Narcissist v Empath – The Divide.

There seems to be a rise in the number of posts relating to Narcissism, gas lighting, coercive control and marital abuse, and/or childhood traumas. I wrote this post some time ago, but I’ve updated it, expanded on it and am now reposting. I hope it helps someone, anyone, or at the very least goes some way to explaining to those who have never experienced it, what it feels like to live with a narcissist and be lucky enough to come out the other side.

There are many divides in society, I could make a list but you probably would lose interest pretty quickly and switch off, so I’m just going to talk about one that has been very prominent in my life.

My main concern is that when people read the word Narcissist they automatically switch off, sick of hearing about it. It is after all, front and centre in the news quite frequently. It has become a trotted out theme in soap operas. There are countless blog posts and articles on the subject. Memes about it. All are very necessary, they need to shine a light on this personality, but if it doesn’t affect you personally, you won’t relate and it becomes boring, a chore to listen to, watch, read about.

People switch off when they are faced with over kill.

I have many accounts of people saying to me, ‘oh come on, it couldn’t have all been bad, he always seemed so nice when we saw you together, are you sure it wasn’t 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. You must have done something to make him behave that way.’ Or the other set of comments, ‘why don’t you just get over it? Are you still banging on about that stuff? You’re attention seeking, it all happened so long ago, why are you still going on about it. Do you want him back, is that why you can’t let go?’

So, in order to provide answers to all of those comments and questions, I will tell you what I think about Narcissists.

Narcissist v Empath

Do you know a narcissist? Are you living with one? Were you raised by one? How would you know?

 A narcissist will mimic empathy, they will mimic love and altruism, they will shower you with love and affection in order to secure their prize, you, and your adoration of them to the exclusion of all else including yourself.

You may feel utterly adored in the early stages of a narcissistic relationship but once the mask falls away you will think you have arrived in the bowels of hell and have absolutely no idea how or when you got there or where the exit door is.

They systematically strip you of your identity, your self-esteem, confidence, self-worth. They turn you into a powerless victim.

Why?

Because they can. It really is that simple, there is no grand plan, there is no ultimate goal. They do it because they like it, they do it because it makes them feel powerful and in control. They do it because they believe it is their right, they believe they are more important than you and they believe it is your role in life to serve them and keep them happy. They do it because they like to play the victim and illicit sympathy from everyone around them, the attention validates them, makes them feel important.

How do they get you to do this for them?

First and foremost they begin to withhold their ‘love and affection’ from you. They do this in bite sized pieces, they begin slowly, by telling you how disappointed you’ve made them because of your attitude, or something you promised to do but didn’t, or worse than that, something they have imagined you have done and therefore it is now real to them.

You work harder to earn back the adoration you have become accustomed to, they side step and find more fault with the efforts you have made, eventually when you are an emotional wreck, bereft of the loss of their love, they will begin to double down with the mind games. This is where the game for them is all powerful, make no mistake, you are a game to them. Nothing more. They will isolate you from family, friends. They will strip away respect, love financial support, a home. They will threaten to take your children from you if you have them. They will threaten to tell people you are a bad parent and paint you in the worst possible light. They will manipulate you into losing control and screaming at them so that they can say, ‘See? this is what I’m talking about, you are unreasonable, you are mentally unstable, you are unfit to be a parent, wife, partner, etc. I don’t know why I stay with you.’

You’re Not Good Enough

This makes you feel so terribly guilty that you are such a failure, a weight around their necks and yet they stay, they want to give you back the love you remember from the beginning when it was all good between you. Once again you step on the wheel of believing it is up to you to do better, try harder, be kinder, brighter, more entertaining, more compliant, more, more, more.

So you keep on trying and you keep on failing because they are in control and you are never going to succeed in winning back that which you never had. The narcissist system is designed for you to continually fail. It was all smoke and mirrors to trap you in the nightmare they call life. This is what they get off on. Making you grovel, and declare your undying devotion to them on a minute by minute basis. They will cheat on you and then tell you it was because you just aren’t good enough at sex, at loving them, at understanding their complex needs, if you had been a better wife, husband, partner, they would not need to go elsewhere to have their needs shored up by someone else. They will say you brought it on yourself. It’s never ever their fault because of course they are perfect and they are doing you a huge favour by sticking around with someone who is so flawed.

So, rather than the righteous outrage and feelings of betrayal that you should be feeling, you end up seeing their twisted point of view and accept that you just aren’t good enough for them. In turn, this makes you grateful for the fact they are still around at all and willing to put up with you even though you now think you are essentially a crap excuse for a human being. You wish you knew how to be who they fell in love with once more just so you could go back to the glorious love filled days and nights you shared in the early days.

Narcissists thrive on attention and they don’t care how they get it. They will twist and turn every single thing you say and do and say it isn’t good enough. You haven’t worked hard enough to gain even a tiny crumb of affection from them. You will keep working harder to regain that love you once had because they did love you once…right?

Gaslighting

In more extreme cases where gas lighting and physical abuse are present the situation spirals extremely quickly and you learn how to micromanage even the smallest of tasks in order to avoid confrontation. This undermines your ability to fight back. You are already suffering from mental fatigue at this stage, how on earth can you fight them when you think no one would believe you anyway? When you fear losing your children to them, where you fear being made homeless and penniless?

This takes away the avenues that you would normally automatically assume you could go down to gain your freedom. From here it is a downward spiral, you lose all sense of self and second guess every single thought you have, are they right? Is it you? Everyone else believes them to be a wonderful caring human being, this is the face they show to the outside world and woe betide you if they think you are going to tarnish that image.

Liars and Fantasists.

They will habitually lie to you about absolutely everything. You cannot ever, ever believe a single word that comes out of their mouths. They live in their own perfectly designed fantasy world and you are a tool for them to use to facilitate the smooth running of that fantasy. Nothing more. They absolutely believe their own lies and believe them to be the truth because it fits what they require. They are not and never will be swayed by facts and reality. They are never wrong and you’re the liar and the cause of any and all problems they may experience. This then fuels their degrading treatment of you. So you determine to try even harder to prove to them you are worthy of their love and affection. You can change, you can become the person they require, you can fill all their needs if they will just give you the opportunity to put it all right.

Wake up call. It’s never going to happen. When a fisherman baits a hook with a big fat juicy worm to catch that fish, he is not going to keep feeding that fish with more worms once it’s caught, he is going to do one of two things, he will either, throw it back in the water and it may live to catch another worm and mouthful of hook only to be released with yet another scar, or he will kill it and eat it. You are the fish. Once you have been hooked you are in the trap and they will work very quickly to demoralise you and make you entirely dependent on them.

If you are one of the really unlucky ones, they will leave you, flat out, no contact, no reason, they will just walk and you won’t hear from them in a while. Then… they contact you, out of the blue and tell you they miss you, they want to try again but you hurt them with all of your crazy, unreasonable behaviour before. So, if you’re willing to change your ways and see their point of view they will try to get over the hurt you inflicted on them previously and they will come back.

You are so lost at this point that you view this as a lifeline. They really must love you after all! You determine once again to try harder to please them and they come back with all the love they took away from you before. Well, almost.

You are so desperate for their affection at this point you haven’t noticed that the ‘love bombing’ is quite markedly reduced from the first time around. This is simple to explain, you are already hooked so they don’t have to work as hard to break you down and get back in. Not that you would even consider denying them at this point.
You are now trauma bonded to the narcissist and they turn up the heat quickly after that. The mask falls away very swiftly now and you are back in the cycle of abuse with nowhere to turn. They left you alone just long enough that the cravings had become unbearable. The stage after that is recovery. You aren’t allowed to get to that stage.

Why do they hurt you?

Because they can. Your pain is the validation they are looking for that they are adored. An overt narcissist will become visibly excited by your tears, pain and hurt to the point of gleefulness. They have caused this. They are in control, they have all the power and they will trip on it for days! A covert narcissist will rejoice privately, they don’t want you to see who they really are. A covert narcissist will twist everything around and make it about them. What you have done to them, how hurt they are, how broken you have made them feel… they love to play the victim. An overt narcissist doesn’t care if you are hurting because of them, they will tell you ‘if you had just done as you were told, none of this would have happened. It’s your fault.’

How do you get out?

You lift your head up and take stock of what is really important to you and what you can easily afford to live without. You seek counsel, you start planning an escape strategy, you start to believe in yourself and you begin the ‘grey rock’ system with them. Grey rocking is a simple strategy whereby you do not react to your narcissist regardless of the provocation. You make yourself as uninteresting to them as is humanly possible. Become a shadow, don’t fight back, they love it when you verbalise your anger and frustration at them, they can twist your words and fire them back at you.  They mirror you.  When you are angry, you say, ‘you have hurt me’ they will instantly respond with, ‘you’ve hurt me!’ You say, ‘You said horrible things to me, you called me terrible names. You did terrible things to me.’ They will respond with the same statement. In the end, you have to stop because there is nowhere to go with a mirror conflict. You have to stop because you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality. Nothing is what it seems anymore, everything has become this twisted, grotesque version of reality where you are the ‘wrong’ one and they are the victim of your manipulation, lies, and deceit.

The instant you realise you are in this mindset, get out! Leave. Don’t stop, don’t wait, don’t try to fix it. It was never going to be fixed. The relationship never existed, they just wanted your adulation and devotion. They will suck the life out of you and then discard you without a backward glance. A broken, empty shell of the beautiful, empathetic person you were before.

I have barely skimmed the surface of the narcissist in this piece. They are much more varied and deceitful than I have been able to cover in this blog.

How do I know all this?

I am a survivor of narcissism from early childhood and later via marriage. My ex is an incompetent sociopath and covert narcissist. I was married to him for 20 years. If you spoke to him today, over a decade after our divorce and ask him his current wife’s name he would tell you mine. He has since remarried, but he will always say my name, especially in the presence of his new wife. He will say my name, and then laugh and say slip of the tongue, of course it’s Mary. Mary is sitting there hurting now because she is not his first thought when he thinks wife. She is mistaken, she is his only thought, he wants to twist his invisible knife, what better way to do it than give her an imaginary foe to fight to win his love and affection?

I am the one who got away, he left all the others. Because of this, he still to this day believes I will always be his wife, no piece of paper will ever tell him any different. He considers his life without me in it, to be just a long fishing trip. He thinks he can come home any time he likes. He has told me he fully intends to return home when he hits 70 years of age because he will require me to look after him in his old age.

I am prepared for him if he should ever carry out that threat.

I regained my sense of self, strength of purpose, worth and confidence. I am no longer a victim of gaslighting, narcissism and mental abuse. I am a Survivor. I will remain a Survivor.

If you recognise your relationship in this piece then please, do something now before it really is too late. You will never gain any kind of peace or happiness from within. You can only win if you get away and rebuild yourself and go absolutely no contact with them.  They will move on to their next victim without a backward glance. I wish you could advise the next victim in advance, warn them, tell them your story, you can’t. The Mary’s of this world think that you failed and are the bitter one. They will have his love and devotion. They will not listen.

Strength and peace to you. Find yourself and be happy. We only have one life, you have the right to own yours. Do it now. Don’t wait, you may not have a tomorrow if you stay.

Walk Away

Dimash Qudaibergen: A lesson in pitch perfect!(Updated version)

I have run a number of these posts now, and in each one I become more and more entranced by Dimash’s ability to vocalise the instrumental sections of each song he sings. Vocalisation leaves no room for error, he has to be pitch perfect or it will show up instantly.

I have long since considered his voice less a voice and more an instrument, perhaps a wood wind instrument, an electric guitar or even a violin. His stunning Ave Maria in the previous post stayed with me for days. I keep returning to it again and again.

In this post I want to show you a pure vocalisation of ‘Know’.

‘Know’

Know is one of the most beautiful songs I have heard in a very long time. I thought the lyrical version was stunning but this version, this version I have no words for. Pitch perfect from a very deep vocal fry to the soaring heights Dimash is renowned for, I can only say I have never heard anything quite like it. It should never be analysed only absorbed. After saying that I will add one thing, when we see Dimash sitting down to sing we should always wonder just how he is managing to reach these exceptionally high notes, it is extraordinarily difficult to pull in enough air to expand the chest and release each note so fully while in a seated position. Most singers will tell you that just sitting, they are restricting their ability to fully utilise their frame. Dimash not only sits cross legged, he leans forward further restricting his breathing. I am officially in awe.

Passione!

Passione! This literally blew me away. Full blown Tenor in action here, sublime phrasing, the beautiful tone of his voice enhanced by his dramatic stance. It took me a while to recognise that each movement he makes with his body allows his voice to become fuller and more rounded, allowing for each octave to sound as full as the previous one. When we consider that most vocalists have an octave range of 2 or 3 and you can hear them straining when they reach their limits, then it has to be appreciated just how difficult what he does at 3.44 minutes is! The rise to soprano and then whistle tone, back down to tenor with no effort (it seems) on his part at all.

By the way… the little girl really sounded outright creepy! Gave me goose bumps for all the wrong reasons. Just sayin…

Passione!

This version of Passione is no different to the first version except the ice dancers and the graphics telling the story. It explains the little girl thing a bit better, but she is still rather creepy in my opinion!

The soaring voices of the choir add such drama to this song that it gives me chills each time I hear it, the ice dancers add a new layer of beautiful imagery, their interpretation of the song is breath taking. So much talent on one stage!

Just because I love this particular song and for no other reason than Igor’s face in this pleases me greatly. The absolute joy that shines in his eyes for the pure magic his ears are listening to, is reason enough to put this post here. Of course, Dimash is stunning in his performance, his delivery is flawless and his voice reduces me to tears. Exactly how it should be!

Ulisse is a classic operatic piece that sees Dimash stay focused in a full range Tenor throughout the piece. Aida’s beautiful soprano is the perfect foil for his rich dark voice. I adore Aida Garifullina she has the purest quality of tone, and the ability to bring chills and tears at the same time. Her ability to harmonise flawlessly with Dimash took my breath away. Neither of them fought for the lead with their voices, both complimented and supported each other seamlessly. But if you listen carefully at the very end, the final high note, Dimash sings slightly above Aida. That is so very hard to do! I absolutely adore this entire performance!

Shout out to Igor, he could not keep the joy from showing clearly on his face! He was in heaven! As was the conductor, the orchestra and the choir too. Just take a look at their faces! Shout out to the ice dancers too, beautiful interpretation of the piece. Igor smiles! Sorry… I was watching it as I was typing here, Igor smiles in this video quite frequently! Love it!

So now I have to leave Dimash’s world for a little while and get on with some work again! Hope you enjoy this quick trip back into his Universe!

If you would like to see more of Dimash’s videos please click on the link to his official YouTube page https://www.youtube.com/c/DimashQudaibergen_official/featured

Part 14: Laura’s Story: Three Months Later…Troubled Waters…

After their experience with Eileen, Laura and Ian had talked long into the night every evening for a full two weeks about their situation. They discussed at great length what each of them wanted from this new union. Their FLR contract had been written up and signed by both and witnessed by Eileen and George. The ink was now well and truly dry on the agreement. Ian’s whining was not part of that agreement and Laura was tired of having to keep reminding him about it. In fact over the past month, Ian had begun to purposely go out of his way to get himself into trouble. Jobs were being left around the house, he had begun drinking with his friends after work again, he knew these things would earn him a severe caning, it had, Laura had increased his punishment sessions to twice a week, in spite of this he continually moaned about wearing the cage, his language course and blunt, he would babble on about wanting to wank off when he was at work and how frustrating it was not to have that freedom, even though he knew it would bring about the opposite and he would not be freed. Laura was sick and tired of his stupid games.

‘Ian! For goodness sake stop whining and assume the bloody position! Let’s just get this over with!’ Laura ordered Ian into position for his twice weekly caning session.

‘It’s not fair Laura, I haven’t done anything to deserve a fucking caning! It HURTS!’ He whined as he reluctantly assumed the position over the arm of the sofa. His face a picture in petulance, his bare ass easily available due to his recently purchased new ‘home’ outfit. Not quite as embarrassing as wearing the heart shaped apron with the frills, but equally short and useless, he was now sporting his maid’s outfit, short frilly and entirely exposing both at front and back. He hated it of course, or he said he did, but he was always dressed in it when she came home from work.

Laura stepped up beside him, her thin whippy cane in hand, a look of utter boredom on her face. She was getting nothing from treating him this way, he on the other hand appeared to be enjoying himself immensely. He may well be moaning and grousing all the time, but Laura had long since cottoned on to the fact that he was trying to earn himself more spankings and canings. Plain and simple, Ian was a masochist and loved his new submissive role in their lives to the point he had become obsessed with it. She lifted the cane and swiped his backside hard once across both cheeks. He hissed and clenched his cheeks tightly against the sting and burn of the first stroke. Laura normally waited until he had unclenched before she gave him the next stroke. Not tonight, tonight she came straight in with a second, then a third and then a fourth, the cane whipping through the air on a whistle as it connected with tense muscles. Ian squealed so loudly she wondered whether the neighbours could hear him. She reached across and tugged at his ear. ‘A little less drama please Ian, we wouldn’t want the neighbours to find out you like to wear a maids outfit and have your ass fucked, spanked and caned twice a week now would we?’

Ian shot her an alarmed look, ‘No, S…Sorry, I will try and keep it down.’ Laura leaned over him and grabbed the throw cushion, she tossed it to him and he buried his face in it. She immediately resumed with the caning, coming in thick and fast with the strokes, Ian did his best to unclench between each stroke but most of the time he barely managed it before the next one landed. After 30 strokes he begged her to stop. ‘Please Laura, please stop, we were supposed to only be doing 20, you’ve done 30 now’

‘Were you counting Ian? I didn’t hear you. I wasn’t counting, it’s not my job is it? You count I cane. That’s how we do it. If I can’t hear you I keep on caning until I can hear you. Simple!’ She continued to cane him throughout her explanation until he hurriedly began counting loudly. His bottom was a mass of criss-crosses, thin blood red welts popping up all over, normally Laura would take her time and try and make neat rows down his backside, tonight she had unleashed all her pent up frustration and disdain on his sorry ass. Once he reached 10 she placed the cane across his butt and left the room, the sound of his caterwauling chasing her up the stairs.

Laura sat on their bed, knees pulled up to her chest, head down, tears streaming down her face, sadness written in every line of her body. She hated all this, just hated it. She hated who she had become when she was with him. Worse than that, she hated who her husband had become. This was a lot worse than the uncouth macho man she had been married to before all this had started. This masochist Ian was such a wimp! He snivelled and grovelled constantly, whined and moaned and continually begged for her attention. He had taken to sitting on the floor by her feet and stroking her legs. It drove her insane and she would literally push him away with her foot and send him to a corner. It was like owning Dobbie the House Elf from Harry Potter. Dobbie had more about him than Ian though. At least he knew he could escape if he was given an item of clothing.

Ian was constantly asking for more outfits to wear so he could feel the humiliation of wearing women’s clothes. It made Laura feel sick when she looked at him getting excited over each new arrival. He had purchased a number of different service style outfits, nurse, waitress, maid with his allowance, and he pranced around the bedroom in each one when it arrived, turning this way and that, checking himself out in the mirror, bending over to see if it showed all or just some of his flabby ass. He always ended each session by bending over the armoire at the end of the bed begging her to fuck him with the strap on. Laura had obliged once or twice just to shut him up but she detested the act. Instead she purchased a very large butt plug and instructed him to insert it each evening from the moment he came home until she sent him to bed. He was in seventh heaven but at least she didn’t have to peg him again. Her stomach roiled at the memories as they shifted through her mind. The tears continued to fall unabated until she heard him coming up the stairs and she wiped her face with her hands and slid off the bed. When he came into the bedroom she was in the middle of stripping off for a shower and he sat down in the corner of the room to watch her.

Laura turned to him, her gorgeous naked body on display to him. He devoured every centimetre of her with his eyes. She walked over to him and tugged his hair, pulling his face up so she could look down at him.

She held her hand out to him, ‘Open your hand Ian,’ she murmured. He looked at her slightly confused, but opened his hand anyway. She dropped his key into it and closed his fingers around it.

‘Do what the fuck you want Ian, take the cage off, wank, fuck yourself with a dildo, I don’t care. I’m done. Wear whatever fucking silly little outfit you want, I couldn’t care less. I am through with this. I am through with us. I am filing for divorce first thing tomorrow morning. I cannot and will not stay another minute with a man who does nothing but whine and complain even while he is being given everything he ever wanted and as usual, I get absolutely nothing back in return. I told you last week, quit the whining or we would be in trouble. You didn’t listen, you never do. You have your key for your cock now Ian, do what the fuck you want with it. I’m having a shower, and then I’m leaving.’ She let go of his hair and walked calmly away from him to the bathroom.

Ian stared after her, mouth hanging open in shock, fingers still closed tightly around the key in his palm. What the fuck had just happened here? he thought, stunned. He sprang to his feet and ran after her only to find the bathroom door locked against him. He banged on it, ‘Laura, babe. Please open the door, we need to talk about this, I don’t want a divorce Laura, I want you. I need you. I can’t live without you…’ He wailed as he slid down the door and sat leaning against it crying.

Laura showered, allowing her tears to mix in with the water spraying on her face until the water ran cold. She was over this, so very over it all. He hadn’t even realised she had packed all her belongings the night before when he had been out at his five a side football training. He had come in drunk and had fallen into bed, waking her to plead for his cage to be removed so he could have a wank. He didn’t want to fuck her he said, he just wanted to wank over her. He knew she didn’t like his cock. She had gone and slept in the guest room and had left for work this morning with all her cases before he had even woken up. She had checked into the hotel by the station and paid up front for a month. All she had left to do was come home this evening and tell him to his face. She was done. This morning she was smiling properly for the first time in a long time. She hurried to the station, the early train would be arriving at the platform in 10 minutes and he would be on it.

She had taken to catching the early train for the past few weeks in order to spend an hour extra with her stranger, in return, he had booked them into first class travel in a closed carriage and invited her to join him every day when she stepped onto the train. They still remained nameless to each other and she freely discussed her whole life with him, he never judged her, had never asked her for anything in the three months they had been talking. Until this evening. This evening he had made his move, he had said things to her that had made her insides twist tightly with desire, her pussy clamour for attention, her nipples harden into twin peaks desperate to be tweaked, twisted, suckled on. God she wanted him so badly right now she physically hurt from it as she remembered every look, every word, every touch. He had sat, long leg crossed, utterly relaxed, arms loosely folded, not blocking her, more commanding her attention, and then he had spoken in that beautiful rich dark tone of his. His eyes piercing hers with their heat.

‘When was the last time you looked at your husband and felt that twist of desire that made you want to rip his clothes off and fuck him until you couldn’t see straight?’

Laura had stared at him dumbfounded. ‘Never.’ She had whispered.

‘When was the last time you felt that way with me?’

‘Every time I see you, and right now.’ she responded quietly.

‘Slide your skirt up over your hips and open your legs for me.’ he ordered softly, and she complied, her eyes wide with surprise and heavy with desire.

She lifted her hips and pulled her skirt up her thighs, over her bottom and left it bunched around the top of her hips. She spread her legs hesitantly.

‘Good girl’ he murmured as he let his eyes roam freely over her sex, clearly defined by her soaked panties.

‘Take those off and give them to me.’ he pointed to her panties.

Laura slid them off and down her long legs bending to remove them and pick them up. As she straightened he leaned across to her and tugged her off balance from her seat and on to her knees before him. He plucked the panties from her fingers and put them in his jacket pocket.

He brushed the back of his fingers across her cheek as he spoke. ‘Dear girl, it is time you knew the taste of a real man. Not a snivelling wimp or bullish oaf. Unfasten my trousers and take my cock in your hands.’

Laura didn’t even think to hesitate, or deny him, instead she fumbled a little as her shaking fingers struggled with his belt, finally unfastening it, she flicked the button on his waist band and slid down the zipper. Pushing her fingers into the band of his shorts she tugged them down and gasped as the largest cock she had ever seen was released before her. His cock hung down, long and thick, and so very hard and she moaned quietly licking her lips in anticipation.

‘Take it my beautiful stranger, taste it, make it yours. Worship it, but before you do, you will tell me your name.’ He held her chin between thumb and forefinger, lifting her face to look up at him.

She raised her eyes to his as she hefted his cock between two hands. ‘Laura’ she whispered as she slid her lips around the beautifully shaped head and slipped him into the waiting warmth of her mouth.

‘Slide your fingers into your pussy Laura, rub your clit slowly with your thumb, imagine you are naked in front of a carriage full of people and you are fucking yourself as you suck a complete stranger’s cock for him, just because he asked you to.’ He instructed slowly as he gripped her head firmly and held her in place on his cock. Her mind flipped, her pussy throbbed with need, her juices soaking her fingers as she did as she was told. Her imagination spewed images out thick and fast and she tripped over into the fantasy easily.

She imagined watching herself sliding her fingers deep inside her, imagining the carriage to be full of people staring at her aghast as she let him fuck her mouth steadily. She should have felt ashamed at her wanton behaviour, but she didn’t she felt alive and free. Desire, sharp and insistent shot through her, soaking her fingers, as she filled her mouth with his cock, taking it in as far as she could. Pulling back to the tip only to plunge him deep down her throat as her fingers plunged inside her pussy. She grazed her thumb back and forth over her clit, it throbbed and she gasped, she had never felt so hot, horny, out of control and she loved it, she worked her mouth harder on his cock, her fingers harder in her pussy until she was grinding down on them, hooking her finger inside tapping her g spot. Everything tightened as her orgasm spiralled through her, unfurling deep in her belly and tearing down like lightening as her whole being warmed and became flooded with juices as she fell over the edge into the most amazing orgasm of her life. She rocked hard on her fingers as she gagged on his cock.

He held her head fast, not tightly, just firmly enough, the rocking of the carriage allowing him to fuck her mouth slowly and deliberately. She saw flashing images of every word he spoke and it drove her on to another orgasm, as the last one subsided, so the new one rose up to take its place. Her mind shattered with ecstasy as he continued to murmur instructions to her

‘You have exactly 3 minutes to make me cum before the guard arrives for our tickets Laura. If I have not cum you will remain on your knees with my cock in your mouth while I tend to the guard. I may invite him in to watch if you haven’t managed to comply with my request. Work faster beautiful, and keep riding your fingers. Imagine it is my cock inside you. Thick, long, incredibly hard, pounding that beautiful soft pussy. Imagine it Laura.’

Laura’s mind exploded with the images, her mouth ached from being stretched so wide but she didn’t care, she fucked her pussy with one hand and stroked him with the other while she suckled his balls licking, flicking them, tracing the thick throbbing vein underneath that ran the length of his cock and then she sucked and twisted his cock in a spiral motion until he grunted in surprise and then growled and thrust his hips hard as his cum exploded deep in her throat and she swallowed and smiled and licked her way back to the tip as he thrust again and filled her mouth once more with a second load and then some more until it spilled out of her mouth and down her chin. He caught it with a finger and scooped it as she swallowed and then held his finger out for her to clean it. She raised her eyes to his as she reached forward and sucked it into her mouth and cleaned it properly.

The guard could be heard next door asking for tickets, and the stranger tucked his cock back inside his trousers, fastened himself up and sat down again. Laura slid backwards onto her seat, pulled her skirt down and crossed her long legs. The stranger indicated she had a drip of his cum still at the corner of her mouth and she flicked the tip of her tongue gathering up the stray fleck, allowing the salty flavour of him to melt into her tongue, ‘Good girl.’ he murmured as the guard knocked and the stranger bade him enter.

‘Good evening Mr Thorn, tickets please Sir.’ the guard was new, and he wanted to make a good impression on any first class travellers so he made sure he knew all of their names. Laura looked at him slightly surprised at the reveal. Then embarrassment caused her face to flush as she realised he knew more about her stranger than she did, and she had just worshipped his cock, kneeling before him, submitting to him without question or hesitation. He was masterful and she was putty in his hands. She wanted to feel him buried deep inside her, and she groaned quietly and bit her lip. The guard cast her a cursory glance and she smiled brightly at him. ‘Sorry she babbled inanely, ‘I just remembered I’ve forgotten something!’ The guard nodded and returned his attention to his task.

The train approached her station as the guard left their carriage and closed the door.

Thorn smiled lazily at her, ‘Tomorrow morning I shall take you over my knee and spank you properly for cutting that so finely Laura and for telling the guard an outright lie.’

‘How do you know I was lying?’ she asked cheekily.

He chuckled at her bold tone, ‘because you were imagining me thrusting inside your soft wet pussy, you haven’t had that yet, you couldn’t have forgotten it. Ergo you lied. You will be spanked thoroughly for it too.’ He grinned.

Laura felt her bottom tingle and her pussy throb at the wonderful mixture of apprehension and excitement that coursed through her at his words.

‘Yes Mr Thorn,’ she mimicked the guard with a naughty expression on her face, curtseying as she stood before him. He stood and pulled her against him, delivering a swift swat to her bottom as he took her mouth with his own and proceeded to reduce her to a quivering mass of need.

‘You’ve been on your knees worshipping my cock for the last twenty minutes Laura, Mr Thorn is far too formal. Call me Evan or Thorn.’ He grazed her lips with his thumb then turned her towards the door as the train pulled into the station.

She turned back quickly, ‘Which do you prefer? Evan or Thorn? she asked.

‘Thorn.’ he replied quietly.

‘See you tomorrow morning Thorn.’ She said as she stepped out of the carriage and off the train. A scant few moments later she was blowing him a kiss as she walked slowly towards the exit and home to a wimp who was in for the shock of his life. There had been no chance before this evening had happened, now there was no contest at all.

Laura stepped from the shower and dried herself off. She picked up the clothes she had hung on the back of the door and dressed slowly. She re-applied her make up and dried her hair. Finally she was ready. Slipping her feet into her stilettos she opened the bathroom door and stepped around a weeping Ian, still sat curled up on the floor.

She walked down the stairs and gathered her coat, purse and briefcase and quietly let herself out, she was smiling.

Ian ran down the stairs and skidded to a halt at the hall table, her wedding ring, engagement ring and house keys were all there along with a brief note.

‘Well, you got your extra caning, I hope it was worth what you paid for it.

Goodbye Ian.

L.’

Part 13: The Stranger… A Monologue.

My beautiful stranger, I want to take you on a journey, one you’ve not been on yet, one you need to discover before you set your mind on who you are and what you need to feel fulfilled.

I have listened to you talk about your experiences for a week now, you sit facing me, blushing and stammering as you tell me your inner most secrets about the spankings you have received from your boss. You make me want to feel you over my knee, bottom bared and turning scarlet from my hand, I want to feel your heated skin under my palm. It itches to connect with your soft round globes. I dream of seeing your tears glisten on your cheeks for me. I want to taste them.

I watch you change visibly before my eyes when you move on to tell me of your obsession with your Boss, E. You tell me of your desire to dominate her, taste her, use her body for your pleasure. Are you lesbian you wonder? I don’t think so, but I want to see you in that moment when you ride her, pushing you both to climax, I want to see that climatic euphoria in your eyes, I want to take you then and show you how much more there is, how many ways I can bring you to that exalted state, I want to watch you spank E until she orgasms, I want to see how that turns you on and excites you. I would take you then, I would fill you with me until you cried out in pain then deep pleasure as you toppled over the edge into an abyss as yet a mystery to you. I want to watch you cane your pathetic husband until he whimpers in his corner cuddling his caged cock. I want to see your disdain for him. I want to see you dominate him, and then I would tame your dominance, but I want to experience your dominance too. I want to feel your feral nature as you claw at me as I thrust into you, driving you to more passionate heights than you’ve ever experienced before. I want you. I am hungry for you.

You tell me you don’t enjoy sex with your lazy uncouth husband, I’m not surprised! He could take some lessons about what it is to be a man. Yes you could teach him, but will he remember your lessons once his cage is removed? I doubt it. Are you lesbian? No I don’t think so, I have tested that theory quietly for a week now, I have looked at you in a way that causes you to flush and your eyes to darken with curiosity and some desire, you wish to know me physically. You respond on a subconscious level to my subtle interest. I am satisfied you are not lesbian.

You may well be bisexual, although is your fascination just with E? The way you describe her, I believe any woman would be obsessed with her, she has that indefinable quality, a subtle sensuality that oozes from her, it is in every line of her body, in her movement, the slow hip swing is not exaggerated it is merely enhanced to perfection. The smooth roll creates its own answering alignment with the flow of her body. Her eyes tell you a story of lust, desire, passion and intrigue. She is poetry in motion, a woman to be desired by all I think. This does not make you bi-sexual, only enamoured of E. Would that a different woman made a pass at you, I believe you would retreat, uninterested sexually, unless you were fortunate enough to meet a second woman of E’s nature. Perhaps bi-curious.

Your sexuality is fluid then, it changes with your mood. You dip into the water to fill your needs, once satiated you will rise out of that water and sink into something cooler, less demanding, less exciting until your calmed desires become needy, hungry again, when you observe your husband in his apron and cage, you feel nothing, there is no sexual desire for him. Even before the changes were made, you avoided sex with him wherever possible. You may love him, but I believe that is more habit than deep abiding love. He does not meet any of your needs. For now, he appears to be your practising ground for you to test out your dominant nature.

I find it interesting that you chose to emasculate your husband to the point he becomes superfluous to your needs entirely, except in his delivery of food and house services. Even in his most recent role of cuckold to E. He further diminishes his masculinity in your eyes by allowing her to ‘peg’ him as you put it.
I wonder, did watching him go through this act for you turn you on? I don’t think so, I detected a level of disdain in your demeanour as you recounted your most recent experience. In this instance he had become a chore. You couldn’t even be bothered to punish him in the moment, rather, choosing to leave his caning for another day. Your interest in him has all but disappeared. He has shown too much weakness of spirit for you. He is too easy to manipulate and dominate. He is ruled by his cock you say, well, caging him has shown you just how much of his masculinity is tied up with that appendage. Take it off him and he cries like a baby, grovels at your feet, wears ridiculous items of clothing for you, allows your lover to penetrate him anally and you to penetrate him orally. Where is his masculinity? Where is his purpose for you?

Has he begged you yet to be released from his cage? You have not indicated that you will allow him that freedom, or how you expect to re-cage him afterwards. He has not come into these changes of his own accord, more been led into them by you and the threat of losing you. I think once he has his cock back, he will once again return to his previous nature. That is going to be an uncomfortable truth for you. You will see who he really is once and for all.

Eventually, I will make you an offer, one that will turn your head, make you think, make you feel, enable you to explore your deepest darkest desires, become completely unfettered of every day concerns. I will bring you into my world slowly and let you test your desires one by one until you settle and learn who you really are.

For now, I shall listen, I shall be here every evening for our journey home, watching your face light up when you see me here. Watching you blow your sweet little kiss as you walk away each evening. One day, I will catch that which is mine and keep it.

I am a patient man my beautiful stranger, I have the time to wait and observe the rapid changes you are experiencing, the butterfly is emerging from her cocoon, it won’t be much longer now. I can almost taste you.

Sweet desire.

Dimash Qudaibergen: A lesson in pitch perfect!

I have run a number of these posts now, and in each one I become more and more entranced by Dimash’s ability to vocalise the instrumental sections of each song he sings. Vocalisation leaves no room for error, he has to be pitch perfect or it will show up instantly.

I have long since considered his voice less a voice and more an instrument, perhaps a wood wind instrument, an electric guitar or even a violin. His stunning Ave Maria in the previous post stayed with me for days. I keep returning to it again and again.

In this post I want to show you a pure vocalisation of ‘Know’.

‘Know’

Know is one of the most beautiful songs I have heard in a very long time. I thought the lyrical version was stunning but this version, this version I have no words for. Pitch perfect from a very deep vocal fry to the soaring heights Dimash is renowned for, I can only say I have never heard anything quite like it. It should never be analysed only absorbed. After saying that I will add one thing, when we see Dimash sitting down to sing we should always wonder just how he is managing to reach these exceptionally high notes, it is extraordinarily difficult to pull in enough air to expand the chest and release each note so fully while in a seated position. Most singers will tell you that just sitting, they are restricting their ability to fully utilise their frame. Dimash not only sits cross legged, he leans forward further restricting his breathing. I am officially in awe.

Passione!

Passione! This literally blew me away. Full blown Tenor in action here, sublime phrasing, the beautiful tone of his voice enhanced by his dramatic stance. It took me a while to recognise that each movement he makes with his body allows his voice to become fuller and more rounded, allowing for each octave to sound as full as the previous one. When we consider that most vocalists have an octave range of 2 or 3 and you can hear them straining when they reach their limits, then it has to be appreciated just how difficult what he does at 3.44 minutes is! The rise to soprano and then whistle tone, back down to tenor with no effort (it seems) on his part at all.

By the way… the little girl really sounded outright creepy! Gave me goose bumps for all the wrong reasons. Just sayin…

Passione!

This version of Passione is no different to the first version except the ice dancers and the graphics telling the story. It explains the little girl thing a bit better, but she is still rather creepy in my opinion!

The soaring voices of the choir add such drama to this song that it gives me chills each time I hear it, the ice dancers add a new layer of beautiful imagery, their interpretation of the song is breath taking. So much talent on one stage!

So now I have to leave Dimash’s world for a little while and get on with some work again! Hope you enjoy this quick trip back into his Universe!

If you would like to see more of Dimash’s videos please click on the link to his official YouTube page https://www.youtube.com/c/DimashQudaibergen_official/featured

Part 12: Ian’s Story. New Rules.

Ian arrived in work at 8.15am. He wandered around preparing the office for the day, his mind skittering back to the previous evening with Laura and Eileen.

His cock jumped and twitched as he remembered the moment Eileen had produced a strap-on from her bag and stepped into the harness, tightening the buckles as she raised her eyebrow at Laura. Laura had gulped a little at the size of the dildo now protruding from Eileen’s body but she had grinned and nodded silently. Ian had seen Eileen’s eyes darken with pure lust as she strutted towards his wife with the huge appendage jutting out, glistening with lubrication. Laura licked her lips nervously but Eileen was in control. She looked across at Ian and grinned at him as she pulled Laura down to the end of the bed and positioned her on her knees in front of her. The huge cock looked to Ian like it might split her in two as Eileen pushed the huge bulbous head against Laura’s dripping pussy spreading her wide with its girth, she was gentle at first, probing the tip of the dildo into Laura’s wetness and pushing slowly until Laura began to growl and push back wanting to feel the cock fully inside her. Eileen plunged deep inside her and rode her pussy until his wife was screaming in ecstasy as she orgasmed over and over again. She swore each time Eileen thrust in and gasped and moaned each time she withdrew, begging her to fuck her hard, begging her to make her cum again and again. She gushed juices over the two women and Eileen laughed delightedly as Laura writhed and rutted beneath her. She gripped Laura’s ass and spread those juices all over her heavily bruised bottom. Laura moaned as the bruises from her three nights of spanking throbbed unbearably at the new pressure being applied to them. Both of the women had completely forgotten about him.

He remained in the corner, hands on his head, his cock dribbling in its cage, a small damp patch resting on the surface of the carpet. He groaned heavily as he watched his wife take the fucking of a life time from her boss and he was jealous. He wanted to fuck Laura like that, she wouldn’t let him, said he was too big for her, what the fuck was that about? Look at the size of that fucking dildo! Ian had muttered and mumbled to himself while the women fucked in front of him, oblivious to his presence, soaked in a sheen of sweat and pussy juices, they changed positions, Laura on top bouncing her pussy and bruised ass up and down on that monster cock and Ian felt like his cock was going to explode in the cage from the pressure. His frustration climbed, he moaned loudly, he was desperate to fuck Laura’s ass while she bounced on that fucking dildo!

Ian grunted and stirred his coffee furiously as the memory of his own reactions came back full force, his face turned crimson as he remembered how he had cried like a baby letting the tears slide down his face because he wanted to be the one fucking her rigid! He wanted to do that to Laura, she wouldn’t let him because he was shit in the bedroom she said. He had hurt her. Why the fuck had he not known she could be like this? He was humiliated. He was completely caught up in his memories now, work forgotten, or at least it could be until dickhead George came in and started gobbing off all over the place about what a shrew his missus was! Fucking hell, he thought he had problems, at least his cock wasn’t all caged up! Although Ian wasn’t so sure anymore, I mean, how would you know? George always went to the stalls alone, maybe he was hiding the same secret as Ian was? Fuck it, he couldn’t exactly ask him could he?

He sat down in his seat gingerly and picked up his coffee cup. His mind picked up where he had left off. There was no escaping his part in last night’s events or his role in the entertainment.

He hadn’t been able to help himself and he had dropped down on to his knees and crawled slowly across to the side of the bed and sat cuddling his caged cock as he watched his wife and her boss fuck each other relentlessly. Laura was now wearing the strap-on, and she was magnificent in her domination of Eileen. Ian was shocked at how easily Eileen had submitted to his wife. He had always thought she was a ball breaker and Laura was a mouse! How wrong could he be? He mewled quietly as Laura claimed and tamed her boss, spanking her ass as she fucked her pussy, gripping her hair as she thrust into her, demanding she control her orgasm, ordering her to wait, not yet, you don’t cum until I say you can, she whispered in Eileen’s ear as she leaned over her and fucked her long and hard and Eileen had begged and pleaded, ‘please Laura, please let me cum, I can’t hold on any more…’ Ian had watched as Laura took command of the power that Eileen had handed her. ‘Try darling, or I will have to punish you, hold on Eileen, not yet…’ Eileen had squealed and moaned and did exactly as Laura ordered.

Laura’s own orgasm spiralled and she growled low in Eileen’s ear, ‘cum for me Eileen,’ and Eileen had screamed in delicious ecstasy as her body convulsed and released her juices at the same time as Laura’s body did the same. She withdrew from Eileen’s soaked pussy and the two women collapsed in a heap of limbs on the bed. Both exhausted, satiated, flushed and damp. Their skin glistened, slick with sweat and Ian whimpered as he watched his wife sooth her lover in the afterglow of their frenzied coupling sliding her fingers between the other woman’s pussy lips stroking her clit lazily as Eileen’s hips wriggled and lifted off the bed for better contact.

Laura looked across suddenly like she had only just realised he was there and she smiled lazily at him. ‘I don’t remember telling you to move from your corner Ian,’ she remonstrated mildly with him. He hung his head waiting for a punishment to be handed out. Laura laughed at him. ‘Yes darling you will have to take six with the cane so shall we get that out of the way now or later?’

Ian grimaced at the thought and whispered in a subdued voice, ‘later please Laura.’

She grinned at him, ‘Later it is, I have another job for you anyway. Come up here darling, would you like a taste of all this glorious cum? I bet you would…’ she said as she smiled wickedly at him. He didn’t need a second invite, he was up and on the bed in a flash and Eileen raised herself up on her elbows to watch him. Her bared breasts bouncing gently as she moved, her legs still spread wide, her glistening pussy with pink and pouting swollen lips on full view. She glared at him for disturbing Laura from her play! Ian glared back but lowered his gaze and quickly moved over to Laura.

He had stupidly gone straight to lie between her legs thinking she would let him lick her pussy. Fuck that, his wife had other ideas and she held that monster dildo out to him. ‘Lick this clean darling, there’s a good boy, you can taste us both on it and if you’re very good and clean all of it, I might have a surprise for you.’ Ian had felt his blood drain from his face. She wanted him to lick a cock? He raised his eyes and looked at her pitifully, ‘please Laura, I don’t want to do that, it’s a cock.’

Laura frowned at him, ‘you don’t want to suck my cock Ian? You don’t want to give me a blow job when I want one? What kind of husband are you to deny me my conjugal rights? Suck it Ian or there will be consequences, you are already on 6 strokes of the cane.’ Ian’s mouth had dropped open at her words. They were a parody of every time she had refused him a blow job. They were his fucking words! He had no choice, he nodded his head and crouched down between her thighs and began licking the cock. He could taste them both on his tongue but he gained no pleasure from it. He licked that fucking dildo from tip to base and cleaned it with his tongue, his face pulled into a grimace the whole time. He had stopped at one point and Eileen nudged him with her foot, ‘no slacking Ian,’ she had said as she suckled on his wife’s tit. Fucking bitch, he thought, this was her fault, Laura hadn’t brought one of these fucking belts into the house. This was all Eileen. He glared at her, his thoughts obvious on his face, she grinned as she slid her fingers down between her legs and began stroking her clit as his wife fucked her gently with her fingers. Laura had not missed the non verbal hostilities between them both.

She sighed and pushed Eileen gently off her, she sat up and suddenly Ian was being gripped by his hair his head pulled back to look at her.

‘How dare you look at Eileen that way Ian. Who do you think you are?’

‘I’m sorry Darling, I really am sorry, I never meant…’ he stammered.

‘Laura raised her eyebrow at his stammered excuses, ‘I don’t want to hear it Ian, I would much rather you fill that filthy mouth of yours with my cock. Suck it. Don’t stop until I say you can.’ She pushed his head down and pushed her dildo into his mouth and held tight to the back of his head so he had no choice but to give the dildo a ‘blow job’.

She made him continue, giving him instructions the way he did to her, thrusting her hips and fucking his mouth till he gagged, the way he did to her.

He shifted his position in his chair as the feelings of shame and humiliation crawled through him again as he remembered how he had grovelled and sucked on that dildo like he loved it.

He jumped up from his seat and strode over to the coffee machine for a refill, laughing at himself because he was trying to escape his own memories. He poured the coffee as the images of his debasement poured through his mind. He was ashamed now, but last night, he had gotten off on doing this to her, somewhere in the middle of it all he had gotten so fucking turned on his cock swelled up until it was squashed hard against the bars, and he was rutting against the bed as she fucked his face. Laura hadn’t missed it either.

‘Oh look Eileen, he’s really enjoying himself! Perhaps he can have his surprise after all!’ Then she had whispered something to Eileen that he couldn’t hear but he heard Laura’s bedside drawer open and close and he shut his eyes tight as she continued to fuck him and make him rut.

Eileen had slid off the bed, he didn’t care, he hated her right now, she had done this to his wife. She had changed his ordered world and turned it upside down. If it wasn’t for her, his wife would still be a mousy little woman who did everything he wanted. His cock went soft in its cage at the thought and he was shocked by his own reaction. He didn’t have time to consider it though as he felt the bed give a little behind him. His ass was stuck up in the air as he sucked on Laura’s cock, he couldn’t turn around as he felt Eileen brush up against the back of his thighs, but his whole body reacted to the contact. He jumped and tried to lift up, Laura patted his face gently, ‘shush darling, Eileen is getting your surprise ready. Be a good boy and carry on with my blow job, you haven’t made me cum yet.’ His own words, ‘you can’t stop, you haven’t made me cum yet.’ Bounced around inside his head and he went to town on proving that he could suck a cock until she came if that was what she wanted. And then he had felt the cold liquid being squirted into his ass hole and he whimpered in shock and dismay. ‘god let it be a plug and nothing else, pleaseeee!’ he thought frantically. The coldness of the lube trickled down inside his ass and his cock swelled up to the biggest it could in its confines. He hung his head in shame, he had fucking loved being used like this, and he was ashamed of it, but not enough to call out his safe word.

Laura moved her hips now, and positioned herself so that his face was impaled on her dildo as Eileen pressed a slightly smaller cock against his tight bud and then pushed slowly until the head was inside him and then he had squealed…and squealed as the slightly thinner but equally long cock began to invade his virgin ass…

His office door burst open at that moment, George strutting in, skimming his briefcase along the floor to lay haphazardly against his desk.

‘Fuck, you’re in early E, you wet the fuckin’ bed or what?’ He groused as he poured himself a coffee.

‘Nah the wife stayed with a friend last night so I didn’t get me blow job this mornin’.’ he mumbled, ‘thought I might as well get me sorry ass in here early and do some work for a change.’ He groused back.

George grunted, ‘similar problems mate, similar problems. Mine won’t open her fucking mouth to suck me off but she fucking moans like a bitch with it all day long if I let her.’ He grumbled and bemoaned his unhappy marriage and Ian suddenly knew, they were both fucking acting. He risked a glance down at George’s crotch, but the baggy trousers hid a multitude of sins. Ian looked away and walked to his desk, once again lowering himself gingerly into his chair. His little caged cock jumping as remnant sensations from getting his cherry popped ached inside his ass ring. He smiled a little to himself. He hoped Laura would do it herself next time. Eileen was good, but after the way he had seen his wife fuck her boss with that strap-on, he wanted it from her and he would do whatever it took to get what he wanted. He knew just how to do it too.

George broke across his thoughts, ‘what you grinning at you dirty little fucker?’

Ian glanced up, ‘oh nothin’ mate, just some new rules for the household Laura has installed. I’ve been reading them for three days, I finally understand what’s she’s after.’

George looked at his colleague curiously, ‘your missus make the rules in your house mate?’

‘Ian laughed, ‘yeah mate, she’s way fuckin’ better at that shit than I am. She calls it FLR and to be honest, I’ve never been happier!’

George started to say something but changed his mind allowing a few moments to pass before he said, ‘FLR… female led relationship? That’s what my missus has been bangin’ on about for the past 6 weeks but I just shove me cock in her mouth to shut her up!’ His words sounded macho but his tone said something different, almost like a light bulb had gone on in his head.

Ian shook his head at him, ‘you might wanna listen to her if you wanna stay married mate. I nearly lost my missus because I was giving her all this macho bullshit constantly. Best thing I ever did was step down and hand over the power to her.’

George’s shock was written all over his face. ‘Seriously E? She was gonna leave you?’ His surprise was beaten back by his greater curiosity, and a few moments later he asked, ‘You’re okay with that stuff? y’know, the rules stuff? what kind of things does she want you to do?’

Ian grinned, ‘I’m not gonna lie mate, it ain’t easy. Some of this stuff is big things like decision making. She always asks for my input and she takes it into consideration when she’s making a decision but ultimately she decides and I have to accept her decision. If I don’t get on board I get a punishment. A couple of times I’ve gone against her decision and moaned about the unfairness of it and my backside was so sore I could barely sit down. I learned pretty quickly this week that getting my ass spanked is not the hot thing I thought it would be and there are worse things she can do too. I toe the line now!’

George was hanging on Ian’s every word. ‘What you sayin’ mate? She fuckin’ spanked your ass?’ His eyes were round saucers of surprise in his face, only matched by his mouth hanging open!

Ian nodded and laughed, ‘yeah amongst other things and it hurts like fuck too. I always wanted to give her a spanking but thought she was too buttoned up to allow it, seems like I didn’t know my wife at all. She spanks like a fuckin’ demon mate. I do as I’m told now. That includes all the housework and cooking, she manages all the bills and I ask her for money when I need it. It works Gee, don’t scoff at it, till you try it. Oh yeah and be wary of the cane, I’ve got 6 strokes coming at me tonight and they will hurt like fuck!’

Ian was grinning, for the first time this week he was feeling good about his home life. He had settled a lot of stuff in his head now and apart from having to wear that fucking apron and nothing else, he was a happy man.

George nodded quietly, listening intently. Just this morning Caroline had told him things had to change or she was done. Perhaps he had better start listening more closely…

 

Dimash Qudaibergen : Homeland Cultural Connection and the delights of Pure Vocalisation.

Performance of Daididau on I am Singer 2017
Performance of Daididau on Dimash Digital Show 2021

So the first of these two videos is the first time I saw Dimash perform ‘Daididau’ on the I am Singer series, I was drawn into the whole feel of the folk song and I really appreciated seeing his pride in his National costume, also his pride in playing his national instrument, the Dombra. He wanted to promote his homeland and represent them, I think it’s safe to say, he did a wonderful job.

This song is a basic, simple love song but the delivery of it is so powerful and passionate it gives me chills.

The second video is the same song revisited by Dimash in 2021 for his Digital Show. His performance of the song is different, changed, more up to date and for me, more powerful. It stops being a national anthem and becomes something much more personal to the artist, so therefore more personal to the listener.

Both versions are favourites of mine, I can’t choose between them because they both bring different qualities.

‘Know’ is a beautiful song that highlights the warmth and richness of Dimash’s tone throughout. It takes us on a journey without the immense highs we are used to hearing from him. He concentrates more on the ending section of the song where he vocalises the instrumental doing it in such a way that it becomes an integral part of the listening experience. Staccato notes at that pitch are a rarity, especially performed so beautifully.

I’m ending today’s little side trip into Dimash land with two new videos he has released very recently.

The first is Stranger and the second is Ave Maria.

Dimash shows us in Stranger, how improved his command of English is. Prior videos have been exceptionally heavily accented, sometimes causing the words to sound distorted. This performance in Stranger, is simply stunning. I am always amazed at this young man’s versatility in language skills. To sing in a foreign language is hard enough, to have the ability to sing in 12 different languages, well… who am I to complain about distortion of words? Oh yeah and there is that gorgeous vocal fry at the beginning of the song!

Once again, his vocalisation of the instrumental sections pulls the listener in to the entirety of the song and not just the lyrical aspect. His performance remains engaged and in ‘character’ throughout the entirety of the song. Magnificent vocals as usual but so very polished from his early performances in 2017. The growth in his craft is immense and is a pleasure to watch unfold year upon year.

Special nod to Igor Krutoy who composed Stranger and Ave Maria and accompanies. He almost smiles a few times too!

Ave Maria is not your typical version. It couldn’t be, it’s Dimash! Once again, he delights us with a pure vocalisation of a composition he asked Igor Krutoy to create especially for him. He told him what he was hearing in his head and Igor created the music. The above video is the end result. It sounds to me like three notes repeated over and again in rising octaves and semi-tones, I’m not musically competent enough to be able to say for sure that these are the correct descriptions for what he does with his voice, all I know is I sat spellbound from start to finish. I have no words, this performance should never be analysed, it should just be enjoyed over and over again.

I hope you enjoyed my little side trip into Dimash’s world once again. Seems I just can’t stay away for too long.

All videos can be found on Dimash’s official YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/c/DimashQudaibergen_official/featured

Part 11 (2): Eileen & Laura’s Story. An evening of Surprises…

Laura sat in the corner of her seat on the late train, her bottom and thighs burning unbearably. Her pussy throbbing and feeling twice its normal size courtesy of the continual swatting it had taken from that truly awful crop. She hated Mr Crossley so much right now, she wondered whether she should start looking for a new job. A lone tear escaped and tracked down her cheek. The man sat facing her had been glancing at her on and off throughout their journey. He was always here when she caught this train, he looked nice and normal and she chose to sit facing him because he looked safe, whatever that looked like these days! She had thought Mr Crossley was safe too and look how that had turned out. That spanking bench was horrible and her face flushed once again at the thought of her exposure to him while she was attached to it. The man leaned across to her, ‘Are you ok? Here…’ he said thrusting a tissue into her hand. Laura took it and gave him a tremulous smile as she dabbed at her wet cheeks.

‘Thank you.’ She whispered, casting her eyes down to avoid further conversation.

He nudged her foot with his, ‘I’m a good listener, if you want to leave it somewhere safe.’ He smiled a gentle coaxing smile and Laura smiled back but shook her head at the same time. Her thoughts were running rampant in her head just at the idea!

Oh my god, imagine his face if she told him that for the last three days she had been soundly spanked every evening by either one or the other of her bosses and both of them on one occasion! Not to mention she was a newly liberated dominant woman who wished to take her marriage over into an FLR rather than keep it in the dreadful state it was in presently and that while she may love her husband, she didn’t particularly like him very much right now and she was wondering if all of this FLR business was worth it with him!

A naughty insistent little voice kept prodding her, ‘Go on don’t be a coward, tell him! What’s the worst that can happen? He may think you’re a lunatic but so what? ‘ Laura glanced up at him, he was very easy on the eyes and she really needed a salve for her mood right now. It had been a dismally disappointing and painful day full of many questions and no easy answers. What was one more dose of humiliation in the grand scheme of things?

Laura nudged his foot with her own, ‘do you get easily shocked?’ she asked playfully. He grinned and nudged her back, ‘Nope! I’m kinda bomb proof as it goes!’ he laughed.

‘Okay but this isn’t your run of the mill ‘my husband is awful and I hate my boss’ kind of story you know although both of those components are in there.’ she warned him.

‘Thank god!’ He laughed, ‘Those stories are always so boring! By the way I’m…’

‘NO!’ Laura stopped him before he could complete his sentence. ‘Don’t tell me your name, we have to remain strangers or I won’t be able to tell you. It’s just so humiliating! Do you promise?’

‘Pinky promise.’ He answered, holding his little finger out. She hooked it with her own and then for the next 20 minutes she regaled him with the beginning of the story of the last 3 days of her life! ‘It all started when my Boss, we shall call her E, caught me watching spanking videos on the office PC…’

20 minutes later and after answering many, many questions from him, the train pulled into her station and she stood, gathering her briefcase and handbag.

‘Wait,! I need to know what happens next! You can’t just leave it there!’ He sounded desperate!

Laura giggled, ‘Well, you’ll just have to be on this train tomorrow evening won’t you! It’s the last spanking of the week tomorrow, thankfully! At least I will have the weekend to recover. If you’re here I will tell you some more.’ She ran to the exit and stepped off the train, turning briefly to wave at him, he looked so disappointed, she giggled again and blew him a kiss, before hurrying off the platform.

Gosh she felt so much better for having talked it all out with her stranger! Telling someone else seemed to have been cathartic for her, although some of her good feeling was probably because she could tell he had been hugely turned on by her naughty spanking confessions, insisting she go into great detail about the stories and especially the ending and E taking advantage of the opportunity the story had allowed her. Laura chuckled as she thought about the way his hand had covered his obvious erection, his eyes were heavy lidded by the time her station was in view. She knew he would be there tomorrow night and now she had something else to look forward to. Confessions to a stranger! Her tummy did a little flip of anticipation at the thought as she put her key in the lock and opened her front door.

‘Ian! I’m home!’ She called as she closed the door behind her. She dropped her case and handbag on the hall stand and removed her coat and suit jacket. Ian appeared in the hall wearing the frilly apron, his cock cage and nothing else. ‘Good evening Darling, how was your day?’ he asked politely.

Laura waved her arm in his direction as if to swat his words away, ‘don’t be so stuffy Ian, just a ‘Hi darling’ will do!’ She strode down the hall towards him and landed a peck on his cheek as she passed him on her way to the dining room. She was pleased to see the table was set and a delicious smell was wafting through from the kitchen. She sat down carefully at the table and breathed a small sigh of relief to finally be home and back in control of her life.

Ian disappeared into the kitchen and Laura took a moment to observe his pale fleshy bottom flashing at her as he walked. He came back almost immediately with two plates of delicious looking food and Laura smiled brightly at him. ‘My goodness, this looks absolutely delicious! I thought you said you couldn’t cook?” She picked up her knife and fork and tucked into the fat steak carefully presented in the centre of the plate and surrounded by a mixture of tiny vegetables!

‘I followed the recipe in one of your cook books,’ he said, blushing furiously as he sat down and began to eat his own food. Laura paused and savoured the taste of her food before speaking.

‘Well, you can call them your cook books from now on! This is delicious Ian, well done! By the way, I couldn’t help but notice how creamy your bottom is when you passed me before. I do want to see it a nice cherry red after supper, so when we’ve finished and you’ve cleaned up, be a darling and bring your new wooden paddle to the lounge for me. I want to get used to the feel of it and practise makes perfect, or at least that’s what you always say about the football and darts nights. So much practise! We should apply that tenet to our spanking regime don’t you think?’

Ian’s fork had frozen half way to his mouth and he looked as if she had pressed pause on him. Laura giggled, ‘what’s wrong darling? You look frozen in time!’

Ian shook himself out of his stupor ‘I … well, I thought I had been good Laura, why do I need a spanking?’ His voice had taken on a whiney tone and she instantly compared it to the beautifully modulated tone of her stranger. Ian’s tone irritated her.

‘You need a spanking because I say you need a spanking Ian.’ she replied sharply. ‘Call it a maintenance spanking if you like, but you should expect at least one a day until we settle into a proper routine and have drawn up our rules and guidelines. We can do that at the weekend, but for now, I shall be spanking you whenever I feel you need one. Is that clear enough for you darling?’ She asked sarcastically.

Ian dropped his gaze to his plate and muttered, ‘Yes Laura, very clear thank you, I apologise for questioning your decision. I won’t do it again I promise.’ He picked up the plates and hurried off to the kitchen.

Laura collected her wine glass and the bottle and kicking off her shoes, she wandered into the lounge and flopped down on the sofa. She was exhausted! That spanking had really taken it out of her tonight. She wouldn’t be working Ian’s bottom very hard that was for sure!

She heard him thunder down the stairs, she would have to have a word with him about that, there really was no need for him to be so loud in everything he did! Her mood had turned snippy. Her earlier glow from her conversation had left her and her mood was back to barely better than when she had left work. Added to that was the miserable pain her bottom and thighs were in. She was so sore. Mr Crossley had been very harsh with his spanking and she was gaining zero pleasure from the after effects! Of course, she understood that her punishment was not supposed to be pleasurable in any way, but up until tonight she had always enjoyed the after effect! She missed the heavy throb in her pussy!

Ian came and presented her with the paddle positioning himself in front of her with his hands behind his back and feet together. Laura leaned back against the sofa and soaked up his submissive stance. It was such a pleasant change to have him behave like this rather than the stuffy, strutting bull he usually greeted her with. She was curious to see if he could make her feel horny, at all. If he could, then she would make full use of his tongue this evening and create her own pleasure. Maybe that would improve her mood…

‘Tell me how you got on today wearing the cage at work, don’t spare the details, I want to know everything. If I think you’re holding back on me, I will take it out on your bottom. Entertain me with your words darling!’ Laura prompted him.

‘I … erm… well… it was awkward, especially when I had to go pee.’ Ian stumbled over his words, his face once again turning pink at having to expose himself in this way. ‘There are always men at the urinals and I had to go in a stall to sit down and pee. Usually only do that if I’m gonna have a sh…’ He stopped speaking when she held up a hand to silence him.

‘Yes not quite that amount of detail Ian, thank you. I know how bodily functions work. I want to know how you felt, not what you did or didn’t do!’ She snapped at him. God his voice, had it always been this dull?

‘Oh, okay, yeah… I see… ‘ he said, she saw the light bulb in his head go on as what she wanted to hear about now became obvious to him, it irritated her. ‘well then, I suppose I felt self conscious the whole day in case anyone could see the shape of it under my trousers. They fit quite tightly. I may need to buy some looser fitting ones for work?’ He posed it as a question to her and paused.

‘No.’ Laura shook her head to deny him his new pants and then said, ‘Continue.’

He nodded, slightly subdued by her outright refusal but continued, ‘every time I moved…’

The door bell rang.

Laura looked at Ian, he looked at her. ‘Are you expecting someone?’ she asked, Ian shook his head.

‘Well go and look out the window and see who it is then!’ she chided and he hurried to the bay window to peep through the curtain.

‘Bloody hell love, it’s Ms Barton!’ He said on a whisper of shock.

Laura jumped up and ran to the window and peeked out. Oh my god! This was too perfect. Her mood lifted instantly!

She turned to Ian and grinned like a child at Christmas! ‘Go and answer the door then, don’t keep her waiting for goodness sake!’ she ordered as she ran to the dining room to find her shoes and slip them on.

Ian stared after her, then down at his lack of clothing, his cock in its cage bouncing gently as he breathed, his little heart shaped pink apron sitting just above it. ‘I can’t answer the door like this Laura! It’s your BOSS for gods sake! Please don’t make me!’ He wailed after her.

Laura came back and grinned at him as she swatted his backside, ‘Oh yes you can and you will Ian, go on, trust me she knows all about you anyway! You won’t be a surprise to her at all!’

She pushed him down the hall smacking his bottom when he stopped, until he opened the door and said, ‘Good evening Ms Barton, please… come in.’ His eyes downcast, his face crimson with utter humiliation. How could Laura do this to him? He wanted to curl up and die! His cock was bouncing furiously in its cage and he looked down at it in shame. He was fucking turned on at being seen like this by her boss of all people!

Eileen smirked at him as she took in his lack of attire and his little cock cage bouncing happily. She stepped over the threshold and Ian quickly shut the door behind her. Laura spoke then, ‘Ms Barton, what a pleasure, I thought you had an event to attend this evening?’

‘Oh call me Eileen, we’re not on the clock now Laura, and you are my evening event! I had to come and see for myself the things you had described about…’, she turned to cast a cursory glance over Ian and her eyes settled on his caged cock and pink apron, watching as once again his cock pressed hard against its captivity and he dribbled precum through the bars. ‘…your husband!’ She finished as she reached down and scooped the precum off his cage onto her finger and held it up for him to lick off. He grimaced but closed his lips around the tip of her finger and cleaned it.

Laura grinned delightedly. this was amazing, Eileen was playing out the story! The precum was a bonus, she was just supposed to tickle his cock through the cage and laugh, but the finger in his mouth was even better! She spared Ian a glance and she could tell instantly this was completely humiliating for him but he was obviously turned on by what was happening!

She smirked at him, ‘Ian, take my guest through to the lounge and get her a drink please.’

Ian nodded and Eileen stood back to let him go down the hall and into the lounge. She was openly grinning at the image of his white bottom with a red hand print on either cheek as he walked in front of her. ‘Hmm, it looks as though you’ve started without me Laura! I have some catching up to do! Come sit with me and discuss what we’re going to do.’

Laura sat down and winced as pain shot across her bottom. Eileen saw it and smiled sympathetically. ‘He spanks very hard doesn’t he?’ She whispered and Laura nodded vigorously in agreement.

‘Did you know about the spanking bench Eileen?’ She asked curious to know if she had been in on it, and Eileen gave her a wink and a nod. Ian returned then with a bottle of wine and three glasses. Laura glanced up at him. ‘We only needed one more glass, I have mine already! You’re not drinking alcohol remember darling? We discussed this last night.’

Ian’s dismay was a real entity in the room. He was desperate for a drink, but he had agreed with Laura that most of their problems arose because he was always drinking and it made him surly.

Eileen took her glass and the bottle and Ian quickly removed the other two glasses and disappeared into the kitchen. He put the glasses back in the cupboard and bending over the counter he dropped his head into his hands. ‘I can’t do this! It’s so fucking humiliating! The pair of them sat there laughing at me, it’s fucking cruel and unusual punishment and no fucking mistake. I’m not gonna do it…’ He stood up and turned around intending to go back in there and tell them both they could fuck right off, when he heard their laughter drift through to him. He crept up to the lounge door and peeped through the gap at them, listening intently to their conversation, his sudden burst of anger forgotten.

‘…He has a huge cock Laura, and oh my goodness does he know how to use it! I’m sorry about the spanking bench, it came about because of something I mentioned to him last night. But, you do like to feel humiliated when you’re being spanked and what better way to do that than have you bare all to your boss as he spanks you? It’s in all of your stories darling!’ Eileen leaned in and kissed Laura gently on the lips. ‘There, now do you forgive me?’

Laura giggled and touched her lips with her finger tips, ‘I suppose so, but oh goodness it hurt so much, I can barely sit down without crying out!’ Eileen leaned in and tucked a stray strand of Laura’s hair behind her ear, ‘well sweetheart, punishments are never pleasant but we can make up for that tonight… now where has that husband of yours got to?’

Ian’s cock bounced hard in his cage and banged against the door. Laura saw him before he had time to move out of sight.

‘Ian Aston get in here right this minute! How dare you spy on us like some dirty little peeping tom!’ Laura was instantly furious with him. He had seen Eileen kiss her! He had been listening to them talking, so he knew about the spanking bench now too!

She picked up the paddle and handed it to Eileen, ‘I think under the circumstances we should forget the story for now and just go with the flow for this part! My husband needs a good dose of discipline, and I know you have a strong arm with a cane, how good are you with a paddle?’ Laura said as she stood up and took hold of Ian by his caged cock and pulled him over to the sofa.

‘OW! OW! OWWWW! Laura, stop that! It’s not a pull toy!!’ He protested as she positioned him in front of Eileen who was now sat with the paddle laid across her stocking clad legs, her skirt resting at thigh level.

‘My my, feisty isn’t he?’ She said as she reached across and took his hand pulling him towards her.

He went willingly enough as she positioned him at her side. His cock bouncing and dribbling for all it was worth. He suddenly had a light bulb moment as he remembered his request for Laura’s boss to spank him! Fucking hell, it was really going to happen. Quite suddenly he loved his wife more than anything else in the world, even his cock!

Laura tutted at him and shook her head. ‘I apologise for my errant husband Eileen, he’s very new to this and hasn’t quite grasped his new role in our marriage yet. He will improve though, he’s a quick learner!’ Ian hung his head in shame. He was letting her down… again!

Eileen nodded, I can see that darling but don’t worry, I’m sure a good sound spanking will have him behaving much better in no time at all!’ She picked up the paddle and patted her hand lightly with it. ‘Shall we begin?’ She raised an eyebrow as she held Ian’s gaze and stared him down. ‘Time to assume the position,’ she said as she tugged him down by his arm and lowered him over her knees. His cock cage pressed hard against her thigh and she tutted, ‘lets have that out of the way shall we,’ she murmured as she reached under him and tugged his cock until it was trapped between her thighs.

‘A tissue please Laura, he’s dribbled on me dear!’ Eileen said as she slapped him hard once on his bottom.

Laura handed her a tissue and glared at her husband. Ian was officially mortified and hung his head down in complete shame and humiliation. And then the first spank with the paddle landed… how he howled! Eileen laughed openly at his distress. ‘Oh dear Ian! Your wife is made of much sterner stuff than you are, she took quite a few spanks before she began caterwauling! Do at least try to be a man about it! You did ask for this after all!’

Eileen quickly got down to the business at hand and unleashed the paddle across his bottom and thighs spanking them until his cheeks were a beautiful shade of red matched only by the colour of his thighs! He squirmed and wriggled, begged and pleaded but she was having none of it. She continued with spank after spank after spank, chatting intermittently with Laura about the problems Laura felt he needed to work on and improve in order for their marriage to survive. Soon his bottom had turned cherry red and was hot to the touch, but Eileen continued with the paddle. Spank, spank spank as hard as she could. Laura sat on the floor in front of Ian’s face, watching every expression as it appeared before her. She soaked up the level of submission he was now exhibiting and a sudden thought struck her.

‘Have you always been submissive Ian?’ she asked as yet another volley of spanks landed across his burning bottom.

‘YES!’ he shouted and then howled as his tears fell and his nose ran and he looked up at her a blubbering mess. ‘Yes…’ he tried again, ‘I always wanted to know … what it felt like… to be brought to task by you for the way I behaved.’ He admitted as Eileen spanked the backs of his thighs and made him squeal as the wood connected and stung and bit over and over again.

Laura mused over his answer, ‘So you pushed me into doing this then Ian, rather than being honest you thought you could manipulate me into taking this role on. I don’t like that. I feel like you have lied about every area of our marriage and you have never once been honest with me about who you are or what you need and by doing that you suppressed my natural instincts and turned me into a timid wife by constantly finding fault with me! There is a lot we need to work on if we are to survive as a couple Ian, I never realised just quite how much there is.’

Eileen could see Laura was upset and she unleashed a further volley of spanks across Ian’s bruised bottom until he was barely squeaking but still begging for her to stop. Eventually she did, but only after she had thoroughly remonstrated with him for the way he had treated his lovely wife and her friend.

She tapped him on the shoulder then, ‘Stand up and stop snivelling, your spanking is over. Go and stand in the corner of the room with your nose pressed to the wall. Do not move until I tell you to. Do not touch your bottom, thighs or cock cage! If you do, I shall go and retrieve my cane from the car and you will receive a minimum of 6 strokes with a maximum of 12 on this occasion.’

Ian slid off Eileen’s lap and removed himself hurriedly from her reach. He positioned himself in the corner exactly as she had instructed and began to sob quietly. Behind him Eileen looked at Laura and pointed to the floor between her feet. There was a wet patch. Ian had wet himself during the spanking and Laura was officially disgusted with her husband. She marched over to him and smacked his bottom hard ‘how dare you pee on my carpet Ian! How dare you pee on Ms Barton’s shoes! When you are free to move around you will get down on your hands and knees and clean that carpet until all of your pee is just a distant bad memory! I am truly mortified by your behaviour!’

Laura turned away from him and Eileen gathered her into her arms. ‘Shush Laura, he’s had his punishment, why don’t we go somewhere away from him where we can relax darling. I need to remove my stockings and clean my feet and my shoes anyway!’ she gave Laura a hug and kissed her lightly on the lips. Slowly, slowly she thought. Laura sniffled and hugged her back. ‘I’m so sorry for the mess he’s made Eileen, I’m so embarrassed I can barely stand it! He is such an oaf! Let me just get some paper towel to start soaking it up!’

Eileen smiled at her, ‘Don’t fret over it, it isn’t the first time my feet have been pee’d on during a spanking and I suspect it won’t be the last time it happens either, but at least you know he’s been thoroughly spanked and chastised now. He understands his position and I think life may become much easier for you from now on. Come on, show me to the bathroom and then we can relax properly.’

‘I need to…’ Laura stammered, desperate to go off with Eileen, but desperate to see to the carpet.

Eileen nodded, ‘IAN! Go to the kitchen and find something with which to soak up this mess you’ve made. Then you shall return to your corner and start your corner time over. This time with your hands on the top of your head for the duration and your legs spread wide.’ Eileen’s voice sounded like a whiplash in the room and Ian quickly scurried off to the kitchen.

Laura spared Ian one last glance as he shuffled out of the room, taking in his bright red bottom and thighs and his quiet sobbing. She realised that he looked just like the spanked husband from one of her videos. The vision did not move her at all.

She led Eileen up the stairs to the bathroom and waited as she cleaned herself up. She was so furious with Ian, she couldn’t even articulate her thoughts! He had pee’d on her boss’s feet and all over the carpet for goodness sake! He was completely useless!

Eileen appeared in the bathroom doorway, and seeing Laura standing there biting her lip, full of pent up frustration and tension, she reached out and pulled her gently to her. Leaning in she kissed her lips softly, smoothing her hands down her lithe body, drawing a little moan from Laura who caught her hand and led her into the bedroom drawing her down onto the bed where they sat facing each other, stroking and kissing, removing clothing slowly, exploring each other’s bodies as each bared piece of skin was exposed.

As Laura slid down her body to her soaked pussy Eileen stopped her. ‘Darling girl, I do believe your husband should be present for this, it is what you wanted in your story and I do so like an audience, go and tell him to present himself to us sweetheart, it’s the right way to do this.’

Laura was in a sex fuelled haze but Eileen’s words began to sink in. Fuck! She was a married woman, what the hell was she thinking! Eileen was right, he had to be here or else he could accuse her of having a lesbian affair behind his back, literally.

She sat up and slid from the bed and walked to the bedroom door. ‘IAN!’ she shouted, ‘Eileen and I require your presence in the bedroom. NOW!’

She turned and crawled back up the bed to lay next to her beautiful boss and slipped a nipple between her lips and suckled while they waited. Eileen moaned, delighted at the feel of Laura’s soft mouth as she lapped and sucked at her rigid nipple.

Ian appeared in the doorway almost immediately. He took in the sight of the two beautiful women on his bed and his cock bulged in it’s cage instantly. Fucking hell, they were gonna get it on for him! Fucking HELL!! He was in seventh heaven as he walked towards the bed.

Eileen laughed at his audacity. ‘Oh no no no Ian, you can stand in the corner and watch, hands on head please or you will receive the cane. This little show is for Laura and I alone. You have all the pain and your beautiful wife and I have all the pleasure!’

Laura grinned as Ian’s face told it’s own story of huge disappointment and frustration, but he did as he was told and took himself off to the corner of the room and faced them. His squashed cock looked comical bulging between all the gaps in his cage but he didn’t seem to notice.

He couldn’t take his eyes off the two women. One dark and sultry oozing sensuality with full curves and dips in all the right places the other her counterfoil, tall willowy blonde with pert breasts and a cherub’s bottom, he couldn’t believe this was happening right in front of him, it was a fantasy come true!

Eileen pressed her hand against Laura’s shoulder gently and guided her down between her thighs. ‘Now you can taste me, now you can lick and suck and fuck me as long as you want to, we have an audience of one to perform for, make me cum hard Laura.’ And Laura did just that, over and over again. She had found her own version of heaven in the shape of her boss’s gorgeous pussy and she couldn’t get enough of it…

Ian whimpered in the corner as the cage tightened unbearably around his cock and his balls ached like never before. His wife was burying her face in her boss’s pussy and he wasn’t allowed to do a damn thing except watch. His fantasy had turned into purgatory and he felt like crying. His cock dribbled precum and he caught it in his hands completely aware he would be punished with the cane for moving his hands but he didn’t dare make another mess on a carpet! Oh god! How had his life come to this? But he knew… he had wanted this, he had fantasized about it for years, he had wanted Laura to look at him the way she did now, he had wanted her to scold him, spank him, make him suffer for all of his bad behaviour! He just hadn’t understood what it would cost him in return. His cock was no longer necessary to her and he was bereft. But somewhere deep inside him, he knew this was how it was supposed to be and he knew he would accept it.

Spanking confessions

#NSFW 18+ ONLY

If you read further, you are acknowledging that the content in this blog is adult in nature and is expressly discussing spanking and sexual exploration. Enter at your own risk. If you are shocked by the act of spanking and sexual exploration do not read any further. Run away, scram, remain in the dark and just wonder about the pleasures you could be missing out on… or just leave. I won’t hold it against you. Each to their own.

If you do want to jump in and read, be nice peeps, leave a like or a comment or both, or you could even rate what you read! I won’t mind and at least I will know you have taken a peek at my bottom adventures!

Most if not all of the photographs/images are courtesy of the internet and remain the property of their original owners, unless otherwise stated. if I have used an image that is yours and you recognise it and wish for it to be removed, please contact me and I will be happy to remove it for you. No offence is intended.

When you are out of the usual options, you must do it for yourself!

I needed a good hard spanking so I gave myself one… then another… then another

Then everybody else joined in…

Then life got really interesting…

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This blog is about my journey of self discovery, post divorce, and my hedonistic tumble into self-discipline and self spanking and being spanked and disciplined! I also take a little sideways trip on occasion and become the Spanker of some very deserving bottoms. I hope you enjoy the journey with me. These stories are excerpts from my diaries and memories. All of them are name changed to protect everyone involved.

For myself, this is a journey about discovery of self beginning after a bitter divorce from a very bad marriage, exploring a long standing kink that had lain dormant for far too long and the experiences it brought about purely by accident rather than design. It is my personal journey, I have changed the names of others to protect their identity but the events are mainly as they happened. Please read with an open mind and heart, we are all original works of art just waiting for someone to appreciate the picture we portray. My picture is finally beginning to see the light of day. All events written here had my full co-operation and consent and were carried out in a safe, sane and consensual way. Detailed discussions between both parties took place well in advance of any spanking. Nothing was agreed until both parties were happy that what would happen was entirely within the boundaries we had set. My thoughts and feelings were written shortly after each event and in some cases I was highly charged and usually in a lot of throbbing pain but I had loved every single minute of it once the throbbing calmed down some. I decided it was way past time to put all of those experiences, thoughts and feelings in one place to share with you.

I hope you are enjoying my journey so far. I know I am…

All images courtesy of the internet and remain the property of the people who posted them on the net, I lay no claim to any of them except where otherwise stated.

All written content remains the property of Gemma Strong.

© 2020 Gemma Strong All rights reserved.

Part 11. Eileen & Laura’s Story: (1 of 2) A Surprise Story & The Spanking Bench…

Eileen sat at her desk the morning after the night before with Charles, her body ached deliciously from her head where he had tugged her hair to the soles of her feet where he had spanked her with the riding crop because she had orgasmed without his permission. A slow smile spread across her lips as she remembered how good that stolen orgasm had been, the dull pain in her feet now was worth it. She would do the same thing over again given the opportunity.

She marvelled at the man’s ability to recover so quickly. Charles had explained much, much later, that he had not had a woman who was so damned sexual, sensual and downright naughty in a very long time. He had squashed his darker feelings down to the bottom of his psyche and lived a stifling vanilla life for many years. Eileen had unleashed his primal urge to dominate and she had driven him wild with desire, bringing with it a hunger to spank her, crop her, cane her and sexually dominate her like a man possessed! She revelled in this sudden darker personality of his and did everything she could to inspire him to dig deeper and go further.

By the end of the evening, she had unleashed a beast in him and she was ecstatic about it. Before she had departed for home he had extracted a firm agreement from her that they would continue their tryst as often as possible and they should come up with an arrangement that would be better suited to them than his office, to that end he had suggested his private suite in the Four Seasons Hotel just a mile from their offices. Eileen had readily agreed, although she had cried off for tonight, citing a long standing event that she could not miss. He had been a little disappointed but after she had raised her skirt one last time and positioned herself over his knees for a final spanking, he agreed that one night was not too long to wait. That spanking had lasted 15 minutes and her bottom was still tender from the absolute pounding he had given it. No creamy skin was left untouched. Her thighs and sit spot were so tender that she found herself constantly shifting position this morning. She had a meeting with Charles in an hour and her pussy contracted sharply at the thought of seeing him again. Of course he would be completely professional as would she, but underneath all that there would be that intimate knowledge of each other and the things they had done together last night sitting silently in the room with them.

Eileen shifted in her seat, the plentiful reminders setting up a low throb across her bottom as she changed position. She sucked in a breath and bit her lower lip, her pussy was aching from the continual pounding he had given her for three hours! My god he had some stamina, it had been she who had called time in the end. She had been exhausted! She felt a little bit uncomfortable about lying to him about a previous engagement tonight but it had been a long time since she’d taken a lover and Charles was ferocious in his appetite. She would take this evening to recover. Eileen fought to control the sudden urge to touch herself and remonstrated with herself about being professional. She dragged her mind back to her pressing work load. She switched on her PC and waited as the screen loaded up.

Blinking in the bottom right corner was a notification that a document had been added to her LASS folder on her desktop. She smiled widely.

Laura Aston’s newest Spanking Story was ready and waiting for her, and Eileen quickly read the latest edition to the file. To say she was surprised would have been putting it mildly, but the contents of that story had caught her imagination and sent it flying in so many directions, she was excited to play it out as soon as possible. She would not be having a night off after all!

Ms Aston appeared in her doorway, ‘Good morning Ms Barton.’ she said as she entered and sat down with her note book and pencil.

Eileen dragged her focus back to the tasks of the day, ‘Good morning Ms Aston, I have a number of meetings scheduled today, take down the full itinerary and ring everyone to confirm I don’t have any double bookings or confusion over starting and finishing times. I need to keep a tight schedule… I am going out this evening so I shall be leaving the office a little earlier at around 4.45pm so please let my final appointment know I need to be finished no later than 4.30pm please. We also need to ensure that you finish promptly at 5pm in order to carry out your discipline session. Mr Crossley will oversee your disciplining from now on and you shouldn’t keep him waiting. I will no longer be in attendance.’

Laura’s eyes shot up and she stared at Eileen stunned.

‘Just Mr Crossley and myself Ms Barton?’ She said on barely a whisper.

Yes Ms Aston, is there a problem? Eileen raised an eyebrow at the question.

‘Oh… No… Ms Barton, it’s just… he spanks very hard… and he changes the story…’ Laura stammered incoherently.

Eileen laughed at Laura’s discomfort, ‘Oh dear, Ms Aston, you had better get used to it, he is adamant that I don’t spank you firmly enough nor for long enough, which is why he is taking over your discipline. He also believes that the introduction of the cane and the crop will be a valuable addition to your retraining rather than the girl on girl sexy endings you seem to enjoy writing so much.’

‘Yes Ms Barton, of course.’ Laura mumbled feeling her blush rise up from her breast to the top of her forehead! Inside she was crawling with embarrassment and berating herself heavily for having sent the latest episode to Ms Barton’s computer. The girl on girl action in that episode would definitely raise eyebrows, not to mention everything else that had been put in there! Oh god! What if she’s read it already? Maybe that’s what she’s referring to. Had she gone too far?

Eileen pushed away from her desk then, she desperately needed to get off her sore bottom! ‘That will be all for now Ms Aston, please make sure I have my itinerary and all of the relevant files associated with it before my first meeting with Mr Crossley at 9.30am.’

Laura nodded and made a hasty retreat to the relative safety of the outer office. Her flaming cheeks were burning so much she could feel the heat coming off them. Damn, damn, damn, what if she had misread Eileen’s interest in her sexually? That last story could blow this whole thing out of the water with nowhere left for her to go if it did! Except of course, the job centre!

‘Pull yourself together Laura,’ she berated herself sternly, ‘she hasn’t said she didn’t like it, just Mr Crossley wants a different non-sexy ending to the stories for your discipline!’ Laura took a deep breath and calmed herself down. She got busy with her list and set about confirming meeting times and arranging the itinerary so that everything got covered. She sent it to Eileen at 9.20am and sat back for a moment to gather her wits.

She remembered then that Eileen had said she was going out this evening and Laura realised she felt a little disappointed. She had hoped that when she had read the new spanking story she would want to come over and play it out. Ah well, perhaps she would like it enough to come later in the week.

Slightly dejected and heavily overworked, Laura kept her head down and out of trouble for the entire day. At 4.35pm Eileen appeared back in the office from her final meeting.

‘That’s me done for the day, I’m heading home for a hot relaxing bath and some quality alone time before I head out again for what promises to be an interesting evening! Do make sure you are in Mr Crossley’s office by 5.05pm or your bottom will receive extra spanks for tardiness. You may remain in your suit this evening, Mr Crossley will instruct you himself on your mode of dress. Do not let me down Laura!’ Eileen stood very close to her as she delivered her instructions and Laura blushed as she turned to acknowledge her.

Eileen smiled at her assistant and turning on her heel, she sashayed across the room to her own office. Laura began her last task of the day, her tummy doing somersaults at what was to come, she was suddenly not so sure any of this had been a good idea after all! A few minutes later Eileen called goodnight as she left and Laura was alone.

She checked her watch, 4.45pm. Taking a deep steadying breath she cleared her desk and tidied her office space before powering everything down and switching off the lights. Her tummy was churning now and she felt slightly sick as she headed for the lifts and Mr Crossley’s office at exactly 5pm.

Just a few minutes later she was knocking on the door to his inner sanctum at exactly 5.05pm. Well at least he couldn’t spank her for tardiness, she thought as his booming voice called her in.

She pushed the heavy door and stepped into the room. The door closed quietly behind her with a click and Laura began to tremble as her eyes settled on the new piece of furniture taking centre stage in the middle of the room. A spanking bench, complete with ankle and wrist restraints! Oh GOD! This was not what Laura had expected at all. Her horror must have shown on her face because Mr Crossley snorted once before speaking softly to her.

‘We did agree did we not Ms Aston, that you would accept all forms of punishment decided by me as and when I thought it was necessary to introduce a new method?’

Laura’s eyes flew to his, her face pale, her lips trembling slightly. She couldn’t speak. She could only nod her agreement mutely.

‘Speak girl, I will not allow non verbal communication when it is important for us to be sure that there is acceptance and consent for what is to take place!’ Mr Crossley had walked around to the front of his desk now and he glared at her waiting for her to comply.

‘Y..yes.. Mr Crossley, I have agreed to all forms and methods of punishment for my discipline sessions with you and Ms Barton.’ Laura stammered out hurriedly.

Mr Crossley smiled as he heard Eileen’s name, ‘ah yes, Ms Barton. She will no longer be present for these sessions Ms Aston, I have assumed the role of your disciplinarian in full. Ms Barton was too lenient with you, it is counterproductive to the goal if you believe that your spankings are to be playful in nature! I prefer a much sterner approach as you will soon learn. You may write your stories to incorporate our new arrangement and leave out all the naughty business at the end. I am not interested in the sexual aspect with you, you are an employee after all Ms Aston and a very naughty one at that! Now, be so kind as to remove everything except your underwear and then come over here and we shall get started.’

Laura felt like crying, this was going to be dreadful! She had seen videos of women strapped to spanking benches but they had all ended in the women being given a good hard fucking as well as hard spanking. That sort of levelled the playing field a little in her mind, some pleasure at the end for all the pain endured. This was blatantly not what Mr Crossley had in mind. Her thoughts turned to mush and her tummy churned with anxiety as she removed her suit and blouse and folded them neatly before placing them on a chair beside her handbag. Finally she was ready, dressed only in her white lace lingerie she stepped up to the spanking bench and waited.

Mr Crossley made short work of positioning her on the bench, her legs spread to accommodate the distance between the kneeling pads and fastened securely, her torso resting on the centre pad her arms dropping down and attached to the arm rests also securely fastened. She was going nowhere! She felt so completely exposed she was crimson with embarrassment.

Mr Crossley stood back and gave his handiwork a final once over, testing the straps to see if they were tight enough but not too tight. ‘I hope that it won’t be necessary to keep strapping you down for your spankings Ms Aston, but for the time being we shall make full use of their availability. You did jump around a lot yesterday evening during the cropping and caning. I found It slowed down the proceedings far too much for my liking and is quite tedious to endure. This will be a good way to train you to remain still while taking your punishment.’

Laura mumbled a pitiful ‘Yes Mr Crossley’ and placed her head on the head rest and closed her eyes tight.

‘For the purposes of your discipline sessions, you shall refer to me as Sir at all times Ms Aston.’ He dictated as he walked slowly around the bench and viewed it from all directions. ‘Y… yes Sir’ She responded quickly. Satisfied, he removed his jacket and placed it over the back of his chair, he came back to stand in front of her once more as he rolled up his white shirt sleeves and prepared himself for what was to come.

‘We shall start with a sound spanking Ms Aston, we shall not be following a pre-scripted idea of yours this evening, but rather a well thought out plan of my own instead.’ He said as he walked around to the back of the bench and the very attractive sight of Laura’s bottom on full display. Her panties were allowing her the modicum of dignity right now and he stepped forward and slid his fingers into their waistband and pulled them slowly over her raised bottom and down as far as they would go along her thighs. ‘There, that’s much better, now I can see everything!’ He murmured and Laura sobbed a little at the further exposure and the complete loss of her dignity. Her panties were stretched so tight the material was cutting into the soft flesh of her thighs and she mewled slightly at the discomfort they were causing.

He barked a short laugh at her discomfort, ‘Oh dear! You will cease to notice that particular discomfort once we begin.’ and with that he moved to the side of her, placed a hand in the small of her back and raised his other hand over her bottom. ‘Shall we begin Ms Aston?’ he asked politely, ‘Yes Sir’ she responded in barely more than a whisper but it was enough for him to hear her. The first spank landed and she cried out in shock at the weight of his hand against her soft globe. She wriggled a little as the instant sting turned into heat and then the second spank landed on her other cheek and it wobbled under the pressure, he grinned widely and she yelped and wriggled again. He wasted no time in stroking or smoothing her skin, he got straight on with the business of spanking her, one heavy spank after another rained down on her bottom and across the backs of her thighs, she was howling and crying freely now as he continued to spank and spank and spank her poor bottom until she thought he might never stop.

It was awful, she couldn’t move out of the way, she couldn’t reach behind her to prevent another spank landing, she couldn’t run off, wriggle or avoid it. She hated this damned bench! It was horrible! She tried pleading with him, ‘Please Sir, I am so sorry for all of my misconduct, I promise I have learnt my lesson. I will never do it again, any of it. Please Sir, please stop. It hurts so much!’

Mr Crossley tutted and her heart fell at the sound. ‘No more whining Ms Aston, we are barely begun here for goodness sake! As he spoke he crossed behind her to the other side and then immediately resumed his spanking of her bottom with his other hand. How she HOWLED at this new onslaught! Oh my goodness, it was never going to end! Great tears spilled from her on ragged sobs as he continued to spank unabated for a further 10 minutes making it 20 minutes in all.

Finally he stepped away from her and sat down at his desk in front of her. ‘Look at me please Ms Aston.’ He ordered her. Laura lifted her tear stained face off the head rest and looked at him. ‘Tell me Ms Aston, do you feel you have been properly spanked now?’ He asked. Laura couldn’t read his expression at all, his face was still and devoid of any tell tale signs that this might be over.

‘Yes Sir, I do.’ She responded in a very subdued tone.

‘Would you consider the punishment sufficient for your misdemeanors Ms Aston?’ He asked quietly.

Laura sensed a trap, her face showed her wariness, ‘Come now, Ms Aston, do you consider the punishment sufficient or not?’ he scolded her into hurrying her answer.

‘Yyes…No…yess I don’t know Sir!’ she cried.

Mr Crossley sat and mused for a few moments, ‘I’ll tell you what I think young lady, I think you need to be more decisive, so on this occasion I shall make the decision for you. You shall receive a five minute session with the crop and 10 strokes of the cane and then we shall say you have received sufficient punishment for this evening. Do you agree Ms Aston?’ he was smiling at her now.

Laura had nowhere to go with this, if she disagreed he could add more of each on to her punishment and if she agreed well it was going to just hurt like blazes and that just wasn’t fair! Her lips turned into a sullen pout but she nodded her head and agreed. ‘Yes Sir, I agree.’

‘Hmm, I don’t think I like your sullen attitude young lady, but as time is ticking on, I shall add that particular issue to tomorrow’s scheduled discipline session. Make a note to remind me my dear.’ With that he was up on his feet and striding across to the corner of the room where he now kept the cane and the crop. Within seconds she felt the first heavy thwack of the crop as it caught her inner thigh and the edge of her pussy lips. She squealed and wriggled about as much as she could but it was all for nothing, she couldn’t move more than an inch and the only thing moving was her bottom, which he seemed to enjoy immensely! ‘Do keep that up, there’s a good girl, I do like to see if I can hit a moving target. Now on my command wriggle that delightful bottom as much as you want!’ He laughed.

Laura glared over her shoulder at him as he laughed loudly and shouted ‘MOVE!’ Laura wriggled and jumped as much as she could as he swatted her everywhere around her bottom, thighs, pussy, inner thighs, her sit spot was so very sore now she squealed and squealed as he caught her over and over again in the same spots. Eventually her 5 minutes were up and her bottom felt like it was on fire! The heat from the heavy handed spanking had bloomed and was throbbing deeply, her pussy felt swollen and sore but conversely she knew her juices were dripping she was so turned on by this and her poor, poor thighs, they felt like they had twin bands of steel around them!

Without warning she heard the swish of the cane behind her and she screamed loudly. Mr Crossley laughed at her, ‘I haven’t touched you with it yet young lady, do please keep your hysterics for the actual caning!’

Laura was mortified, her face as crimson as every other part of her and she slumped down on the head rest and sobbed quietly. It was then that the searing pain shot through both of her buttocks at the same time as the first of 10 strokes landed and she swore profusely.

Mr Crossley tutted, ‘Add an extra stroke for the foul mouth Ms Aston, so begin counting to 10 now!’ He landed the second stroke across her sit spot and she squealed and shouted 1. After each stroke she screamed the number and jiggled her behind about as much as possible. Her tears soaked her as they flowed down her chin, down her neck and onto her breasts. Finally the last stroke landed and Laura shouted ’10 SIR!!’ at the top of her voice.

She felt the cane rest across her waist and then he was stood in front of her.

‘ Look at me please Ms Aston,’ he said and Laura once again lifted her tear stained face to look at her boss.

He smiled benignly at her, ‘I believe we shall forgo corner time in favour of leaving you on the Spanking bench while you think about the reasons you are in this predicament. I shall return to release you in 10 minutes and then you may get dressed and go home.’ With that he turned on his heel and left the office and an open mouthed Laura behind.

Laura dropped her head back down and began crying quietly, she hated this aspect of being spanked so much! She wished she had come to the dominant wife conclusion before she had signed that stupid agreement with Mr Crossley and Ms Barton yesterday! But then her reality sank in, she wouldn’t be in this situation at all if she had just kept her spanking video obsession firmly at home instead of in work. She only had herself to blame. She had as much to learn and grow from as Ian did, and Laura hung her head in shame.

10 Minutes later Mr Crossley was as good as his word and reappeared to release her from her confines. He did not assist her down from the spanking bench, instead choosing to stand behind and watch her try to pull her panties up before she dismounted from the horrid thing. Her humiliation was complete. She clumsily stood and tottered unsteadily to her clothes and quickly pulled them on, not turning around until she was fully clothed and had regained some small amount of composure. She opened the office door, briefly glancing over her shoulder at him, she mumbled, ‘Good night Sir and thank you for my lesson.’ She walked out of the office and allowed the door to close quietly behind her.

As the door clicked shut Laura fled the office and took the stairway down to the ground floor as fast as she could. Everywhere hurt terribly and she gasped and groaned and bit her lip as she descended each flight of stairs. Finally she was out of the building and rushing to the station for the next train and home! All she wanted was to curl up and cry herself to sleep but she still had bloody Ian to sort out when she got home! Gosh what a terribly disappointing day this had turned out to be…

to be continued…