The Vicar came calling… with a table tennis bat!?!

WTF happened to carrying a Bible?

Y’know, I’m just gonna put this out there right now. Some people take liberties when they think they have one over on you, even when they do, which he obviously did, it was always a leap of his faith if he thought he would get to see my bare arse over his knee!

So, it’s 7 pm and I’m sat in my kitchen, I’m on respite time which means I’m alone for 3 hours until 10 pm.

I decided that my skirt should be the shortest I possess, my heels, the sexiest stilettos I own and my stocking tops should be lacy and peeking out of the bottom of the skirt and nothing less than commando style was required for this momentous occasion. Top that with a fitted white blouse and a black bra that barely held my lively puppies in place and I was set. The vicar was calling.

In truth, this would be the first time a man of any kind of religious cloth would be allowed through the front door of my home, me being the naughtiest, most going to hell in a bucket of fire, most unrepentant Atheist this little god fearing village has ever known. And they did, know, I mean. They have all tried, unsuccessfully, for years to bring me into the fold and make me become one of the god bothering flock! Never gonna happen!!

I don’t hate the religious, each to their own is my motto. I simply don’t have the time, the patience or the inclination to stand and listen to the pious mumbo jumbo the religious type peeps in my village tend to spew out, much like the bollocks I was exposed to as a child raised in the catholic faith. It never made any sense to me, I couldn’t work any of that shit out so I stopped trying, once I stopped trying, it was a very small step to stopping believing, once I stopped believing, I was declaring myself a happy Atheist forevermore! I don’t hate god, he doesn’t exist, you can’t hate something that doesn’t exist. It’s simple. Therefore if god doesn’t exist then the devil can’t either. So, with all that in mind, one little man wearing a dog collar and carrying a bible was holding no fear for me or my bottom from either him or his imaginary boss upstairs!

I was gonna play with that man till his head popped!

That was the plan anyway…

The doorbell rang and I lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply before I set off down the hall. A far cry from the hurried dash down the stairs to answer the door to the window cleaner! I was proud of my nonchalance! (Yay, go me!) I sort of hip rolled down that hallway! It might be something to do with the shoes, I’m not sure a normal walk is a doable thing in 4″ stilettos!

I opened the door and there he stood, all self righteous and pious looking, with a vaguely disapproving expression on his face. I wonder if he practised that look in a mirror?

‘Vicar, what can I do for you?’ I was very cool and collected. I took another drag of my cigarette and exhaled as I leaned my hip on the door frame arms crossed (we know what that does to my puppies) and waited.

he took an involuntary step back, he was stood very close to the door when I opened it so essentially I was stepping into his space by leaning against the door frame.

‘I thought we needed to clear up some things Ms Strong, you did get my note from yesterday…?’ He was not accustomed to explaining himself that much was obvious, but he was on my turf so my rules.

‘I found a garbled message shoved through the letterbox but it was vague at best. Perhaps you could explain it all now for me, simply, so even I can understand what the problem is?’ I smiled, my smile frightens people. It makes them fear for their lives. It didn’t let me down this time either.

‘Er.. well, I don’t believe it’s a discussion that should be held on the doorstep Ms Strong, I am sure you wouldn’t want your neighbours to overhear…’ Yup there was the stammer of the fearful.

‘Trust me vic, I’m sure they’ve heard worse…’ I was thinking about Graham and how he had managed to become my spanker within a few hours of chatting with him. Yes he had definitely heard worse. As for the rest of them, I didn’t really give a flying fuck what they thought.

He looked very uncomfortable now and I was beginning to get bored with it all. I sighed deeply and stood back to let him in.

‘I suppose you had better come in, but don’t wipe your bloody feet on my carpet! It’s a sure fire way to piss me right off!’ It’s a pet hate, people step in to my home and wipe their dirty shoes on my carpet! WTF is that about?

He stepped through the doorway and shot me a startled glance at my abrupt instruction about the carpet. I pointed down to the floor, ‘does that look like a door mat to you?’

‘Erm no, it doesn’t. I er…’ He was still stammering. I think he was a little blindsided by now.

‘So don’t wipe your feet then, just follow me to the kitchen and lets have this hush hush conversation you are so desperate to have with me. Tea?’ Change the subject, keep him unbalanced, I’ve got this shit down patt these days.

He followed me with his eyes cast down, he had lost control of this situation before he had knocked on the door and he knew it. Self righteous twit!

He entered the kitchen and took a seat at the table. ‘Tea would be lovely, milk, one sugar please.’ He tried for a smile and failed miserably.

I dropped the spoon on the floor and bent down from the waist to pick it up, he couldn’t help but get an eyeful of my pantiless bottom. I heard him clear his throat, and I wished I could see his face! Oh dear, he really had walked into the lions den hadn’t he?

I was not of a mind to care about his sensibilities, so I began the ‘chat’ while I had my back to him.

‘So tell me Vic, how much did the Wilsons confess to you? Did they tell you they were both enormously sexually aroused by their joint task force spanking of my behind? Did they tell you how Mrs Wilson let her fingers play with my butthole? How she flicked my cli…’ I was rudely interrupted by a very red faced little vicar.

‘THAT IS ENOUGH!’ He spluttered behind me. ‘You are being very disrespectful Ms Strong, the Wilsons gave me few details and more of a broad overarc of what had transpired between the three of you! I do not want the salacious details thank you very much, And please stop calling me Vic. I am a Vicar, Vicar Michael Green is my name and you can call me Michael or Vicar and you can stop being rude!’

Ooh! He was proper furious! Wow, that was easy! I laughed and then turned on him properly, I stood facing him with my arms folded underneath my boobs, (yep they were making a bid for freedom again)

‘I could also call you a giant prick if I want to. You are in my house sir, you don’t get to make the rules. If you haven’t come to find out the salacious details of the two hard spankings I recieved at the hands of the Wilsons, what the fuck are you here for?’ I pinned him with a questioning stare. (I genuinely can’t do that raised eyebrow thing, my eyebrows don’t work independently of each other, I just look surprised when I do it!)

He looked stunned. I honestly expected him to stand up call me some heathen name or something and walk out all offended.

It was my turn to be shocked.

He put his hand inside his jacket pocket and pulled out a table tennis bat and placed it in the centre of the table.

I looked at it, I looked at him, I looked at the bat again. WTF??

‘Is that intended for me and my bottom or you and yours?’ I asked quietly. I don’t even know why I asked if it was for him. It just kind of popped out of my mouth without warning.

Now he did look shocked. He went so red I thought he was going to pop with embarassment!

He couldn’t maintain eye contact then, and I knew… he hadn’t come here to spank me for leading two of his flock astray with wanton spanking sessions! He had come here because he wanted a bloody spanking and from ME no less!

I burst out laughing! I couldn’t help it! I’ll tell you what else I couldn’t do, I couldn’t spank that pious little man if my life depended on it, but my spanking machine could!

I looked at him for a moment and I made a decision. It was time for some fun.

‘Stand up Vicar and remove your jacket and drop your pants and your underpants to your ankles, assume the position over the table and spread your legs slightly. You will not look up, you will not speak until spoken to, is that clear?’

‘Yes Ms Strong, very clear.’ He nodded, his face was puce with embarrassment and humiliation.

While he hurriedly did as he had been instructed, I kicked off my stillettos and ran up the stairs and retrieved the spanking machine.

I walked back into the kitchen to be greeted with a sight that my eyes will never forget and still beg for bleach to wash the image away! Sticking out from the side of my kitchen table was the hairiest most unattractive backside I have ever been unfortunate enough to rest my poor eyes upon, and what else was that I could see? Dangling between his legs? Oh my goodness… he was wearing a chastity cage! Well at least I didn’t have to worry about sticky messes on the kitchen floor! But just in case he decided to leak I popped some kitchen roll on the floor between his legs.

I stood up and picked up the table tennis bat from the table. It was an old fashioned one, the kind that should have had a rubber surface on it, but this one was well used and worn, and the rubber had long since disappeared. It’s surface was polished and shiney. This was gonna sting like fuck when it landed. But just to be sure I put on a pair of rubber gloves (no way were my hands ever touching that hairy butt) and I dribbled some white mineral oil over his cheeks and rubbed it in well. I poured a little onto the bat and then fitted it into the spanking machine. I turned the power up to Max and the timer to five minutes (max) and then without further ado, I switched on the spanking machine and watched it go to work on his bottom.

The first few spanks elicited barely a moan from him, but as the oil began to do its work those spanks started to sting on contact and the oil stuck to the surface of the bat beautifully, it really began to connect sharply with his oiled bottom and a lovely cherry red glow began to appear. By the end of the first minute he was howling and yelping and squealing loudly as spank after spank after spank landed with beautiful precision and a sharp CRACK each time on his bottom and thighs. He was developing twin spots of red as I moved his bottom from side to side by prodding him a little with my cane and telling him to lift his bottom up, move this way, move that, stand on his tiptoes so that the thighs caught a good few whacks of that paddle.

30 minutes he got, 6 lots of 5 minute spankings, with two 5 minute corner times put in for good measure, the silly little vicar with his caged cock and balls and his very red face and bottom had received a rigourous spanking and he was looking very forlorn.

‘What do you say Vicar? Did you get what you came for?’ I prodded his bottom with the tip of a bamboo cane.

He sniffed and coughed and replied ‘Yes miss, I did. Thank you Miss.’

I don’t know why, but his sniffy little reply made me really cross with him. He hadn’t really taken that much pain from the spanking! He needed a sharp little end to his spanking and I had just the thing a thin bamboo garden cane!

What? I wasn’t using my own personal cane on him! EWW!! Yuck! That hairy… nevermind!

‘Come here Vicar, bend over and touch your toes do not move out of position. You will regret it.’ With that I gave him 6 of the best with the thin bamboo cane.

Oh dear how he yelped! I left 6 lovely stripes right across his bottom and thighs! Personally I think all that hair gave him a huge degree of protection and I told him so. In future if he was looking for a spanking from someone, he should shave his hairy butt!

I also made it clear he could NOT come back to me, or I would turn up in his church for the next one bend him over a pew and spank him in front of his congregation! Having no fear of retribution from a god I don’t believe in, I would be quite happy to carry out my threat. I think he believed me. He pulled up his trousers, grabbed his jacket and ran from the house.

He left behind his paddle though. I still have it sitting here, I think I am going to church this sunday to deliver it back to him!

Spanking appears to be a magnet for bringing the most unlikely people to my door, but I’ll tell you, it doesn’t half bring some fun your way when you least expect it!

All images/photos are courtesy of the Internet