it as I was typing here, Igor smiles in this video quite frequently! Love it!
So now I have to leave Dimash’s world for a little while and get on with some work again! Hope you enjoy this quick trip back into his Universe!
After their experience with Eileen, Laura and Ian had talked long into the night every evening for a full two weeks about their situation. They discussed at great length what each of them wanted from this new union. Their FLR contract had been written up and signed by both and witnessed by Eileen and George. The ink was now well and truly dry on the agreement. Ian’s whining was not part of that agreement and Laura was tired of having to keep reminding him about it. In fact over the past month, Ian had begun to purposely go out of his way to get himself into trouble. Jobs were being left around the house, he had begun drinking with his friends after work again, he knew these things would earn him a severe caning, it had, Laura had increased his punishment sessions to twice a week, in spite of this he continually moaned about wearing the cage, his language course and blunt, he would babble on about wanting to wank off when he was at work and how frustrating it was not to have that freedom, even though he knew it would bring about the opposite and he would not be freed. Laura was sick and tired of his stupid games.
‘Ian! For goodness sake stop whining and assume the bloody position! Let’s just get this over with!’ Laura ordered Ian into position for his twice weekly caning session.
‘It’s not fair Laura, I haven’t done anything to deserve a fucking caning! It HURTS!’ He whined as he reluctantly assumed the position over the arm of the sofa. His face a picture in petulance, his bare ass easily available due to his recently purchased new ‘home’ outfit. Not quite as embarrassing as wearing the heart shaped apron with the frills, but equally short and useless, he was now sporting his maid’s outfit, short frilly and entirely exposing both at front and back. He hated it of course, or he said he did, but he was always dressed in it when she came home from work.
Laura stepped up beside him, her thin whippy cane in hand, a look of utter boredom on her face. She was getting nothing from treating him this way, he on the other hand appeared to be enjoying himself immensely. He may well be moaning and grousing all the time, but Laura had long since cottoned on to the fact that he was trying to earn himself more spankings and canings. Plain and simple, Ian was a masochist and loved his new submissive role in their lives to the point he had become obsessed with it. She lifted the cane and swiped his backside hard once across both cheeks. He hissed and clenched his cheeks tightly against the sting and burn of the first stroke. Laura normally waited until he had unclenched before she gave him the next stroke. Not tonight, tonight she came straight in with a second, then a third and then a fourth, the cane whipping through the air on a whistle as it connected with tense muscles. Ian squealed so loudly she wondered whether the neighbours could hear him. She reached across and tugged at his ear. ‘A little less drama please Ian, we wouldn’t want the neighbours to find out you like to wear a maids outfit and have your ass fucked, spanked and caned twice a week now would we?’
Ian shot her an alarmed look, ‘No, S…Sorry, I will try and keep it down.’ Laura leaned over him and grabbed the throw cushion, she tossed it to him and he buried his face in it. She immediately resumed with the caning, coming in thick and fast with the strokes, Ian did his best to unclench between each stroke but most of the time he barely managed it before the next one landed. After 30 strokes he begged her to stop. ‘Please Laura, please stop, we were supposed to only be doing 20, you’ve done 30 now’
‘Were you counting Ian? I didn’t hear you. I wasn’t counting, it’s not my job is it? You count I cane. That’s how we do it. If I can’t hear you I keep on caning until I can hear you. Simple!’ She continued to cane him throughout her explanation until he hurriedly began counting loudly. His bottom was a mass of criss-crosses, thin blood red welts popping up all over, normally Laura would take her time and try and make neat rows down his backside, tonight she had unleashed all her pent up frustration and disdain on his sorry ass. Once he reached 10 she placed the cane across his butt and left the room, the sound of his caterwauling chasing her up the stairs.
Laura sat on their bed, knees pulled up to her chest, head down, tears streaming down her face, sadness written in every line of her body. She hated all this, just hated it. She hated who she had become when she was with him. Worse than that, she hated who her husband had become. This was a lot worse than the uncouth macho man she had been married to before all this had started. This masochist Ian was such a wimp! He snivelled and grovelled constantly, whined and moaned and continually begged for her attention. He had taken to sitting on the floor by her feet and stroking her legs. It drove her insane and she would literally push him away with her foot and send him to a corner. It was like owning Dobbie the House Elf from Harry Potter. Dobbie had more about him than Ian though. At least he knew he could escape if he was given an item of clothing.
Ian was constantly asking for more outfits to wear so he could feel the humiliation of wearing women’s clothes. It made Laura feel sick when she looked at him getting excited over each new arrival. He had purchased a number of different service style outfits, nurse, waitress, maid with his allowance, and he pranced around the bedroom in each one when it arrived, turning this way and that, checking himself out in the mirror, bending over to see if it showed all or just some of his flabby ass. He always ended each session by bending over the armoire at the end of the bed begging her to fuck him with the strap on. Laura had obliged once or twice just to shut him up but she detested the act. Instead she purchased a very large butt plug and instructed him to insert it each evening from the moment he came home until she sent him to bed. He was in seventh heaven but at least she didn’t have to peg him again. Her stomach roiled at the memories as they shifted through her mind. The tears continued to fall unabated until she heard him coming up the stairs and she wiped her face with her hands and slid off the bed. When he came into the bedroom she was in the middle of stripping off for a shower and he sat down in the corner of the room to watch her.
Laura turned to him, her gorgeous naked body on display to him. He devoured every centimetre of her with his eyes. She walked over to him and tugged his hair, pulling his face up so she could look down at him.
She held her hand out to him, ‘Open your hand Ian,’ she murmured. He looked at her slightly confused, but opened his hand anyway. She dropped his key into it and closed his fingers around it.
‘Do what the fuck you want Ian, take the cage off, wank, fuck yourself with a dildo, I don’t care. I’m done. Wear whatever fucking silly little outfit you want, I couldn’t care less. I am through with this. I am through with us. I am filing for divorce first thing tomorrow morning. I cannot and will not stay another minute with a man who does nothing but whine and complain even while he is being given everything he ever wanted and as usual, I get absolutely nothing back in return. I told you last week, quit the whining or we would be in trouble. You didn’t listen, you never do. You have your key for your cock now Ian, do what the fuck you want with it. I’m having a shower, and then I’m leaving.’ She let go of his hair and walked calmly away from him to the bathroom.
Ian stared after her, mouth hanging open in shock, fingers still closed tightly around the key in his palm. What the fuck had just happened here? he thought, stunned. He sprang to his feet and ran after her only to find the bathroom door locked against him. He banged on it, ‘Laura, babe. Please open the door, we need to talk about this, I don’t want a divorce Laura, I want you. I need you. I can’t live without you…’ He wailed as he slid down the door and sat leaning against it crying.
Laura showered, allowing her tears to mix in with the water spraying on her face until the water ran cold. She was over this, so very over it all. He hadn’t even realised she had packed all her belongings the night before when he had been out at his five a side football training. He had come in drunk and had fallen into bed, waking her to plead for his cage to be removed so he could have a wank. He didn’t want to fuck her he said, he just wanted to wank over her. He knew she didn’t like his cock. She had gone and slept in the guest room and had left for work this morning with all her cases before he had even woken up. She had checked into the hotel by the station and paid up front for a month. All she had left to do was come home this evening and tell him to his face. She was done. This morning she was smiling properly for the first time in a long time. She hurried to the station, the early train would be arriving at the platform in 10 minutes and he would be on it.
She had taken to catching the early train for the past few weeks in order to spend an hour extra with her stranger, in return, he had booked them into first class travel in a closed carriage and invited her to join him every day when she stepped onto the train. They still remained nameless to each other and she freely discussed her whole life with him, he never judged her, had never asked her for anything in the three months they had been talking. Until this evening. This evening he had made his move, he had said things to her that had made her insides twist tightly with desire, her pussy clamour for attention, her nipples harden into twin peaks desperate to be tweaked, twisted, suckled on. God she wanted him so badly right now she physically hurt from it as she remembered every look, every word, every touch. He had sat, long leg crossed, utterly relaxed, arms loosely folded, not blocking her, more commanding her attention, and then he had spoken in that beautiful rich dark tone of his. His eyes piercing hers with their heat.
‘When was the last time you looked at your husband and felt that twist of desire that made you want to rip his clothes off and fuck him until you couldn’t see straight?’
Laura had stared at him dumbfounded. ‘Never.’ She had whispered.
‘When was the last time you felt that way with me?’
‘Every time I see you, and right now.’ she responded quietly.
‘Slide your skirt up over your hips and open your legs for me.’ he ordered softly, and she complied, her eyes wide with surprise and heavy with desire.
She lifted her hips and pulled her skirt up her thighs, over her bottom and left it bunched around the top of her hips. She spread her legs hesitantly.
‘Good girl’ he murmured as he let his eyes roam freely over her sex, clearly defined by her soaked panties.
‘Take those off and give them to me.’ he pointed to her panties.
Laura slid them off and down her long legs bending to remove them and pick them up. As she straightened he leaned across to her and tugged her off balance from her seat and on to her knees before him. He plucked the panties from her fingers and put them in his jacket pocket.
He brushed the back of his fingers across her cheek as he spoke. ‘Dear girl, it is time you knew the taste of a real man. Not a snivelling wimp or bullish oaf. Unfasten my trousers and take my cock in your hands.’
Laura didn’t even think to hesitate, or deny him, instead she fumbled a little as her shaking fingers struggled with his belt, finally unfastening it, she flicked the button on his waist band and slid down the zipper. Pushing her fingers into the band of his shorts she tugged them down and gasped as the largest cock she had ever seen was released before her. His cock hung down, long and thick, and so very hard and she moaned quietly licking her lips in anticipation.
‘Take it my beautiful stranger, taste it, make it yours. Worship it, but before you do, you will tell me your name.’ He held her chin between thumb and forefinger, lifting her face to look up at him.
She raised her eyes to his as she hefted his cock between two hands. ‘Laura’ she whispered as she slid her lips around the beautifully shaped head and slipped him into the waiting warmth of her mouth.
‘Slide your fingers into your pussy Laura, rub your clit slowly with your thumb, imagine you are naked in front of a carriage full of people and you are fucking yourself as you suck a complete stranger’s cock for him, just because he asked you to.’ He instructed slowly as he gripped her head firmly and held her in place on his cock. Her mind flipped, her pussy throbbed with need, her juices soaking her fingers as she did as she was told. Her imagination spewed images out thick and fast and she tripped over into the fantasy easily.
She imagined watching herself sliding her fingers deep inside her, imagining the carriage to be full of people staring at her aghast as she let him fuck her mouth steadily. She should have felt ashamed at her wanton behaviour, but she didn’t she felt alive and free. Desire, sharp and insistent shot through her, soaking her fingers, as she filled her mouth with his cock, taking it in as far as she could. Pulling back to the tip only to plunge him deep down her throat as her fingers plunged inside her pussy. She grazed her thumb back and forth over her clit, it throbbed and she gasped, she had never felt so hot, horny, out of control and she loved it, she worked her mouth harder on his cock, her fingers harder in her pussy until she was grinding down on them, hooking her finger inside tapping her g spot. Everything tightened as her orgasm spiralled through her, unfurling deep in her belly and tearing down like lightening as her whole being warmed and became flooded with juices as she fell over the edge into the most amazing orgasm of her life. She rocked hard on her fingers as she gagged on his cock.
He held her head fast, not tightly, just firmly enough, the rocking of the carriage allowing him to fuck her mouth slowly and deliberately. She saw flashing images of every word he spoke and it drove her on to another orgasm, as the last one subsided, so the new one rose up to take its place. Her mind shattered with ecstasy as he continued to murmur instructions to her
‘You have exactly 3 minutes to make me cum before the guard arrives for our tickets Laura. If I have not cum you will remain on your knees with my cock in your mouth while I tend to the guard. I may invite him in to watch if you haven’t managed to comply with my request. Work faster beautiful, and keep riding your fingers. Imagine it is my cock inside you. Thick, long, incredibly hard, pounding that beautiful soft pussy. Imagine it Laura.’
Laura’s mind exploded with the images, her mouth ached from being stretched so wide but she didn’t care, she fucked her pussy with one hand and stroked him with the other while she suckled his balls licking, flicking them, tracing the thick throbbing vein underneath that ran the length of his cock and then she sucked and twisted his cock in a spiral motion until he grunted in surprise and then growled and thrust his hips hard as his cum exploded deep in her throat and she swallowed and smiled and licked her way back to the tip as he thrust again and filled her mouth once more with a second load and then some more until it spilled out of her mouth and down her chin. He caught it with a finger and scooped it as she swallowed and then held his finger out for her to clean it. She raised her eyes to his as she reached forward and sucked it into her mouth and cleaned it properly.
The guard could be heard next door asking for tickets, and the stranger tucked his cock back inside his trousers, fastened himself up and sat down again. Laura slid backwards onto her seat, pulled her skirt down and crossed her long legs. The stranger indicated she had a drip of his cum still at the corner of her mouth and she flicked the tip of her tongue gathering up the stray fleck, allowing the salty flavour of him to melt into her tongue, ‘Good girl.’ he murmured as the guard knocked and the stranger bade him enter.
‘Good evening Mr Thorn, tickets please Sir.’ the guard was new, and he wanted to make a good impression on any first class travellers so he made sure he knew all of their names. Laura looked at him slightly surprised at the reveal. Then embarrassment caused her face to flush as she realised he knew more about her stranger than she did, and she had just worshipped his cock, kneeling before him, submitting to him without question or hesitation. He was masterful and she was putty in his hands. She wanted to feel him buried deep inside her, and she groaned quietly and bit her lip. The guard cast her a cursory glance and she smiled brightly at him. ‘Sorry she babbled inanely, ‘I just remembered I’ve forgotten something!’ The guard nodded and returned his attention to his task.
The train approached her station as the guard left their carriage and closed the door.
Thorn smiled lazily at her, ‘Tomorrow morning I shall take you over my knee and spank you properly for cutting that so finely Laura and for telling the guard an outright lie.’
‘How do you know I was lying?’ she asked cheekily.
He chuckled at her bold tone, ‘because you were imagining me thrusting inside your soft wet pussy, you haven’t had that yet, you couldn’t have forgotten it. Ergo you lied. You will be spanked thoroughly for it too.’ He grinned.
Laura felt her bottom tingle and her pussy throb at the wonderful mixture of apprehension and excitement that coursed through her at his words.
‘Yes Mr Thorn,’ she mimicked the guard with a naughty expression on her face, curtseying as she stood before him. He stood and pulled her against him, delivering a swift swat to her bottom as he took her mouth with his own and proceeded to reduce her to a quivering mass of need.
‘You’ve been on your knees worshipping my cock for the last twenty minutes Laura, Mr Thorn is far too formal. Call me Evan or Thorn.’ He grazed her lips with his thumb then turned her towards the door as the train pulled into the station.
She turned back quickly, ‘Which do you prefer? Evan or Thorn? she asked.
‘Thorn.’ he replied quietly.
‘See you tomorrow morning Thorn.’ She said as she stepped out of the carriage and off the train. A scant few moments later she was blowing him a kiss as she walked slowly towards the exit and home to a wimp who was in for the shock of his life. There had been no chance before this evening had happened, now there was no contest at all.
Laura stepped from the shower and dried herself off. She picked up the clothes she had hung on the back of the door and dressed slowly. She re-applied her make up and dried her hair. Finally she was ready. Slipping her feet into her stilettos she opened the bathroom door and stepped around a weeping Ian, still sat curled up on the floor.
She walked down the stairs and gathered her coat, purse and briefcase and quietly let herself out, she was smiling.
Ian ran down the stairs and skidded to a halt at the hall table, her wedding ring, engagement ring and house keys were all there along with a brief note.
‘Well, you got your extra caning, I hope it was worth what you paid for it.
My beautiful stranger, I want to take you on a journey, one you’ve not been on yet, one you need to discover before you set your mind on who you are and what you need to feel fulfilled.
I have listened to you talk about your experiences for a week now, you sit facing me, blushing and stammering as you tell me your inner most secrets about the spankings you have received from your boss. You make me want to feel you over my knee, bottom bared and turning scarlet from my hand, I want to feel your heated skin under my palm. It itches to connect with your soft round globes. I dream of seeing your tears glisten on your cheeks for me. I want to taste them.
I watch you change visibly before my eyes when you move on to tell me of your obsession with your Boss, E. You tell me of your desire to dominate her, taste her, use her body for your pleasure. Are you lesbian you wonder? I don’t think so, but I want to see you in that moment when you ride her, pushing you both to climax, I want to see that climatic euphoria in your eyes, I want to take you then and show you how much more there is, how many ways I can bring you to that exalted state, I want to watch you spank E until she orgasms, I want to see how that turns you on and excites you. I would take you then, I would fill you with me until you cried out in pain then deep pleasure as you toppled over the edge into an abyss as yet a mystery to you. I want to watch you cane your pathetic husband until he whimpers in his corner cuddling his caged cock. I want to see your disdain for him. I want to see you dominate him, and then I would tame your dominance, but I want to experience your dominance too. I want to feel your feral nature as you claw at me as I thrust into you, driving you to more passionate heights than you’ve ever experienced before. I want you. I am hungry for you.
You tell me you don’t enjoy sex with your lazy uncouth husband, I’m not surprised! He could take some lessons about what it is to be a man. Yes you could teach him, but will he remember your lessons once his cage is removed? I doubt it. Are you lesbian? No I don’t think so, I have tested that theory quietly for a week now, I have looked at you in a way that causes you to flush and your eyes to darken with curiosity and some desire, you wish to know me physically. You respond on a subconscious level to my subtle interest. I am satisfied you are not lesbian.
You may well be bisexual, although is your fascination just with E? The way you describe her, I believe any woman would be obsessed with her, she has that indefinable quality, a subtle sensuality that oozes from her, it is in every line of her body, in her movement, the slow hip swing is not exaggerated it is merely enhanced to perfection. The smooth roll creates its own answering alignment with the flow of her body. Her eyes tell you a story of lust, desire, passion and intrigue. She is poetry in motion, a woman to be desired by all I think. This does not make you bi-sexual, only enamoured of E. Would that a different woman made a pass at you, I believe you would retreat, uninterested sexually, unless you were fortunate enough to meet a second woman of E’s nature. Perhaps bi-curious.
Your sexuality is fluid then, it changes with your mood. You dip into the water to fill your needs, once satiated you will rise out of that water and sink into something cooler, less demanding, less exciting until your calmed desires become needy, hungry again, when you observe your husband in his apron and cage, you feel nothing, there is no sexual desire for him. Even before the changes were made, you avoided sex with him wherever possible. You may love him, but I believe that is more habit than deep abiding love. He does not meet any of your needs. For now, he appears to be your practising ground for you to test out your dominant nature.
I find it interesting that you chose to emasculate your husband to the point he becomes superfluous to your needs entirely, except in his delivery of food and house services. Even in his most recent role of cuckold to E. He further diminishes his masculinity in your eyes by allowing her to ‘peg’ him as you put it. I wonder, did watching him go through this act for you turn you on? I don’t think so, I detected a level of disdain in your demeanour as you recounted your most recent experience. In this instance he had become a chore. You couldn’t even be bothered to punish him in the moment, rather, choosing to leave his caning for another day. Your interest in him has all but disappeared. He has shown too much weakness of spirit for you. He is too easy to manipulate and dominate. He is ruled by his cock you say, well, caging him has shown you just how much of his masculinity is tied up with that appendage. Take it off him and he cries like a baby, grovels at your feet, wears ridiculous items of clothing for you, allows your lover to penetrate him anally and you to penetrate him orally. Where is his masculinity? Where is his purpose for you?
Has he begged you yet to be released from his cage? You have not indicated that you will allow him that freedom, or how you expect to re-cage him afterwards. He has not come into these changes of his own accord, more been led into them by you and the threat of losing you. I think once he has his cock back, he will once again return to his previous nature. That is going to be an uncomfortable truth for you. You will see who he really is once and for all.
Eventually, I will make you an offer, one that will turn your head, make you think, make you feel, enable you to explore your deepest darkest desires, become completely unfettered of every day concerns. I will bring you into my world slowly and let you test your desires one by one until you settle and learn who you really are.
For now, I shall listen, I shall be here every evening for our journey home, watching your face light up when you see me here. Watching you blow your sweet little kiss as you walk away each evening. One day, I will catch that which is mine and keep it.
I am a patient man my beautiful stranger, I have the time to wait and observe the rapid changes you are experiencing, the butterfly is emerging from her cocoon, it won’t be much longer now. I can almost taste you.
I have run a number of these posts now, and in each one I become more and more entranced by Dimash’s ability to vocalise the instrumental sections of each song he sings. Vocalisation leaves no room for error, he has to be pitch perfect or it will show up instantly.
I have long since considered his voice less a voice and more an instrument, perhaps a wood wind instrument, an electric guitar or even a violin. His stunning Ave Maria in the previous post stayed with me for days. I keep returning to it again and again.
In this post I want to show you a pure vocalisation of ‘Know’.
‘Know’
Know is one of the most beautiful songs I have heard in a very long time. I thought the lyrical version was stunning but this version, this version I have no words for. Pitch perfect from a very deep vocal fry to the soaring heights Dimash is renowned for, I can only say I have never heard anything quite like it. It should never be analysed only absorbed. After saying that I will add one thing, when we see Dimash sitting down to sing we should always wonder just how he is managing to reach these exceptionally high notes, it is extraordinarily difficult to pull in enough air to expand the chest and release each note so fully while in a seated position. Most singers will tell you that just sitting, they are restricting their ability to fully utilise their frame. Dimash not only sits cross legged, he leans forward further restricting his breathing. I am officially in awe.
Passione!
Passione! This literally blew me away. Full blown Tenor in action here, sublime phrasing, the beautiful tone of his voice enhanced by his dramatic stance. It took me a while to recognise that each movement he makes with his body allows his voice to become fuller and more rounded, allowing for each octave to sound as full as the previous one. When we consider that most vocalists have an octave range of 2 or 3 and you can hear them straining when they reach their limits, then it has to be appreciated just how difficult what he does at 3.44 minutes is! The rise to soprano and then whistle tone, back down to tenor with no effort (it seems) on his part at all.
By the way… the little girl really sounded outright creepy! Gave me goose bumps for all the wrong reasons. Just sayin…
Passione!
This version of Passione is no different to the first version except the ice dancers and the graphics telling the story. It explains the little girl thing a bit better, but she is still rather creepy in my opinion!
The soaring voices of the choir add such drama to this song that it gives me chills each time I hear it, the ice dancers add a new layer of beautiful imagery, their interpretation of the song is breath taking. So much talent on one stage!
So now I have to leave Dimash’s world for a little while and get on with some work again! Hope you enjoy this quick trip back into his Universe!
This blog chronicles my unlikely entrance into the world of BDSM. Here I’ll share my story, the things I’ve learned, and the things I wish I had learned sooner. It’s also the place I will come to think out loud about where I go from here.
Some of my writings are NSFW. Fair warning. I write about my life, my love and the things that interest me. Please feel free to comment, ask questions or simply agree or disagree with my points of view. They are welcome. Thank you for reading.
Thoughts, writings, social commentary, and some photography by David Mei. Warning intended for an adult audience if you are not the age of majority where you live, leave now.
So, I've been spanked, hard! I have spanked myself hard, I have spanked others even harder! I'm now heading for a different road, one that still includes all the best bits of me, all the naughty bits, all the hot steamy bits, and plenty of spanking still to be had! But this time I'm creating characters to play out my delightful erotic fantasies, I hope you enjoy the new ride as much as the previous one...
Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh--, um, hog.
Gemma - Journey of Self discovery 