The breast cancer scare has been resolved and I have the all clear thankfully. The clinic I attended was full of women all with the same expression of terror in their eyes, all with the same fear and it was awful. I was desperate to be away from that reality and it cut into my psyche deeply. I was the only one on Monday out of 5 women who got the all clear. 4 women’s lives were devastated in the space of an hour. I didn’t feel like I had the right to celebrate my victory in that place, it would have been wrong. I have quietly rejoiced since, but still don’t feel right about doing that dance of freedom when so many others were struck down with it. I know, it’s something like a case of survivor’s guilt and I am sure I will come to terms with my gain and their loss soon enough. I don’t know those women, but that doesn’t make their devastation any less to me. We forged a silent bond in that room, we all quietly supported each other and talked of normal things and tried to hide our minds from the reality of why we were suddenly in each other’s company.
I learnt an awful lot about a condition I don’t have (thankfully) in a very short space of time. What I learned most though, was how quickly your life can go from hero to zero in a heartbeat. I feel so fortunate to have come through this experience unscathed physically, but mentally it has definitely left its mark on me.
I just want to say to every woman out there, if you are offered the opportunity to have a mammogram, take it. It could save your life. The nurse who was dealing with my case said that 6 out of every 10 appointments they send out for breast cancer screenings are ignored. Women phone up and tell them they don’t need the appointment as they check their breasts for lumps and haven’t found any so they don’t need the screening.
That doesn’t even make sense to me. My own experience was a milk duct had twisted and folded in on itself and it showed up on the screening as a little lump behind the nipple. Had I not gone for the screening and subsequent tests, I personally would not have had a problem, given what it turned out to be, but, and this is the most important factor, it could have been the start of breast cancer and I would have missed an opportunity to have it dealt with swiftly. If diagnosed in time the rates of recovery from breast cancer are high. The medical advancements in breast cancer treatment we have available to us is so much more advanced these days, it seems foolish beyond measure to ignore those opportunities as they are presented to us, to keep ourselves healthy.
In other news, my heart monitor is full and isn’t working properly, my son has Covid as well as an ongoing kidney infection, my lover has had covid and it wiped the floor with him, he is still quite ill in the aftermath of it. My mum is doing okay but the Bell’s Palsy is causing her a great degree of pain and discomfort. My step dad is floundering under the weight of all of the worry and my best friend is finally getting her divorce hearing today after 4 years of her soon to be ex husband dragging things on and stalling, using delaying tactics and generally thumbing his nose at Judge’s orders and ignoring them. She is currently in the middle of her final hearing. I have absolutely everything crossed for her, her mental health is in complete crisis now, she also has to represent herself as a litigant in person because the soon to be ex has literally starved her of all funds and forced her onto benefits. She can no longer afford the legal fees for a Barrister or a solicitor.
Meanwhile, he owns and runs three businesses, which she worked at with him. He never paid her a wage, refusing because he said they had enough money coming in with just his wage and he would take care of the money and she should just take care of the family and work with him for the greater good of their future. When you have no private income of your own, you have no choices. She did this for 17 years in total. At the very least he owes her in excess of £100,000.00 in back pay! Everyone send positive vibes, thoughts, whatever, she truly needs them.
There is always someone worse off than yourself. I have lifted my head up this week and smiled properly for the first time in a long time. Here’s hoping it continues…