The First Time

These posts are excerpts taken from my personal journals when I first became interested in self discipline and spanking.

A confession.

I can’t find anyone to spank me, it’s a very difficult thing to ask for when you don’t have a partner, so I devised a way to get a spanking without having to get a man (or a woman, I’m not sexist) to do it! I would spank myself!

I had heard about self-spanking, I had seen videos online of people spanking themselves and I wondered what they got from it. Well, apart from the obvious that is, a sore bottom is obviously high on the list of wants and needs, but were they truly convinced they had received a proper spanking? Did it make them feel contrite? Did they mend their ways? Learn from their mistakes? There was no one to ask and that frustrated the living daylights out of me. I trawled the internet in search of self spanking diaries, photos, videos and to be fair while there are some, it is mainly the ‘otk’ variety of spanking that is widely available to view and read about. Very nice to view, and I learned a lot about technique from watching those videos, but not what I was searching for.
After much fruitless searching, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I set myself some tasks, worked out a punishment regime if I didn’t complete said tasks and then set a date and time that I should answer for my transgressions. My goodness I was excited and full of trepidation all at the same time as the day for ‘The confession of transgressions’ arrived. Had I completed my tasks?

The answer was a very woeful no. In honesty, I did try very hard to see if I could actually complete all of the things I had set out to do. The ones I failed on were, unfortunately, the ones that brought about the biggest punishments. I swear too much, I set a task that I would not swear for a whole day. I failed, miserably. 100 swats with a wooden hairbrush on my bare bottom. Oh dear, what a way to introduce myself to a sound spanking. I was actually dismayed that I had set such a high number for my first time out. Beware of one’s own eagerness! A very hard earned lesson!

The second task I failed on was smoking too much. I set myself the task of wearing a nicotine patch for a day and not having a cigarette for one whole day.

Yeah, doomed to failure, I had lit a cigarette before I had opened my eyes and I was wearing a nicotine patch! It went steadily downhill from that moment on. 30 cigarettes later and my bottom was tingling with the knowledge it was going to be introduced to a very firm 10-minute hand spanking followed by 60 swats with the hard plastic kitchen spatula. All to be delivered on my bare bottom.

I was surprised at my own level of intuitive instruction when I had set about doing this. I had instructed that at the start of each spanking session I should do a ‘warm-up’ spanking, light hand spanks all over my bottom, starting off over my skirt and panties, then moving on to pulling my skirt up around my hips and continuing to spank over my panties.

After a good ten minutes of light to medium hand spanking, I increased the firmness of the swats. Still over my panties, but I could feel my bottom getting warmer and the feeling was absolutely delicious! I was shocked to find I was getting moist between my legs too. Delightfully surprising beneficial side effect! Go me!

I was really getting into the swing of things now and decided it was time to progress to bare bottom, so down came the panties to around my ankles and a quick peek in the mirror revealed a lovely rosy glow to my bottom. No pain but the warmth was there.

It was time for the first real part of my spanking. I decided that the wooden hairbrush would be best left until I had delivered all of the hand spanks I had been given.

I bent over the end of the bed, panties around my ankles, skirt pulled high up over my hips, my rosy bottom glowing in the strategically placed mirror behind me. I raised my hand and swung it down hard on my left cheek. Smack! My bottom quivered at the sting from the first swat, but it still wasn’t too uncomfortable. I raised my other hand and brought it down on my right cheek, I’m right-handed, I felt this smack, it stung and I grimaced as the warmth turned to heat under my hand. I continued, the smacks came down harder and harder as I developed a rhythm of ten spanks to each cheek alternating so that it wasn’t an uneven spanking. I caught the tops of my thighs and that really stung. I didn’t stop though, I was finally getting the spanking I had been desperately looking for and I found I was enjoying it far too much. There wasn’t much in the way of contrition going on inside my head, I was thoroughly enjoying every minute!

I spanked harder and harder until my ten minutes were up. I stood up and viewed my ‘handy work’ in the mirror. My bottom and thighs were glowing bright red now and the heat was becoming intense.

I had read somewhere that a brief pause between spankings would prevent the bottom from becoming too numb too soon so that the maximum pain potential could be realised. I stood myself in the corner of my bedroom with my nose to the wall and my bottom bared, panties around my ankles and skirt hiked up around my waist. I folded my arms behind me and rested them on the back of my waist, just like I had seen on the videos. I did feel foolish at this point, but then I suddenly understood this was how I was supposed to feel so I stood there for 5 minutes desperately trying not to rub my bottom to feel the heat. I used the time to scold myself for my excitement and made myself get into a very serious mindset, this was a punishment, after all, it wouldn’t do to enjoy it too much.

It was time for the next part of the spanking. The hard plastic spatula! It is a long thin affair, black, and a solid moulded piece. Long slim inch wide handle tapering out to a 3-inch flat spoon.

I took up my position over the end of the bed and raised the spatula as high as I could and brought it down onto my right cheek swiftly. Oh my god! The pain! My bottom felt like it was on fire! I gritted my teeth and raised the spatula again, following the same pattern as previously, I administered 10 hard swats to my right cheek and then swapped hands and delivered 10 hard swats to my left cheek. I was jumping about and biting down hard on the duvet! Bloody hell that hurt! I braced myself and swapped hands again, once more bringing 10 hard swats to my right cheek, I managed to strike all over the cheek so that I didn’t continually hit the same spot. I realised I was going to live to regret that decision when it came to sitting down later. I swapped hands and delivered 10 more to the left cheek, the left side seemed to be hitting harder than the right now, I kept missing the soft round globe of my bottom and continually caught the tops of my thighs on a number of occasions but I persevered until I had completed the 60 swats, 30 to each cheek. I threw the spatula up the bed when I had finished and I collapsed in a heap over the end of the bed. Oh my goodness, my poor bottom was on fire! Why on earth was I doing this to myself? Had I completely lost my marbles?

Regardless of those two very sensible burning questions, I decided in for a penny, in for a pound, I might as well complete the punishments I had given myself. Besides, my poor bottom was feeling so numb now I probably wouldn’t feel the wooden hairbrush that much. WRONG!! So very wrong! So wrong in fact that bloody hairbrush should have had a government health warning attached to it!

I had decided I was not going to give my bottom time to recover any real feeling this time so no corner time, I dived straight into the final part of my punishment and re-positioning myself over the end of the bed, knees locked tight and bottom raised high and ready for the first swat I raised that innocuous little wooden hairbrush and I brought it down with some speed on my left cheek. I shrieked! I actually jumped up and howled! The pain shot through my buttock and darted like an arrow between my legs causing me to feel a range of emotions and feelings that still confuse me every time they happen. I was so terribly turned on I was actually beginning to feel ashamed of myself for feeling horny because I was hurting myself. Once I had calmed down a little I reasoned my reactions away with the pleasure/pain principle. Of course, I was turned on, I was having the very first proper spanking of my adult life. I had waited years for this, and I was not going to psych myself out of completing it! I raised that dreadful little brush and delivered the 100 swats as hard and as fast and as evenly as I could all over my glowing deep red bottom and thighs. Oh my goodness how they stung! Each hard swat sent a fresh wave of sharp, painful heat through my thighs and cheeks and straight between my legs. I was so wet now I thought I might actually have the first hands free orgasm of my entire life! It wasn’t to be, but it was a close run thing!

I threw the dreadful little brush up the bed with the spatula and threw myself on the bed face down, legs spread wide, I concentrated on the twin feelings of heat in my cheeks and the hot wet throbbing between my legs. It was no good, punishment or not I was going to have to do something about that throbbing. I reasoned I had earned a little pleasure after all of that pain! I rolled over on the cool duvet cover and my hot red cheeks thanked me profusely for the wonderful coolness of the cotton beneath them. My fingers ran down between my legs and I stroked my wet, throbbing clit. I didn’t need to stroke for long, I was so close to an orgasm when the spanking came to an end that it took a matter of fewer than 3 minutes to get me there! Oh my goodness what an orgasm! I saw stars!

Much later, I picked up my list of tasks and set about making a new list. The swearing and the cigarettes were placed at the top and I doubled the punishment for both if I failed to achieve them again. I gave myself a week to complete those two tasks at least once each and a number of other tasks that had been nagging at me.

I wondered how I would get on, but determined that I should try very hard to succeed this time. I realised then that self spanking did give me a sense of contrition, it did give me the feeling of being thoroughly spanked and it did make me want to try harder to learn from my mistakes. Especially as I was sat on my now un-numbed bottom and it was throbbing like crazy!

Was I destined to fail or would I come out of next week’s confessions of my transgressions with a cream bottom instead of a very deep red and bruised bottom?

Who knows…

(All images courtesy of the internet, I claim no rights to them.)