So, I've been spanked, hard! I have spanked myself hard, I have spanked others even harder! I'm now heading for a different road, one that still includes all the best bits of me, all the naughty bits, all the hot steamy bits, and plenty of spanking still to be had! But this time I'm creating characters to play out my delightful erotic fantasies, I hope you enjoy the new ride as much as the previous one…
I watched Tom warily as he turned his chosen paddle over in his hands. His face had taken on that dark mask again and this time I knew what it was about. A frisson of excitement ran through me. He was unpredictable in this mood and that brought an edge to this spanking we hadn’t had before. I craved that. I wanted to feel his darkness wrap itself around me and sink into my mind and body.
‘Come here Gemma.’ So controlled and quietly spoken. I shivered and did as he asked. I slid off the desk and walked over to the pommel horse in the centre of the room. Surely it was too tall for me?
He laid the paddle down on the bench then turned his full attention to me. ‘I’ve changed my mind, I am going to cane you and I am going to hurt you Gemma, I mean, really hurt you. I need to know you won’t just keep taking it, I need to know you aren’t too damn stubborn to use your safe word if I go too far or it’s too much.’
I stared at him with owl eyes again. My insides were crawling with excitement and dread in equal measure. ‘I’ll tell you, I promise.’ My voice came out barely above a whisper.
He grabbed me by the back of the neck and pulled me against him. He took my mouth with his and plundered it, sucking me into him, climbing inside my mind, I could feel him taking all of me and I opened up to him and allowed him in. He growled against my mouth.
‘Fuck Gemma, be damned sure you want this baby, I won’t hold back, I can’t hold back any more.’ He was at war with his own desire.
‘I want this Tom, I need it. Don’t hold back baby, I can take it, I promise I will use my safe word if I can’t.’ I stroked his face and held my breath.
He nodded once, ‘Get undressed.’ He said and stood back to watch as I slid the dress off my shoulders and down my body. I stepped out of it and laid it on the bench. I unhooked my bra and slid it down my arms, removing it, placing it on top of the dress. His eyes raked my body as each part was revealed to him. I hooked my fingers into the waistband of my panties and slid them down my legs allowing them to drop to the floor. I stepped out of them and bent to pick them up. He reached out and curved my bottom into his hand and smoothed the skin with his thumb. I paused, waiting to see if he spoke.
He removed his hand and I stood and placed my panties with the rest of the clothes.
‘Leave the shoes on and turn around to face the horse.’ He instructed quietly.
I did as I was told and he lifted me and placed my torso over the centre of the horse, My feet barely touched the floor and I stood on tiptoe. I felt him slide a heavy bracelet around first one ankle then the other. He came around to the front and attached cuffs to my wrists. He gripped my hair and lifted my head up to look at him.
‘I want to hear the pain Gemma.’ With that, he turned away from me.
Fuck he was in a dark place. His eyes were cold, black and empty of any of my Tom. I felt my first jolt of fear since we had started this. A second wave of fear hit when I saw him walk to the cane wall at the end of the room. He took a long time to select the one he wanted. He weighted it in his hand, he whipped it through the air to test it’s resistance and then he turned around. He was really going through with this. I started to tremble.
I couldn’t watch, I dropped my head down, closed my eyes and waited, my breathing was coming in shallow gasps, I had never been so fearful of a first stroke from a cane.
I had no idea if he wanted me to count, I had no idea how many strokes he would deliver. All I knew was he wanted to hear my pain.
When the first stroke landed it came so hard and fast across the centre of my cheeks I screamed with shock and then screamed again as the pain shot across my bottom exploding in a rush of searing heat.
‘Not loud enough Gemma. You can do better than that.’ He said as the second stroke landed immediately underneath the first. I howled and bucked, I was so restricted in this position I had nowhere to go.
The third stroke landed across the sit spot and I squealed so loud I hurt my own ears.
He grunted behind me, ‘That’s better.’ he muttered and delivered the fourth, fifth and sixth in an equally measured pace. Each one landing precisely above the last, each one carving it’s image into my soft flesh, biting me, whipping my mind as my body absorbed the pain and shock. I was openly crying, great big tears ran down my face. I was in a world of agony, the pain was so intense I thought he must have cut me.
Then the seventh stroke landed across the top of my thighs and the world went black for a moment as a never before known level of pain exploded across my thighs. I let out an ear piercing scream that went on for the longest moment. My mind went blank and I heard my own voice pleading and sobbing. ‘Please Tom, slow down, please… wait… let me…’
‘Save it Gemma, I only want to hear the pain or your safe word.’
The eighth stroke landed midway between my thighs and the middle of my bottom shortly followed by the ninth and tenth strokes one above one below. A band of red hot, searing pain shot across my cheeks and I screamed at the top of my voice. A constant unending scream that bounced off the walls and ricocheted through my mind.
The eleventh when it finally landed was softer and less cutting, but still elicited a squeal of pain from me and more tears. Floods of them.
The twelfth stroke creased my sit spot directly under the first stroke there. I physically lifted in shock at the pain. I tried to escape my binds, I was crying hysterically and howling.
And then without warning, I was being released from the cuffs and lifted down of that horrible horse.
Tom wrapped me in his arms and carried me over to a leather sofa.
He held me for the longest time, soothing me, stroking my hair, my back, my face. Everywhere he could touch, he stroked and poured soothing nonsense words over my shocked and traumatised mind. I sobbed my heart out, he handed me tissues, he wiped my face, he kissed me gently, I searched his eyes and he was my Tom once more and I relaxed inside. The fear and pain receded rapidly to be replaced by a bone deep throbbing. It settled in to my bottom and thighs like an old friend and I wriggled slightly on his lap. He reached behind him and opened a jar of cold cream.
‘Lie over my knee baby, let me apply the cream for you.’ His voice was so tender I could feel the tears welling up again.
I crawled over his lap and relaxed as his fingers worked the wonderful cold cream into my burning skin. I could smell the aloe as he worked it slowly and deeply covering every millimeter of branded skin.
Finally the throbbing settled into a more recognisable dull ache and I began to feel the beneficial side effects as they built alongside the heat and the insistent throb. I sat up in his lap and pulled his head down for a kiss.
It would be a good hour before we made our way back to the party but we both knew we had changed the shape of everything once again.
So, this party was very stiff and proper by comparison to last night. Graham hadn’t mentioned his cane once and the spanking room was locked for the night. Don’t panic Naughty Nora! Tom is a key holder!(She wants to ‘see’ inside the spanking room!)
I only found this out when I gave Tom an unholy grin at the news the room was locked up! Tom held his keys up and gave me an even bigger unholy grin. Nuff said. Just once, it would be nice to get one step ahead of him. Tonight was not going to be that night.
Tom had given me a reprieve for two hours from the infernal vibrator thingy due to Sam being at the party with his new girlfriend and their two friends. Unfortunately for me, Sam was leaving now to spend the weekend with said girlfriend and friends! As soon as they left Tom activated the vibrator without warning.
I nearly jumped out of my skin! Two hours reprieve was not working in my favour. I had calmed everything down and now? Oh boy, pussy was doing a bloody song and dance routine! Trumpets, drums the whole nine yards! I groaned under my breath and tried to control my visible reactions.
I was standing talking to Gray about Sam when Tom appeared behind me, the vibrator changed it’s tempo to a long pulse and three shorter faster ones. He slipped his hand around my waist and pulled me back against him. The suction cup against my clit was suddenly ramped up to full and I could see starbursts setting off behind my eyelids! Then the vibrator began slow thrusting against my g spot! Gray watched in great amusement as my eyes went wide and my body twitched and jumped and he burst out laughing.
Well I’ll be damned, you two are like a couple of wild cats on heat! I’m gonna leave you to it! He hugged me, grinned at Tom and wandered off in search of Todd.
Tom took my hand and led me over to a big recliner in the corner of the room away from the main body of people chatting in there. He pulled me down on his lap, wrapped his big arms around me and began whispering in my ear in his low rumbling voice.
‘Do you have any idea how much I want to fuck you right now? I want to take you outside to a spot just behind the staging, bend you over and fuck you until you scream with painful pleasure and you’re reduced to tears. You would have an audience to feed your naughty exhibitionist and I would happily strip you naked and show you off at your wildest to all of them. All you have to do is nod and I will fill you with every inch of me until there’s no space left between us baby, I want to slide my cock so far inside you it fills you right to the top.’
My mind exploded with hungry images. I groaned deeply and wriggled on his lap. ‘Not fair Tom, stop it,’ I gasped. ‘This thing is driving me insane as it is!’ I could barely speak I was so hot and horny for him. Hunger for him was raging through me and I didn’t know how to stop it.
He chuckled and his eyes were full of dark lust. He meant business tonight. He was going all out to make me fail the task he’d set. ‘No restrictions on me baby, I want to see how hard it is for you to control your urges under pressure, I’m gonna make damn sure you can’t.’
His hand was stroking my bottom and thigh and sending messages to pussy to ramp up her sirens song. I curled into his chest and focused on my breathing. This was going to end badly for me, I was so close to the edge it wasn’t even funny!
An elderly couple entered the room and sat on the sofa adjacent to our chair, they were in hearing distance if they chose to overhear our conversation. Tom started again with the whispering, ‘performing for an audience of one this afternoon was hot baby, want to try it out in a room full of unsuspecting people? I can slip out that vibrator and replace it with my fingers for you. First one, then two, you know you like all four…’
FUCK ME! My mind was melting! Flashbacks to hot tubs, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, offices, lounge… every damned room in my house plus a few places outside too! Images tumbled through my mind of him taking me over the edge and watching me fall into one orgasm after another, then catching me at the bottom to take me straight back up and start all over again.
I let out a long strangled moan and buried my face into his neck pleading with him to stop. My insides were physically hurting and pussy was throbbing heavily and wetter than I can ever remember her being as I held back the waves of sheer ecstasy trying to break free.
He chuckled against my skin, ‘that was loud enough for everyone in the room to hear baby, you on the edge?’
I lifted hungry eyes to his, ‘what do you think? this is slow torture Tom. I am desperate to come and I can’t!’ I kept my voice low and husky, two could play at his game. My hand had slipped down between our bodies and I stroked my fingers along the solid ridge of his erection. He growled low but didn’t stop me. I ran featherlight strokes back and forth along the full length of his trapped member and he shifted in the seat to relieve the pressure of his pants against his skin.
He caught my mouth with his own and turned my body into him trapping my hand between us. We heard rather than saw people coughing with embarrassment as they left the room. Only the elderly couple remained when we came up for air.
The man leaned across to Tom and tapped him on the knee. ‘That’s a hell of a show you two are putting on for us young Tom. We can feel the heat all the way over here!’ His grin was huge and I realised I knew who he was, he was Gray’s Dad! OMG! we were giving Gray’s Parents a free sex show! Jesus!
Tom laughed out loud and said ‘Can you blame me Morris?’
Morris’s laughter bellowed out and rang in my ears, his wife physically jumped at his side and punched him in the ribs! ‘You stop that racket right now Morris and leave Tom and his girl alone! I think we need to leave them be!’
She leaned across and patted me on the thigh, ‘I remember feeling like you do right now, Morris was a bull of a man in his prime. You enjoy it while you can!’ She smiled widely at me and dragged Morris out behind her, scolding him for making her jump!
Tom was laughing uncontrollably now and I punched him in the arm. ‘Stop it you! Oh.My.God! Gray’s parents, Tom! You could have picked strangers at least!’
He was still laughing as he slid his hand under the edge of my dress and cupped my bottom and squeezed my flesh hard. ‘There are no strangers here for me Gem, I know all of them and they aren’t as straight laced as you may think. They just need time to loosen up.’
I wriggled against his grip, another shot of pure pleasure arrowed through to pussy and I knew I wasn’t holding out much longer. The vibrator had begun to heat my insides as well as thrust continually against my g-spot. I was in a world of trouble as I realised I wanted desperately to come right now and I had no problem with taking my punishment. It wasn’t like I didn’t like being spanked was it? My ‘fuck the rules brain’ was taking over!
It was like he could read my mind. The vibrator stopped, the suction stopped and my brain flipped that damned switch again to ‘oh no not right now then.’ I growled at him and reached down for the remote in his hand. ‘Give me that damned thing before you kill me off!’
‘Uh uh baby, this part belongs to me. Besides, you were too close. I could feel your body tensing against me. Looks like you were pushing for a spanking that time!’ He was stroking my ass and his fingers found their way up to the little vibrator cup.
‘Relax for me and let it go,’ he murmured. I was more than happy to comply. He removed the vibrator and dropped it into his jacket pocket. I breathed a sigh of relief against his chest.
I sat up and looked at him, ‘You done torturing me now baby?’ I asked sarcastically. Somebody, anybody, tell me to keep my big mouth shut! Please!
‘No baby, I just decided I wanted to take it’s place.’ He chuckled as he nuzzled my neck while his fingers slid inside me and began stroking, reaching much further in than the small vibrator had. I groaned loudly, I couldn’t fight this, he knew exactly how to touch me to make me come. He had that half smile curling his lip as his dark eyes held mine trapping me in his gaze. He was climbing in my head and I couldn’t stop him. He slid his thumb forward and rubbed the rough pad over my engorged clit. I shuddered hard against him, my eyes were as big as saucers as I watched his lip curl back in a lazy snarl, my mouth formed an O as the shock waves raged through me without warning! I came so damned hard on his fingers I let out a loud feral growl as I dropped my head on his shoulder and bit his neck hard. He thrust up harder and I clamped down on him locking his fingers inside me, he thrust against my tight muscles pushing me right over into the waiting abyss.
‘Come on baby give me all of it, you know you got more.’ He murmured, locking his gaze with mine. I bucked against him sobbing. ‘Oh yeah, that’s it Gem, right there, I can feel you gripping me, let it go baby…’ He whispered encouragement and drove me wild with renewed hunger.
I felt the tears stream down my face at the power of the waves ripping through me. I gripped the front of his shirt in my fists as my body rocked against his thrusting fingers. Wave after wave rolled with each new thrust. I was in agony and ecstasy at the same time. I wailed, I bucked hard against him and he gripped me and held me fast as I came again and again. I was utterly wrecked!
Tom held me tight until the shock waves receded and I could breathe properly again. ‘We will be doing this again and again tonight baby until I have wrung you out. That was mind blowing to watch.’ He said huskily as he kissed my face, my lips, I felt his erection jump beneath my thigh as he tasted my salty tears on his tongue. He growled low and deep and it rumbled up through his body till I felt it pass under my hands pressed to his chest.
Suddenly we were upright and I was caught in his grip as he tugged me along to a door on the far side of the room. He took out a bunch of keys and quickly inserted one in the lock and the door swung open. Tom looked down at me with the darkest expression in his eyes I’ve ever seen. He pulled me into the room with him and locked the door behind him leaving the key in the lock on the inside.
I looked around me and realised, we were in the spanking room (We’ve arrived Nora, pay attention honey! :P)
I had never been in this room until now! Gray had only had it done a couple of months ago after Todd complained that he couldn’t concentrate on his work with all the howling going on from Gray’s caning activities! This room had previously been the gym and its size made it perfect for a spanking room. No expense had been spared from the look of things.
There was a huge old brown leather pommel horse taking centre stage in the middle of the room with cuffs and bracelets attached on short chains at strategic points. A large spanking bench was set off to one side of the horse with a smaller one on the other side that was not too dissimilar to the one in our shed! Not a wild ride to guess where Tom had gotten the idea from now! There were various desks, wooden tables, benches and stools dotted around the room all with strategically placed locking cuffs attached and bolted to the floor. On the walls there was row upon row of every kind of strap, leather paddle, belts of every thickness, rolled bullwhips, leather floggers, wooden paddles that ranged from the size of a hairbrush to the Jokari paddle and everything in between. There were synthetic strips, paddles and synthetic canes (oh my they looked mean). Three different sized birches, crops, a whole row of different sized tawse that made my eyes water just looking at them and then on a wall of their own, Gray’s canes. 30 of the most evil looking, thinnest, whippiest canes all different sizes that I have ever laid eyes on. Beneath the canes was a shelf loaded with every kind of lotion and potion ever used either to heat up or cool down a spanked or caned bottom! The whole room had been sound proofed and the walls were covered in rich brown leather panels. The seating around the room was luxurious. Gray had a thing for old leather and he could afford the best. It was reflected in this tastefully put together room of torture!
In the corner stood a set of stocks. My eyes nearly fell out of my head when I saw those and I was suddenly very grateful that Tom had taken my discipline over from Gray!
Tom had remained silent the whole time I had stood there inspecting the room and the myriad of contents. My jaw had dropped open at the sight of so many strange and wonderful, very painful looking spanking implements all in one place. I turned to face him with owl eyes.
He smiled, did I mention he had a really dark edge to his mood? Well it had gotten much darker since we entered this room let me tell you. I felt a shiver of apprehension run through me as he reached for me. I went to him willingly, I had settled this spanking in my head the moment I had let my orgasm consume me. I knew I was in for a sound spanking come what may. He never made empty threats.
‘Are you going to cane me Tom? My voice was barely above a whisper. The tension between us was palpable. My heart was pounding in my chest and my breathing was shallow with nerves. I didn’t really know or understand where he went in his head when he was like this and usually it meant I was in for a sexual marathon with him of epic proportions and not normally a spanking.
‘No Gem, I’m not caning you. I would love to be able to, but I don’t trust that I won’t do you serious damage.’ His voice was tight as a whip and his jaw was set rigid with tension!
‘Are you going to spank me?’ I asked searching his face for an answer, more to fill the tight silence that had settled around us in the room than to know what my fate was.
He grunted once, he was wound tighter than a coiled spring and I was raised up in his big arms and carried over to the desk across one corner. It was leather topped and old as the hills. He sat me down on the edge of it and ran his fingers lightly up the inside of my bare legs to my inner thigh and then across pussys swollen lips.
‘I want to give you pain Gem,’ he said quietly, more to himself than me, he was lost in his own thoughts. ‘I want to make you cry.’ His voice was heavy and dark and husky and I shivered as he turned his gaze onto me.
‘I wish I knew where this comes from, I’ve never felt like this with anyone else. I want to physically hurt you until you use your safe word. I want to see where your limits are baby. It is driving me insane, daily, feeling like this and then pulling it back so far and only going as hard as I think you can take. I want to know what you can take. I want to break in and reveal your vulnerability and lock it on the surface so you can’t hide it away again. I want that so bad, it scares the shit out of me. ‘ His breathing was ragged and his expression raw.
I reached up and stroked his face. I wrapped my legs around his hips and pulled him into me, he leaned down and stole my breath completely with a kiss that seemed endless. I fumbled with his belt and released it, I made short work of the button and zipper of his pants and finally I reached for his rigid cock and stroked it from tip to base and back again. He groaned and grabbed my hips, his fingers pushed aside my panties and he lifted me onto him and thrust up in one movement. His words from earlier weaving their way through my mind, he was filled with so much passion, emotion and hunger he wanted to physically break me with it all. He pounded into me, his thick cock stretching me to my limit, filling me up completely, impaling me, hurting me exactly how I needed it, but I wanted more from him, I pushed against him harder and snarled at him, grabbing at him, biting his skin where I could connect. He roared and flipped me over the edge of the desk and rode me so hard I saw stars, I lost my breath, I was screaming and crying and then I felt my whole body go rigid as another huge orgasm tore through me like a tidal wave. I collapsed onto the desk as he continued to rough ride me harder and faster until he snarled and thrust so hard I thought he might rupture me. He pumped his seed so deeply it heated my stomach, he was wild as he continued to thrust and spill himself into me for what felt like forever. Slowly, very slowly he began to sooth me, stroking my back, leaning over me, mumbling soft words against my hair. Kissing my neck as he brought me up to him again and turned me in his arms. He kissed my face, absorbed my tears and wrapped me up in his arms so tightly I could barely breathe. I had no idea what the hell was going on with him but I also didn’t want this to stop.
Eventually he lifted his head up of my shoulder and I saw my Tom in his eyes. The darkness was gone, spent, for now. I stroked his face and kissed him.
‘People are gonna be wondering where we’ve disappeared to.’ I mumbled against his mouth.
He laughed a short laugh, ‘they are gonna have to wonder baby, you still have a good hard spanking to get through.’
The look on my face must have been priceless!
He left me sat on the desk and walked to the wooden paddle section of the wall.
‘We’re still doing this Tom? But I thought… I mean… you…’
He turned to me and showed me the paddle he had chosen for my ass’s demise.
‘You broke the rules baby. Now you have to pay… assume the position sweetheart, this is gonna hurt.’
Graham’s 50th Celebrations Party. #2 Preparation for The ‘Vanilla’ One!
This morning Tom had requested my consent to assume control of our dynamic completely. I agreed. Just to be clear, this is not a D/s dynamic we have. We have yet to correctly pin any kind of tag on it that gives it a firm definition. I don’t think we can. I am way too opinionated to be submissive, and he doesn’t require that from me anyway, he wants the fight, he wants the challenge and he want’s the heat from my fiery warrior temperament. That’s where he feels happiest, when he’s ‘taming me’ as he puts it. He revels in the battle of wills, as do I. It makes for some very interesting times! Which is what has brought us here, to right now and I’m brewing up a storm in a teacup because I can’t have my own way.
Tom is driving me slowly insane!
Right now I want to strangle him. He’s being a royal pain in the ass and not giving in to what I want from him. I want a free pass for tonight. I just want to be good. That’s it, nothing major, just Gemma wants to be good for once! You would think, all things considered, he would see this as a major break through in my ‘fuck you, I’m gonna do what I want’ attitude and grab it with both hands and mark that day on the bloody Calendar!
No. He’s already made up his mind exactly what he wants from tonight, there is no room for manoeuvre and I can see a very long, frustrating beyond all measure evening stretching out before me and I’m ready to throw a king sized hissy fit! He has a definite plan of the way this evening will go and I’m not privy to it. It’s that part that is driving me nuts! I have no control and I know the more I push the less I will find out, and I will probably earn a spanking for it too! I stomped off to the bathroom and locked the door while I took a shower. I will probably pay for that little defiance but I don’t give a damn. he’s not getting everything his own bloody way!
As I shower I convince my fighter brain that I don’t need a red ass to go with my red dress, I give up and accept the inevitable. How bad could it be? It is Tom after all. He wouldn’t do anything to embarrass me in front of Sam and his friends who are going to be there tonight. I finished my shower and dried off some before going back into the bedroom, dropping down on the end of the bed, hairdryer and brush in hand.
Artwork by Jennifer Parker (sitting pose II)
‘You good now baby?’ Tom was watching me closely from the top end of the bed. I was sitting crossed legged drying my hair. I hadn’t spoken in a good 20 minutes. He was not affected by any of it. I looked over my shoulder at him, and saw he had laughter in his eyes, his lopsided grin said that he was highly amused, and I threw my wet towel at his chest. He caught it.
‘I’m fine. I accept I can’t have my own way on this. I agreed this morning that when we’re out and in company or attending an event I will comply with any and all of your wishes.’ I even managed a conciliatory tone! Go me!
‘Well that didn’t take as long as I thought it might.’ He chuckled as he got off the bed and headed for the bathroom. I watched as he passed me, his beautiful broad back and tight ass made me want to reach out and touch the gorgeous smooth skin that rippled over his muscles as he moved. He was also sporting some rather magnificent bright red talon lines down his back on either side. They were going to sting like crazy when he hit the shower.
‘Good!’ I thought as I continued to dry my hair. My tummy turned over with excitement as my mind replayed the moment I had ‘branded’ him as he’d called it. Damn we had been like a pair of wild animals downstairs. That having an audience thing had really added another layer to the heat and no mistake!
A few minutes later Tom appeared behind me, clean and damp from his shower. I was now in the process of applying makeup so I continued as I watched him in the mirror.
‘Did it sting?’ I asked quietly as he leaned down to kiss the side of my neck. Butterflies were doing flipflops in my tummy as soon as his lips connected with my skin! I am such a push over for this man!
‘You know it did baby but that’s okay, we’ve got all evening for the payback to happen. I’m in no rush.’ He chuckled against the side of my neck as his hands slid under my arms and cupped my naked breasts. He cradled them in his hands as his fingers and thumbs gently rolled my nipples until they were rock hard twin peaks. I groaned as a shot of pure lust ran straight through me to connect to my now pulsing clit. Did I not have an off button either?
I wriggled a little on the seat and he slid his hand down to part my thighs and cup pussy. His fingers slid between her folds and found me wet, willing and hungry for his touch. He gave a tiny grunt of satisfaction as his fingers slid inside me and I leaned back against his hard chest to allow better access. He slid his fingers in and out slowly and gently, no friction build, no delicious ache, just a long slow stroke designed to fill me with raw need. It was working.
A whimper escaped my lips as he continued to nuzzle my neck, whispering against my skin the things he wanted to do to me, building erotic images in my mind. I could feel myself losing control and I began to tighten my muscles against his long fingers as they slid in and probed and then withdrew.
He stopped his sensual onslaught. ‘Oh no baby that’s not happening, you don’t get to cum for the rest of the evening. I want you the hungriest you’ve ever been by the time we leave Gray’s. I want to feel it coming off you in every line of your body, every movement, every look, every sigh.’
I shuddered hard and sobbed but my mind flipped a switch and the climatic build short circuited and I growled in frustration! Now I understood what his plan was. I was in a world of trouble!
His eyes were dark and unreadable as he held my gaze in the mirror. I felt like he had just sucked me inside him and my mind and body were completely at his mercy. I was trembling at the enormity of that realisation. He smiled a slow predatory smile as he pulled me up off the chair and turned me into his chest, soothing me. I know he knew what had just happened between us, I felt the smallest shift in his manner because of it. He had taken another step closer to getting what he wanted, me, tamed. I think we both understood it would be short lived. That’s the nature of this beast we have created between us. It’s why it works.
I sighed heavily against his chest and I pushed away from him. ‘I need to get ready or we’re going to be late again!’
‘Wait a minute, I have something you need before you get dressed.’ He turned away from me and opened his closet. He took out a small package (not the scary romantic kind people, don’t get excited) and palmed the contents.
He turned to me and slid his hand between my thighs. I felt the cold lube first and then the mini vibrator as it filled me, he positioned the clit stimulator cup over my clit. The whole thing was like a small shell that cupped my pussy and sat deep inside me.
‘What’s this?’ I asked nervously, I was searching his eyes for his mood but they were unreadable.
‘Just a little gift I picked up for you baby, it should keep you where I want you for the rest of the evening.’ He was grinning as he stood back.
‘Well it’s doing nothing for me right now, so I guess it’s not working!’ One of these days people, I am going to learn to wait and listen and watch before I speak.
He showed me what else he had in his hand. Yeah, a wireless remote control. He pressed a button and OMG!! My pussy and clit thrummed into life and began their own bloody tango! Wow I was in deep trouble tonight.
‘You can get dressed now baby. Red dress, black lingerie, no stockings tonight, I want you bare legged with this dress. Black stilettos. Remember, no orgasms Gem. If you come, you will be taken into Gray’s spanking room and spanked until you cry.’
I mumbled something incoherent as I began the difficult task of dressing while under some serious stimulation!
Tom was laughing at my woeful expression as he placed the remote control on the bedside cabinet and began dressing.
He pulled on his black silk shirt with a thin red line the identical colour to my dress, on the inside of the collar, black slacks and his thin leather belt. He slipped on his gold watch and he was ready. My insides turned to liquid as my eyes drank him in. The vibrator thing ramped my hunger up another notch! He picked the remote up and switched it off before putting it in his pants pocket.
Blessed relief!
I needed to steal that damn thing from him before the end of the night or I was going to be a complete mess!
This new dynamic? I think It might just kill me off!
Tom wasn’t done with me yet. As he continued to kiss me his big hands palmed my bottom under my skirt and he squeezed both mounds at once. He broke the kiss and I whimpered against his mouth. ‘Don’t stop please.’
He chuckled against my lips, his breath warming me, ‘I think we need to take this to the bedroom baby,’ he whispered, as his long fingers slid between my cheeks and began to probe. I was squirming against his fingers and felt his cock respond to my wriggling. He was recovering rapidly. I didn’t want to go to the bedroom, I wanted him here now, on the kitchen table. I shook my head at him and whispered, ‘table please’ in a small voice. I didn’t want this turning into a discipline issue either. Plain and simple I wanted him to fuck the life out of me on the kitchen table with the neighbour watching and listening over her fence.
Tom raised an eyebrow at that. ‘The table? That’s gonna be a rough fuck baby, no soft space anywhere and it’s on full view.’ He said quietly, but it had gotten his attention, his eyes were heavy with lust. He wasn’t above showing off his fine ass and smooth hip action to an audience either.
I slid my hand between our bodies and cradled his balls, cupping them, squeezing them lightly and rolling them in my fingers. If I wanted this man’s instant compliance I had learnt it was not a strict voice that worked best, it was this. He became putty in my hands if they held his balls. Simple but very effective. I heard a breathy moan from outside and I smiled a wicked smile at him.
‘I want an audience.’ I whispered.
He groaned and his thick cock rose to attention beautifully against my belly, ‘You’re playing with fire Gem.’ He ground out between clenched teeth. His fingers were tangled in my hair and tugging my head back so that I had to look at him. I was in such a strange head space in that moment, dreamy and almost disconnected, like I didn’t quite belong inside my own body.
‘I want her to see.’ I whispered.
He growled low and deep and lifted me up by my ass and settled me on the edge of the table. His expression was dark and predatory as he pulled my T shirt off, dumping it on the floor with his own discarded clothes. My breasts tumbled free and he filled his hands with them, squeezing one and gripping the other tightly. I winced at the sudden pain and then a small moan escaped my lips. He pushed me down onto the table and I braced my legs against his chest as he pulled me onto him slowly until his cock was embedded deep inside me. I groaned and tightened pussy’s slick walls around him, clenching and releasing him, lifting my hips to push harder against him. I gripped his arms trying to grab hold of him to draw him closer but he had gone into his own head space again and that half curled lip told me exactly who was in control of this and it wasn’t me.
Tom laughed at my puny attempts to pull him closer, he locked my gaze with his own watching my face as he released my breast and brought his fingers to my throbbing clit, rubbing his rough thumb pad over that engorged little nub, impaling me on his rigid cock, I bucked as he pinched my clit and rolled his thumb again, then pinched it. He smiled a wicked smile and continued his onslaught. I was growling and panting as he thrust inside me long and slow, withdrawing and then slowly filling me inch by inch until I was thrashing around trying desperately to reach for my orgasm. He knew I was close, he slapped my butt cheek hard, ‘don’t you dare come Gemma. You ask for permission lady.’ He growled as he sank his length into me again and again and again and then stopped and held my thrusting hips still.
I bucked up hard against the pressure of his hands. My eyes flew to his in a desperate plea, ‘Baby please let me come! Please don’t stop!’ I begged, I was so damn close I could feel the full weight of my orgasm sitting at the top of my cervix as his cock pushed hard against it then withdrawing before I could tumble over. A deep painful throbbing had set up inside me and I howled as I held back and writhed against the tight grip of his hands on my hips.
I heard her, mewling, I turned my head to the side and saw her standing to one side, watching us. A hand over her mouth, her other out of sight.
Tom spanked me to pull my attention back to him and let out a cold chuckle at my distressed yowl. He resumed his lazy stroking of my clit, tweaking my nipples hard, slapping my ass, I rose up, my eyes wide, pleading with him for release. He shook his head. ‘Don’t you dare Gemma, or I’ll edge you all fucking day lady.’ His words were punctuated by single hard thrusts that had me screaming again, begging loudly. And then the tears came, I was in a world of delicious, incomprehensible pain and it was rolling through me until I felt my mind wilfully transfer it to pleasure. I was in deep trouble, I knew I couldn’t hold back any longer.
‘Please Tom, please I can’t hold back …. oh god… please let me come… I … uhh… ohh fuck TOM please!’ I was sobbing loudly and he let out a wicked chuckle, with one more hard thrust he grunted low and deep, ‘Come for me Gem, right now.’ My insides exploded around him, I flooded us both with my juices, I saw stars and could only grip his arms for dear life as the sensations threw me around turning me inside out, He began to drive into me now with a hard fast pace. He was rougher than he’d ever been before and I lifted my hips to take him deeper, he pushed my legs off his chest and pulled me up against him as I gripped his back and rode his cock hard.
I heard her then, moaning quietly, I lifted my head and looked over his shoulder at her and our eyes locked for a second as she groaned and closed her eyes locking me out, before I was chasing my orgasm over again and it climbed rapidly with each thrust, I dug my nails into his back and he growled loudly at me, as I dragged them down from top to bottom.
He thrust hard and slammed into me as he came, growling, snarling, his lips curled back over his teeth he threw his head back and roared as he emptied himself into me, filling me with his hot semen. I rocked against his cock and clenched my muscles around him, drawing every last drop from him as I came in a blistering wave of painful pleasure that ripped my insides to shreds. I was crying in earnest now, the tears were flowing freely and he leaned forward tasting them with his tongue.
Kissing my face, my lips, my eyes, then nuzzling my neck as he continued to pump his seed until it spilled out of me and he began to slow down, steadily, until finally he laid his full weight on me and pinned me to the table. ‘Little witch, he muttered against my skin, ‘you fucking branded me baby!’ I sighed happily and stretched against him as his mouth nuzzled my neck and I stroked his back, we soothed each other for minutes, and then we both heard her. She wailed loudly, a high keening sound that was then muffled almost instantly.
I grinned wickedly at Tom and he laughed as he scooped me up off the table and carried me up the stairs out of sight of our horny voyeuristic neighbour.
Tom has been over at Graham’s all morning helping him set up a staging area for tonight’s party. I have had strict instructions not to play while he’s out. Before he left, we did the kiss and make up part of our earlier argument and let’s just say, we should argue more often if that is the end result. It would take three posts to tell you about it so, I’m gonna leave you with your own imaginations. Suffice to say, very satisfied Gemma right now so his ‘no playing’ order was not an instant issue. This morning has brought about a swift change in Tom’s attitude towards me and us. After a long and involved discussion between us we have drawn up new guidelines. He has talked openly and honestly about what he needs from us and I have agreed with him. I have given him clear guidelines as to what I am comfortable with and I can honestly say I prefer the new dynamic between us. There are no grey areas that can cause misunderstandings (for now). Since then he has embraced the new dynamic and asserted his authority fully leaving no room for doubt that he will bend me to his will, he is intent on taming me. I am slightly in awe of his natural dominance over me and more than happy to comply… for now.
Mid day came around and Tom came in through the back door. He was absolutely filthy and sweaty and Oh My Goodness his pheromones were oozing from every pore! I was instantly red hot horny and panting! I have never had such a visceral reaction to a mucky male in my entire life! It must have been evident to Tom too because he stripped naked in the kitchen doorway and growled at me! ‘On your knees woman!’
Alpha male in the HOUSE!! Who was I to argue? I dropped down to my knees on his discarded clothing and knelt in front of him inhaling his scent! I licked my lips and smiled a tiny little smile. I adore his cock!
I heard a gasp from behind him through the open door. I couldn’t see her, but she could see Tom’s naked ass in the door way and I assume she could see me on my knees in front of him. I didn’t care. Let her look her fill. He is magnificent! I slid my mouth along his thick hard shaft and set to work on him, wrapping my tongue around that pulsing tip sucking firmly and drawing out a stream of precum. Dragging my teeth gently along his ribbed shaft and then drawing back slowly eliciting a long low groan from him, his hands reached for me, grabbing my head and gripping my hair.
This is our private dance, we both know it so very well and it wraps us up in it’s intricate little moves. I raised my eyes to his as I continued to worship his cock. His lips were set in that half curl thing he does when he’s gone to an intensely dark and dominant place in his head. He held my gaze with a glittering one of his own. I sucked him in deeper, his scent surrounded me, weaving its heavy musky aroma into my mind. Normally, he is content to watch and sink himself into the sensations I am creating for him. Not this time.
‘You hungry for this baby? Sucking me in, taking all of me?’ His voice was so husky and hot it shot through me and turned my insides to liquid heat. I mumbled around his cock too full to speak and nodded my head. I took him in further, pushing against his length, rocking back and forth to be able to go further each time. I closed my eyes and got lost in my own pleasure of the taste and feel of his massive cock.
‘Look at me Gemma.’ he demanded quietly. My eyes flew open and I locked my gaze on to his dark one. My hands went around his hips and gripped his buttocks tightly. I heard a female gasp in the background and I knew she was still watching us, transfixed by the sight of him. A frisson of excitement curled through me, she could have her show, I had him!
I sucked and lapped, stroked and sank his beautiful member deep inside my mouth, down the back of my throat. I was in my own personal heaven. He groaned loudly as his precum salted my tongue, making me thirsty for more. I moaned and he growled low. ‘I am putting you on display to the vanilla crowd tonight. You’ll wear this just fucked hard and long look on your face and in your eyes for the rest of the day. The look that tells every person there you’ve been had by me, over and over again.’
I whimpered at the onslaught of sensations his words created in my body and mind. My head filled with the images he was building there. Pussy contracted sharply and I gasped at the strength of her reaction. I was soaking, my thighs slick with my juices and my clit throbbed into life, aching to be touched. Swelling at the thought of him, his big fingers working me. I worked him harder and faster as I sucked and pulled and smoothed and lapped at his impossibly thick, beautifully rigid cock. Before long he was grinding his hips and thrusting his cock down my throat.
His face was masked in primal need and he ground out orders between his growls and moans. ‘You will wear red lipstick when we’re alone . I want that perfect O on my skin permanently.’
The intensity of his gaze ripped through me. He was all raw strength and power and I could only bend to his will. He held my head tightly as he thrust harder, deeper, with every stroke, grinding himself against my mouth as he held me firm. I gagged and then breathed slowly to calm my reaction to his intrusion of my throat. His lips curled back and his eyes closed in unadulterated pleasure as he pumped a long steady stream of semen down my throat. I swallowed, he gave me more, pulling back and filling my mouth with his essence. I swallowed again, his fingers gripped my hair tighter as he thrust hard and moaned deep in his throat at the last hot stream of creamy seed leaving his body.
I heard her moan and whimper softly behind him. She had less than 30 seconds to disappear before she was discovered.
I withdrew from him slowly and he pulled me to my feet and into his arms. His lips caught mine and I sank into a mind melting kiss, full of heat and promise. He smiled against my mouth as he began to come back to himself. ‘You do know we had an audience don’t you?’ He said.
I grinned widely, ‘Uh huh, I think she may have had a moment of her own baby.’
All my posts about Tom make it sound like he is the perfect man. He never gets it wrong does he? How he reads me, understands me, calm, controlled, precise, fair, his quiet dominance. And then there is the spanking, and the absolute mind blowing sex that just goes on forever! Sounds perfect right?
Tom can be an asshole too. Just making sure you all know that up front. I don’t often post the arguments between us as part of this series, they aren’t integral to the unfolding story, but this one was, and it is relevant to our journey. This one gave me the other side of Tom, it showed he had insecurities just like everyone else. He wasn’t perfect.
I’m a very early riser regardless of how much or how little sleep I’ve had. I’m conditioned to it. So, as is my norm most mornings, I can be found on the sofa at the end of the bed and I am content to drink my coffee, write my journal up and watch him as he sleeps. This morning without warning he sat up and rubbed his hands over his face angrily. I could feel his tension, it was in every line of his body.
I ignored the tension, ‘Morning baby’.
‘The sofa again Gem?’ He sounded narked. It’s a new one on me. I’ve not had this from him before. My scalp prickled a warning at me and I began to tread cautiously.
‘What about the sofa again?’ I ask confused.
‘You’re on that damned sofa every morning.’ He snapped as he swung his legs out of bed, and headed straight for the bathroom.
He normally kissed me good morning before he did anything else. He usually said good morning too, so the sound of the shower running gave me a small start. I put down my journal and sipped my coffee, waiting. My gut churned and I could feel anxiety building.
10 minutes later he came out of the bathroom naked, walked over to his closet and pulled on a pair of jeans. Something was going on! He came over to me and crouched down in front of me. I got a good look in his eyes. He was furious and I mean tight lipped furious!
‘What’s going on?’ I asked quietly. My heart was hammering in my chest.
I could see him struggling with his temper. I pulled my knees up against my chest and curled into a ball as I waited.
He studied my face for a moment before he spoke quietly. ‘We’ve been living together for three months now and just once in all that time I’ve woken to find you lying next to me. It’s driving me fucking insane!’ His voice was controlled and quiet but I could hear the anger in every word.
I attempted to placate him. ‘I’m awake really early Tom, too early to disturb you. So I sit here, write my journal, drink my coffee and wait for you. It’s not like I’m downstairs or something, I’m here at the end of the bed!’
He didn’t want my explanation, he wasn’t done yet. ‘You don’t get it do you? I want to wake up with you Gemma, I want to feel you beside me, curled into me, I want to roll over and take you before I even open my eyes. But I can’t do that, because you are never there. You are putting distance between us lady, and it will grow.’
Damn his words stung me! My own temper flared but I tried one more time to defuse the tension.
‘I’m not putting distance between us, I’m trying to be respectful of the fact that I am awake 3 hours earlier than you and it’s not fair to disturb you! How is that putting distance between us?’ I was not going to be made to feel like I was pushing him away!
He wasn’t having any of it. ‘You know what time I wake up, why can’t you ever come back to bed and just be there?’ His tone was cold and sharp and I recoiled from it.
I leaned into my knees and hugged them. I tried again, ‘Why are we arguing about this Tom? All you have to do is tell me what you want and I will happily give it to you. I didn’t know it was a problem until a few minutes ago!’
‘Come on Gemma, it’s not something I should have to ask for!’ He snapped. ‘And we are arguing because this morning sofa thing once again hides the bigger issue. I lie there every fucking morning, watching you disappear behind that damned steel trap and lock yourself away from me. I wake at 7 and watch you, you’re completely locked into your own thoughts, I’ve seen you crying, I’ve seen you go pale as a ghost, I’ve seen you get angry, I’ve seen you look unutterably sad. But as soon as I move your expression goes blank and you paste a fucking smile on your face and bang, that’s it, I’m shut out before I ever get the chance to know what’s going on and that burns me, every single day!’ He stood up and turned away from me before he carried on with his diatribe.
‘I want that sofa out of the bedroom. Today!’ He demanded. ‘You lady are going to try this my way for once.’
Tom had laid down the fucking law! I don’t think so.
‘No.’ I felt shredded and exposed and I was suddenly furious.
He spun on his heel and turned to look at me. His face was white with temper. ‘No?’
I sized up to him. ‘No! I will not take the sofa out of the room. I want it here. I like it here.’
‘You’re making this about the fucking sofa?’ He was incredulous.
I was angry as hell now. ‘No! I’m just making sure you know I have a bloody say in what happens here too! I haven’t done anything wrong Tom. I have sat and thought thoughts, I have sat and felt emotions and worked through them in the small hours of the morning. I don’t dump that shit on your head because there is no point. It’s the past. It’s a bastard, it crops up and blindsides me, it doesn’t need dissecting, it can’t be laid to rest, it happened, I lived it, I can’t change that and I deal with it. When you wake I put it away because it doesn’t belong here!’ I was shouting now, and the tears were coming.
He rounded on me but he kept his voice low and even. ‘From me. you put it away from me. You shut me out. You hide your pain from me, why? You never hid it from Stuart. He knows the whole damn story doesn’t he! Did he wake to find you next to him Gemma?’
And there we had it. He was jealous of Stuart. Fucking hell!
Men can be complete assholes when they think another man knows more than they do about their woman!
I was pole axed. I hadn’t seen this coming. I stood and retrieved my dressing gown from the end of the bed and pulled it on. Instead of going back to the sofa I climbed into the middle of the bed and pulled my knees up to my chest and turned myself into a small ball. He stood and watched me for the longest time before he spoke again. ‘We have to talk this out Gemma, it’s hurting what we have.’
It was my turn now. I threw him a look of disgust and I shook my head. ‘We have to talk this out? We? You’ve already made your mind up I am at fault here. The truth is Tom, you’re jealous of Stuart’s prior knowledge. You want what he had, why the fuck you would want that I have no idea! But let me just say this one last time. I do not want to trot my past out, I do not want to look at it all again, I do not want to open the steel trap and let it all out. Why should I? It’s my past and I own it. I refuse to lay it bare for anyone!’
He had put distance between us by taking himself across the other side of the room. He stood by the window and leaned against the wall. ‘You did for Stuart, you gave it to him.’ His voice was ice cold.
I saw red and launched myself off the bed and across the room. ‘I have known him 25 years! He was there throughout all the shit with my ex husband. He knew him. They were friends for a time until Stuart realised just how big an asshole my husband actually was!’ I was ranting at him and I hated myself for being this angry. I stepped back and took a deep breath to calm down before I continued.
‘Just so we’re clear here Tom, I never told Stuart a damn thing. I’ve never told anyone a damn thing! Don told him his version, spewed it all out every time he saw him. Stuart thinks he knows everything, he knows a fucking gas lighter’s version of my life and I promise you I will not have come out of that version well. What Stuart thinks he knows is utter bollocks. Don wouldn’t know how to tell the truth if his life had depended on it. He gas lighted everyone around us. And as far as Stuart waking up with me goes? He never fucking slept a full night in my bed. He slept in the spare room the one time he did stay!’
My anger suddenly abandoned me and I dropped down onto the end of the bed and hugged myself. I hurt. Deep inside, I felt ripped and raw and jagged. I took a deep breath and raised my eyes to his. He held my gaze.
‘Do me a favour Tom, deal with your jealousy first before you throw accusations at me. I’ve done nothing to deserve this from you. As far as waking up with me goes, I hear you, I understand what you’re asking for and I will do that for you because I want to. I had no idea it bothered you so much, but be clear on this, I will not spew out my life for you to appease your fucking jealousy over a man who after his childish behaviour last night, means a whole lot less to me this morning than he did before.’
‘Your making this my fault Gemma? You think I’m jealous of him?’ His voice was so cold! I was suddenly exhausted and I let out a deep sigh. Time to turn the tables.
‘You are. It’s written all over your face. Why didn’t you tell me you met him earlier in the day yesterday? What the hell did you two talk about that’s brought all this shit out this morning?’ I walked over to my closet and began to dress. I had my back to him and I kept it that way.
His voice came from directly behind me and I jumped at the sudden proximity. ‘Don’t turn away from me Gemma.’ he said quietly. ‘I didn’t tell you because you were already in a state over going to the party and facing him for the first time since he left. I didn’t tell you because you didn’t need to know. It would have served no purpose other than to upset you.’ He placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him.
I railed against that. ‘So, it’s okay for you to lock things away behind your own steel trap, but I’m supposed to be an open fucking book? How does that work Tom? You get to decide what’s best for us both? You’re no fucking better than Don and Stuart if that’s how this works!’
And just like that he got it. I saw the realisation hit him. He stepped away from me and gave me space. He dropped down onto the sofa looking shell shocked. When his words finally came his tone was remorseful. ‘You’re right, I’m sorry. I never realised I was doing that to you.’ He said quietly. ‘I just felt it keenly yesterday when he was blatantly more knowledgeable than I about you. I didn’t recognise it for what it was. I won’t let it happen again Gem. I truly am sorry.’
I went to him then, I crawled into his lap and I hugged him to me, the tears were flowing freely now, I couldn’t stop them if I tried. ‘It’s hard living here Tom, I warned you from the start that I am not easy to live with. I fixed myself, I butchered most of it in the fixing but I got here still sane and still relatively normal. I am not unpicking it now. I make no apologies for that, I will apologise for making you feel like I was putting distance between us. I wouldn’t do that. I crave you near me always. You will wake up next to me every morning from now on, I promise.’
He blew out a long sigh. ‘Thank you.’
‘But the sofa stays.’ I muttered grinning at him, he burst out laughing and just like that we were okay again.
But as a foot note, He isn’t perfect, He had behaved like an asshole. He just caught himself quicker than I am used to. That was his saving grace. he knew how to say he was sorry. It was easy to forgive him.
As parties go for me, Gray’s could be classed as a huge success. I hadn’t gotten into much trouble, made a fool of myself, or caused an argument (much). Go me! I had got a bruised bottom however, courtesy of Gray’s rash announcement to the room that I could take a caning from him better than any of his exes! After that little pearl of information came out, my bottom received so much attention from the Caning and Spanking community present, I spent more time yelping than I did talking. My poor bottom was swatted, squeezed, and slapped every time I moved!
Not quite the same but close enough. Oh and my curves are much fuller! Just sayin…
My main problem was that my dress had turned me into a moving target! Some commented that the ‘red under the dress’ attire made them feel a need to stroke my bottom! I was beginning to feel like a bloody Therapy Dog! Come stroke my ass and feel wonderful instantly! It kept Tom highly amused for the better part of the evening! Especially as he was receiving one request after another to loan me out for a spanking/caning session! Thankfully, he gracefully declined all offers!
I took it all in good part for the main, but one woman really did push her luck a little too far and walloped me hard on both cheeks! I spun around and snarled at her and Graham quickly stepped in to guide her off into a different room where her particular brand of needs could be met more ably! Don’t ask, there was so much going on at this party it was very much an anything goes kind of gig. Like I said, a room for every kind of people with a special room for Gloria and her crew! But that is most definitely another story! Out of all of the women there, I think I liked Gloria’s approach best! At least she was tongue in cheek about it!
Tom had his own problems too, and because he had found my situation so hilarious I was less inclined to want to rescue him. If I left his side someone would instantly take my place. So I purposely left his side frequently and would then stand back and watch the parade! When I say someone, I mean, men and women alike. He was like a giant honey pot and they were all fluffy tailing him, buzzing around him, draping themselves over him. He stunk of a mixture of women’s perfume and a variety of men’s cologne. Not a pleasant mix for my nose but hey, he had it coming!
Things finally came to a head when a very drunk but lovely gay man called Colin decided that Tom was in the closet and he was going to out him by showing him the pleasures he was denying himself. He draped himself over Tom and began groping his crotch. Oh Boy! Both Todd and myself had to step in quickly on that one. Tom had yanked Colin up in the air by the scruff of his neck and looked ready to murder him! It did nothing to cool Colin’s ardour! ‘Magnificent!’ Colin kept giggling excitedly! I stepped in and calmly talked Tom down from his murderous intentions, he eventually dropped Colin who landed in a heap at my feet. Todd quickly led him away to pour a large amount of coffee down his neck and sober him up some!
Todd and I declared we had life saving abilities after that one! Tom was not amused.
Tom declared he was making himself off limits for the rest of the evening and evicted a young man from a large leather armchair and took it for himself. He pulled me down into his lap and there I stayed for pretty much the rest of the night which passed without event as we sat and listened to Gray entertain everyone with his stories.
So, now I’m sitting at my dressing table removing my make up and Tom is behind me distracting me with his big hands. He leaned in to kiss my neck and my nose was assaulted with the pungent mix of cologne and perfume! I recoiled and he was instantly alert.
‘What was that?’ He said quietly.
I grinned at him, ‘you smell like a well used hand bag! You stink of perfume and cologne!’
‘Just proves you should have come and rescued me more often.’ He laughed at my crinkle nosed expression. ‘I’ll go shower baby. Keep the dress on until I get back, and the lipstick. I have a task for you that requires both.’
I raised an eyebrow but didn’t think to question his instructions.
10 minutes later he appeared before me, freshly showered with a towel wrapped around his hips. I had taken up residence on the sofa by now and oh my, he was a sight to see. All glistening damp muscles, and predatory intent in every move.
I leaned forward and tugged at his towel letting it fall from my fingers to reveal his magnificent cock, fully aroused and glistening with precum at its tip. I glanced up at his face with hunger in my eyes.
His new rule since the maintenance spanking was that I had to ask for permission from him before I could touch his cock or taste his precum. I had absolutely no problem at all with that and I framed my words carefully, ‘please can I taste you baby?’
He smiled just that one request made me instantly submissive to him, his mood became dark and intense, ‘I have a task for you to complete. Kneel on the floor.’ I dropped a cushion on the wood floor and knelt in front of him, ‘Take all of my cock down to the base and if you leave a lipstick ring at the base I’ll give you multiple orgasms tonight. You have a maximum of three attempts to do it. If you don’t, you’ll remain dressed until you achieve it and you will get a good hard spanking for failing and no orgasms. I won’t be helping you in any way. Do you understand Gem?’
I nodded my head and said quietly, ‘I understand.’ I raised my hand and wrapped my fingers around his engorged cock. Firmly fixed in my mind was the thought that as I work his cock with my tongue, my mouth, my teeth, he gets bigger. I couldn’t afford to do that. I would never take him all the way in! His girth is huge. My hand won’t close around him. I need two hands. He’s a good 10″ in length. I have never been able to take all of him completely. I was going to have to rely on my gag reflex behaving perfectly if I was going to pull this off.
I slid my mouth over the tip and tasted his precum on my tongue, and I realised I would have my own kind of payment for this as I went along. I slid my mouth back again but did not release him. If I did, that would count as one attempt. My usual worship of his cock would include a lot of head play. It drove him wild and would make him thrust his cock deep into my mouth. He wasn’t doing that this time, I had no help. I didn’t care, I adore his cock, I adore the way he stretches my mouth to its limit, filling me with his salty taste. Feeling the pulsing veins around his shaft rough against my tongue. I would have to forgo my sensation play to achieve the goal but I would have what I wanted later, I would make sure of it. I slid my mouth along his shaft, withdrawing then plunging him deeper each time I drew him in, until he was right to the back of my throat and I could feel my gag reflex kicking in.
I breathed slowly and steadily as I waited for it to pass and then I slid him further down until I felt my lips touch the flat skin of his groin. I pushed once more to make the contact complete and I pressed my painted lips against his skin and left a perfect ‘O’ of lipstick there. I withdrew all the way to the tip and began to work him properly. He hadn’t told me I couldn’t and damn it I was taking my prize. I worked his cock hard, I sucked his tip until precum flowed like a river from it, I lapped and sucked until he gripped my hair and began to rock his hips thrusting himself into my mouth, holding my head still as he took his pleasure and rode the wave to a huge climax. He growled deeply as he shot his creamy load down the back of my throat and pulsed and throbbed and thrusted until he was done. He let go of my hair and I withdrew from him. I raised my eyes to his waiting for his approval. He grinned a really dark grin at me that had me so wet instantly I thought I might actually cum.
He turned away from me and inspected my lip work around the base of his cock in the mirror. It was a perfect cherry red O. Damn I’m good!
He thought so too. The admiration in his tone was enough for me. He turned to face me again and held my chin between his fingers and lifted my gaze to his. Lust, pure unadulterated lust shone from his eyes. ‘Well done baby, I thought it may take two attempts at least. I expect you to do it every time. Stand up for me and turn around.’ I did as he asked, he stepped up behind me, wrapping me in his own musky scent that was pure Tom and my senses went into overload. His fingers stroked my lips and smeared my lipstick from my mouth and down to my chin. He unzipped my dress and allowed it to slide down my body until it pooled at my feet. I stepped out of it and he scooped it up and threw it on the sofa.
‘Turn around baby,’ he murmured huskily, I turned in his arms and he lifted me and threw me gently onto the bed. His fingers slid and played and tweaked my skin everywhere. He smoothed his hands over the silky material of my lingerie dipping and sliding his fingers beneath the fabric, and he played with me for hours. Eventually I took his length inside me and I disappeared into a fog of sensations I thought I may never come out of.
Finally, exhausted, impaled on his cock, cradled in his arms his heart beating a tattoo against my cheek I slept the sleep of the truly satisfied on his chest.
Nb.
As an aside to this post, before I finally fell asleep I asked Tom why I had been made to keep the dress on for the task, and his response was this.
‘I have been wanting to see you on your knees in that dress with my cock down your throat and your cherry red lips pressed against my skin from the moment I saw it in the window of the shop. The dress was integral to the image. The lipstick is a fantasy I have harboured for a very long time and you are the only woman I’ve ever known who I wanted to carry out that fantasy for me.
All evening I have watched as one after the other of Gray’s friends has tried to touch you, tried to tempt you away for a spanking, one guy even offered to pay £5k for me to let him cane you. 3 guys wanted to fuck you in every hole and would have paid big money so they could. 5 women offered their bodies to both of us for a threesome. Gloria said she would have spanked you until the moon fell out of the sky and Graham said you in that dress had given him a semi hard on. It’s the most turned on by a woman he’s ever gotten. Even Todd who is the campest guy I’ve ever met said that you in that dress should carry a government health warning. Stuart couldn’t keep his mouth shut about it or his eyes off you all night.
Out of all those sexed up people, the only man you had eyes for was me. You wore what I wanted you to wear, you looked the way I wanted you to look and you behaved the way I wanted you to behave. And all because I told you that was what I wanted.
Does that answer your question baby?’
I was staring at him wide eyed and all I could do was nod. A minute later I was fast asleep.
The party was in full swing, I had had two glasses of red, and I was relaxed! Who knew I could do that? Go me! Yeah, yeah, I know two very large glasses of red wine will do that for you. I didn’t care, the adrenalin rush I had every time someone new arrived was enough to scare the effects of the alcohol away! I was stone cold sober AND I was relaxed. I hate parties!
Anyway, a noisy debate between 4 of Graham’s exes was currently occupying everyone’s attention in the room . The subject was who had taken the harshest/longest caning from Graham in one session. They were batting numbers back and forth and I was laughing at them trying to out do each other. Tom and Todd (Gray’s partner) were grimacing at the numbers they were throwing around like gold medals! Graham chose that moment to come in from mingling in the other room, he leaned down and kissed Todd briefly before he sat down and joined in with the debate.
‘You’re all wrong you know.’ He said as they tried to one up each other. They fell silent and I chuckled, I knew that tone of voice, it could strike fear in the heart of the fearless, even Tom broke off from his conversation with Todd to listen.
Jason jumped up and waded in bravely, ‘No I’m not Gray! I took 24 full strength no holds barred strokes in one session from you and a paddle spanking that lasted for 15 minutes! I could barely sit down for two weeks! Everyone else is max 20!’ Jason is a pouter, and he pouted beautifully as he stood there, hip cocked, arms folded and lips pouting. In someone’s world, that look may have got him away with murder, in Graham’s world, it was more likely to earn him a swift caning! Everyone held there breath waiting to see what Graham would do next.
He laughed out loud at Jason’s posturing and then quite suddenly turned it off and said sternly, ‘Sit down Jason, you have no claim. None of you do. There is one person in this room that outranks all of you, and let me tell you, I spanked and caned her on two consecutive nights, full force, no holds barred. And just so we are clear, she took 24 strokes the first night and 30 the second night plus a strapping and a 45 minute spanking with a number of different implements!’
See me? I’m sitting there innocently scanning the bloody room for this awe inspiring woman with a no limits pain threshold! I was having flashbacks to the many canings and spankings I had taken from Graham over the past few years and my bottom was tingling with remembered pain!
Everyone was looking around for her! Tom burst out laughing as he caught Gray’s eye!
‘What’s tickled you?’ I said surprised.
‘Oh Gem you are priceless baby! He’s talking about you and you’re sitting here looking for the woman he’s talking about!’
Graham was laughing now too. He came over and pulled me up to my feet and presented me like a prize fighter at a heavy weight boxing championship fight! ‘I present the winner of the Highest pain threshold in Graham’s stable! Gemma, darling, take a bow.’
I was crimson with embarrasment as I looked around at the four men staring at me in open mouthed shock.
I mumbled something and then immediately sat down so close to Tom I looked like I was trying to climb inside him. His big arm came around me and hugged me to him.
‘Not doing well under the microscope baby?’ He muttered, as he hugged me.
‘I’m just bloody embarrassed is all.’ I said a little sulkily. Tom twisted a little so he could see me properly, ‘Look at me’ he said quietly.
I raised my eyes to his. ‘do not go into a sulk lady, or we will be having a chat with you over my knee in the other room.’ His voice was stern enough that I snapped out of my sulk and smiled at him. ‘Sorry baby.’ Yeah, I know, submissive aren’t I? Ha! I just know when to quit sometimes is all!
Jason and the others changed the conversation to other things and the room resumed its general babble. I relaxed again. It was a good party, there was a room for every different kind of person to be in and have a good time. Those who wanted to be raucous were encouraged to go out on the deck and party wildly out there with the music cranked up high. The rest of us had the run of the house, there were at least 150 people there so there was plenty going on. A large group of people joined us in the main lounge and suddenly I was being squashed between Tom and a very large lady who had taken up two cushions on the sofa!
Within minutes she was patting her hand on my thigh and stroking my leg. I stared at her meaty paw as she stroked my thigh. ‘I saw you earlier when you arrived with the beefcake. You look gorgeous darling, that dress hugs your bottom beautifully! Just ripe for a firm spanking!’
Oh fuck!! Not a chance in hell!
I tugged Tom’s arm, ‘I want to sit on your lap baby,’ I whispered, I’m getting crushed and propositioned!’ He looked down at me laughing at my wide eyed scared bunny stare.
‘You want Gem?’ He said with a raised eyebrow. I caught his meaning and swallowed my pride, ‘I mean please may I?’ I stammered out hurriedly, the woman’s paw was now groping my behind and squeezing my right cheek hard! He smirked a little at my immediate capitulation and he nodded. I hastily stood and he parted his long legs, I chose the leg furthest away from the meaty pawed lady with the lewd suggestions and groping hands!
I sat down with my legs dangling between his and my hip and thigh resting along his groin. I was far enough away from her now and was happy! She less so but she smiled at me and winked, ‘I don’t mind a threesome gorgeous, he looks like he can handle himself too.’ My face must have been an absolute picture because Tom burst out laughing as he turned to her and said, ‘Come on Gloria, behave yourself, you’re frightening my lady!’ She grinned at him, leaned across and planted a big smacker of a kiss on his mouth and then got up and did the same to me!
‘It’s the red under the dress gorgeous! It’s like a written invitation to do naughty things with you and lord knows I would be happy to do Tom too, anytime he wanted!’ With that she walked away laughing, hopefully onto her next unwitting victim! ‘That was all your fault you know!’ I said as I poked him lightly in the chest. He raised that infernal eyebrow at me again ‘How’s that?’ he said.
‘You told me to wear the red under the dress! You knew this would happen!’ I feigned a pout.
He grinned unrepentantly as his fingers brushed the side of my breast in slow strokes. ‘Got you on my knee though didn’t it?’
I laughed and wriggled a little on his lap, pussy was definitely awake now and Tom growled as he buried his face against the side of my neck nipping the sensitive skin there. ‘Keep still woman!’ He muttered as he wrapped his big arms around me. I smiled a wicked little smile that made his voice turn husky.
You’ll pay for it later baby, I promise.’ His eyes were predatory again and I revelled in his hot stare. His gloriously hard cock was now throbbing beneath my butt cheek and pussy was singing along to the beat. Things were definitely looking up!
And then Stuart came in. I froze like a rabbit caught in the headlights! I had convinced myself he wasn’t coming. It was after 9pm, I figured he would come tomorrow night with his wife instead.
He stood in the doorway and cast a lazy glance around the room until his eyes rested on me.
‘Gemma!’ He boomed across the room. Tom’s head snapped up from my neck and I could feel every muscle in his body tense.
‘It’s just Stuart’ I said, much more calmly than I felt.
‘I know, I met him earlier this afternoon.’ He said tightly. He didn’t miss my look of surprise. I had no idea they had met each other, which led me to wonder what the hell had been said that had obviously resulted in keeping Stuart away from me for the past 2 plus hours!
Stuart strode over to us and pulled me from Tom’s lap into a giant bear hug. ‘How are you darling?’ He asked pulling away a little to look at me. ‘You look good enough to eat in this dress! Very daring style for you!’
I extracted myself from his hold and sat back down on Tom’s knee. I ignored his comment about the dress and answered with a very polite, ‘I’m good, how are you?’ My insides were doing somersaults and I could feel myself trembling. Tom sat up straighter and loosely wrapped his body around me protectively,
Stuart’s eyes narrowed at Tom’s possession of me but he kept it surface. ‘I’m great darling, are you here tomorrow night too? I’ll be bringing my wife with me to that party. You’ll love her! She reminds me a lot of you except she’s probably better behaved.’ He said laughing at his own snide remark. He thought he’d scored a hit. I could see it in his face, he thought he could upset me. Callous bastard was in for a shock!
I smiled a huge relaxed smile and said, ‘I’m so happy I finally get to meet her! I confess I did wonder why there was no invite to the wedding after 25 years of friendship, but hey I understand, you obviously took the easy road out! I believe you’ve met my partner, Tom?’ I looked between the two men and continued smiling.
Fuck you Stuart! I thought. and I wondered when he had gotten that mean streak. Tom sat back and pulled me with him so I was almost laying on his big chest. My trembling stopped and I suddenly realised I didn’t have anything to worry about. I leaned in and kissed Tom full on the lips and he responded beautifully. By the time we had broken the kiss Stuart had left the room.
The rest of the evening went by in a blur of laughter and recounting of spanking stories, as one by one each of Graham’s exes gathered around Tom and myself to ask about that spanking and caning session. Graham happily filled in the missing details from my account and then held court as he regaled us all with his many spanking and caning stories. He stopped short of talking about Tom’s brief but painful experience with him. I think we were both relieved about that.
By 1am I was dropping asleep on Tom’s chest and he rumbled something to Gray about taking me home. I barely remember getting back to my house but I do remember, in glorious detail, what happened once we closed our own front door.
Tom has just informed me he has selected the outfit he wants me to wear this evening. With the exception of spanking attire being chosen by Graham I have never had a man choose my wardrobe. I don’t know how I feel about it, but Tom has asked me to trust him and I do so I will wear what he’s chosen.
I sat at my dressing table naked, I had just finished drying my hair and applying a thin layer of make up when Tom stepped up behind me his image filling the mirror, looking absolutely drop dead gorgeous in a pristine white silk shirt open at the neck and black slacks. A slim black leather belt snaked around his hips to complete the look. Jesus, I was gonna be fighting gay men and horny women off with a big stick all bloody night! He looked darkly handsome and broody as all get out! HOT!!!
‘Don’t put your lipstick on yet I’m only gonna smear it.’ He murmured against my neck. his masculine scent wrapped itself around me and I groaned as it assailed my senses filling me up with his essence. His hands slid under my arms to cup my breasts. His fingers tweaked and rolled my hard nipples shooting sharp sensations straight to my pulsing clit. Pussy began her siren’s song and I wriggled on the seat to try and quiet her.
‘We don’t have time Tom, we have to be there in just over an hour!’ My words came out breathy and hungry, even I didn’t believe me!
He laughed a deep chuckle that filled me full of need as his fingers continued to travel over my skin and down towards my needy pussy. I leaned back against him, giving him access to my thrumming clit.
He didn’t take the offer. Damn him. Instead his fingers skimmed over pussy’s lips and stroked them, it did nothing to sooth her. I pulled his hand away, ‘You’re a bad man! Stop teasing!’
He laughed and pulled my head back gently so I could see his face, his predatory intent was clear in his eyes. ‘Turn around Gem, I want your mouth.’
I spun around on the seat and he slid his zip down and released his engorged, gorgeous cock into my hungry warm wet mouth. I raised my eyes to see his face and a jolt of excitement ran through me at the hunger I saw there. He held my head fast as he used my mouth for his pleasure. I sucked hard on the throbbing tip as he withdrew his full length, he groaned and filled my mouth with all of him again, pumping faster and harder as I sucked and licked and wrapped my tongue around his veined shaft.
I slid my fingers inside his pants and up to his sack and cradled and rolled his balls, massaging them, as he thrust harder and faster, his thigh muscles tensed, his expression dark and intense, he was utterly focused on his goal, all I had to do was work my fingers along that thick pulsing vein to his tight sphincter and dip inside deep. He growled, gripping my hair tightly, thrusting his cock down my throat, I slid my finger further into his passage and rubbed over his gland and he groaned deeply as he filled my mouth with his seed, shooting it down my throat, almost choking me as I swallowed as much as I could before he withdrew and spilled his final full spurt onto my breasts.
Still holding my hair tightly, he crouched down in front of me, his eyes boring a message into mine, his hand smoothing his cream into my skin. ‘You will wear me on your skin tonight baby. No perfume, just me.’ I ran my fingers over my breasts, I could feel the sticky texture the now dried sperm had left as a coating. I smiled.
He smoothed his finger across my lips and wiped up his juices. ‘You will smell of me, taste of me, and dress for me tonight, I am going to be inside you, on you and all around you baby. Nothing else matters, okay?’
Wide eyed and hungry for him, I sucked his finger into my mouth and nodded.
‘Good girl, now get dressed, we’re going to be fashionably late.’ He smiled as he bent down and kissed my swollen lips. I sighed against his mouth.
‘Can we stay here instead?’ I whispered.
He grinned and withdrew himself from my stroking fingers. ‘No. Now come on, shake it baby, we need to leave in 30 minutes.’
I laughed as I repaired my make up and applied the finishing touches. I stood and walked to my closet where he had hung two very different dresses up for me that I had never seen before. He was laying on the bed watching me carefully.
The first dress was a black affair. Copious amounts of skin would be on show beneath the black lace and the material hugged every curve and line of my body like a second skin. The second dress was cherry red but was more sedate and covered my curves while revealing enough of my breasts as to be attention grabbing.
I turned to him and he pointed to the first dress. That’s for tonight the other is for tomorrow. He had laid out lingerie on the bed, and he had alternated the colours. A pair of high gloss black stilettoes sat on the floor next to the bed. He had thought of everything.
He jumped from the bed and kissed me, ‘ put the the red lingerie on, I want to see it so don’t cover up until I get back.’ With that he disappeared down stairs. I had just fastened the last of the suspenders to my stockings and slid the shoes on when he came back in with his phone.
‘Sit on the bed with your knees pulled up and spread wide for me.’ His voice was tight with lust, his eyes were heavy with hunger and my body responded instantly. Pussy was soaking my red lace panties and a damp patch darkened them. I sat on the bed and positioned myself the way he had asked. I rested my arms on my spread knees and looked at him. He took a number of photographs, then satisfied he had what he wanted he took the dress from the closet door and held it out for me to step into. He arranged the dress over my skin and smoothed it in place. Finally I was ready. I took a step back and turned to see myself in the mirror.
I was shocked at the transformation. I had never worn anything like this in my entire life and I had no idea I could look like this. The hunger in my eyes was clearly evident, my full lightly bruised lips looked used, I looked at his face in the mirror, if we had not been seriously strapped for time, and his look was anything to go by, this dress would have been off again in an instant.
I turned and kissed him and leaned down to pick up my purse. He spanked me hard on each cheek once before I straightened up yelping at the sting.
‘Remember Gem, you are inside me tonight, no one can undermine you. No one can get near you. I’ve got you and I’m not letting go.’ He kissed me briefly and ushered me out of the bedroom and down the stairs.
TRIGGER WARNING! THIS POST IS ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, GAS LIGHTING, COERCIVE CONTROL AND FINANCIAL CONTROL.
7304 days.
This is how long my marriage lasted, this is how many days I was abused for. Not a day went by without some kind of abuse being levelled at me. Be it financial, coercive, gas lighting, or violence. There was something every single day.
Over the past few days I have been reading many different bloggers posts and a recurring theme has begun to reveal itself throughout my reading.
Domestic Abuse and Gas Lighting.
Many times over the years I have come across women (mainly, but some men too) who have the same story to tell as my own. They are the survivors of domestic abuse and have been gas lighted.
My own story spans from me being a small child and living with an abusive father who battered (and I do mean that literally) my mum, me and my three siblings, pretty much every day for the sixteen years I lived under his roof. He did not have a drinking problem, he rarely drank, he was not a drug addict, his biggest addiction was normal cigarettes and he was wonderful company to anyone who lived outside of our house. He was the man everyone poured their problems out to because he was a good listener and would usually have a solution for them. So, why do you think he battered us and terrorised us? Because he could. It was that simple. He was an angry man who had been raised by an angry man who used to batter him and his siblings and his mum because he believed it to be his right as the man of the house. His rule, like my father’s rule was law. Woe betide anyone who said different and the law validated that belief. The general consensus was ‘what goes on behind closed doors stays behind closed doors. It’s her word against his and what did she do to push him to do that to her?’ Why would he stop? No one was pointing out that he was wrong.
I left home at 16 to make my own way in life. I got a job found a place to live and I dragged myself out of that poisonous environment. I could not help my siblings, they were already junkies and were lost to everyone. I tried to help my mum as much as I could, she is a Catholic and does not believe in divorce. Till death do they part. There is no help for that statement. She thought it was her lot in life and she accepted it.
I met my husband when I was 25 and fell pregnant by the time I was 26 got married before my 27th birthday and gave birth to my disabled son shortly afterwards. Those first two years of my relationship with my husband were fantastic. He was everything I could have hoped for in a man and I loved him. He would do anything and everything for me. I was precious to him.
The day after I married him, he changed. He told me I was now his property and that everything I had been able to do before we were married, go out, see my family, friends, write for hours, read for hours? All that stops because I was now his and I would follow his rules. In order to ram his point home, he gave me a good hiding (remember I was pregnant) and told me to tell anyone who asked, I fell over.
I was terrified. The following morning, he sat in front of me and cried and told me how sorry he was, that it was my fault because I had made him so angry he couldn’t help himself, but he would try to change his ways, and it would be easier if I could learn to be a good wife that understood her place.
I can’t tell you how many times I heard my father do and say the same things to my mum.
It wasn’t that we believed what they were saying, we were too damned scared to do anything about it. At all. Best to just be the wife he wanted and then it wouldn’t happen again. Right?
The other thing that happened was this, I thought it was normal. There I was completely love bombed by this man until the day he married me. Then I became property. Just like my mum, just like my Nana. This is what married life was like, wasn’t it?
Fast forward 10 years. (Trust me just copy and paste the above 10 times you have the intervening years.)
Whenever I tried over the years to get him out of my life, I had nowhere to go, I had a disabled child to put first and I felt like I was in an impossible situation. My husband became more adept at hiding his rage and abusive physical behaviour due to professional medical and social services being very present in our lives due to my son’s disabilities. He swapped the physical abuse for mental abuse , he already had complete financial control over me.
Very early on in our marriage he cut up my debit card to our joint account and gave me housekeeping money. By this time I was no longer working because of hospital appointments and hospital stays with my son. I had no choice but to go along with whatever he demanded. I had to make sure I had a receipt for every penny I was given or else. I ran my household on £40 a week. Most of the time he would buy himself an expensive steak or something he wanted to eat and my son and I would eat the cheap food. He ran up debts on credit cards and would take out doorstep loans to finance his expensive tastes.
I was allowed to keep the child benefit, he couldn’t stop that, it was in my name. I salted that money away every month for years. I gave him random receipts I found outside stores to cover it. I got very good at being a liar.
He began telling me things about himself, telling me stories about his work (when he went to work that is) and when we were in new company he would encourage me to tell his stories. Mid way through the telling, he would laugh at me and say things like, that never happened, why are you saying I worked there? I never did that, you’re making stories up about me. Then he would turn to our friends and say, ‘do you see what I have to live with? She’s always telling lies about me. All I try to be is a good husband and provider for my family. Then he would storm out of the room and pour himself a large glass of whiskey. Our friends would make an excuse and leave. They rarely if ever came back. When they left I would face him off and say, ‘you told me that stuff, why are you saying I’m lying about it?’ His response was always the same. ‘I never said any of that stuff, you’ve imagined it, it’s all in your head. We both know you’re not quite right in the head don’t we?’
Gas lighting doesn’t just work on the spouse. It works on the people around you to. The gas lighter only ever shows his best side to the outside world, he plays the victim to those in his inner sanctum and laments the crap wife he has been saddled with, to anyone who will listen. By the time we had been married for 12 years I was well used to this behaviour. But still I went out and made friends with people because I knew if I didn’t, one day I might end up sectioned in a mental health unit or worse, dead. I collected people like others collect books or comics or stamps.
When my son turned 19 the laws for domestic abuse changed. The abuser could now be arrested and charged with common assault.
I had found a way out and I took it. I forced a confrontation, he battered me and I called the police. I made a calculated decision to end this once and for all. I was one of the lucky ones. It worked. I have now been divorced for 11 years and it has taken all 11 of those years to try and undo the mental, physical, and emotional damage that he caused me.
I do not see myself as a victim of domestic abuse, I see myself as a survivor. I am the victor in this story, because me and my son got out.
My message to you is simple, if you know someone who is living this hell, reach out to them. Let them know you are there, be there for them and help when you can and don’t judge them when they can’t accept your help. They have been conditioned to believe that everything is their fault and if they could just try harder this time, they might get it right and the person they married, the person who loved and cherished them, would give them that love again.
Love is a powerful emotion that can bring you so much happiness you feel like you have everything you could ever hope for. Until it is used against you. When that love is turned around and used against you to bring you to your knees, to cow you, to make you feel worthless and stupid and so damned grateful that they are still willing to put up with the sorry worthless piece of crap that you are, it can kill you.
Lift your heads up people, not every story a gas lighter tells you is the truth. They like to play the victim. They love the attention.
Not every lie the abuse victim tells you is a manipulation, it is a defence mechanism to protect themselves from making things worse.
When you shake your head and walk away from a loved one because she/he won’t just bloody leave their partner, you validate the gas lighter and drive their point home for them.
You know when a person is being abused, look in their eyes. You’ll see it plain as day. Help them, don’t diss them or call them weak, or say they must like it else why would they put up with it?
Remember, if he is controlling her, he also controls her finances. How is she going to get away from him with nowhere to go and no means with which to do it?
I am one of the lucky ones, my personality is that of a warrior. It stood me in good stead. I fought back as soon as I was able and now I am free. Not every person is as lucky as I have been.
My son and I have been free for 4015 days, long may they continue.
This blog chronicles my unlikely entrance into the world of BDSM. Here I’ll share my story, the things I’ve learned, and the things I wish I had learned sooner. It’s also the place I will come to think out loud about where I go from here.
Some of my writings are NSFW. Fair warning. I write about my life, my love and the things that interest me. Please feel free to comment, ask questions or simply agree or disagree with my points of view. They are welcome. Thank you for reading.
Thoughts, writings, social commentary, and some photography by David Mei. Warning intended for an adult audience if you are not the age of majority where you live, leave now.
So, I've been spanked, hard! I have spanked myself hard, I have spanked others even harder! I'm now heading for a different road, one that still includes all the best bits of me, all the naughty bits, all the hot steamy bits, and plenty of spanking still to be had! But this time I'm creating characters to play out my delightful erotic fantasies, I hope you enjoy the new ride as much as the previous one...
Ruminations, opinionated observations, darkly humorous blathering and the occasional rant from an outspoken spanko and unapologetic attention wh--, um, hog.